We bought them gifts and I told them what she wanted.
2007-12-25 15:28:31 · 16 answers · asked by knarf s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
They don't show resentment, and even asked what she wanted. I feel they disrespected me by not telling me in advance they weren't going to give her anything. I felt embarrassed and hurt for her. We have supported both of them in school, on trips, and other financial help. I am angry that they were inconsiderate.
2007-12-25 16:02:59 · update #1
Don't return them but talk to them. My dad just remarried about 3 years ago and it is hard on my sisters and I still. But no they should not treat her like that. Try to keep good relationships but be honest. Your boys maybe are trying to express to you in actions what they are having a hard time in saying in words. You won't know why until you talk.
2007-12-25 15:43:56 · answer #1 · answered by Times2 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously they don't quite feel like your new wife is their responsibility. You haven't given any details, but I think returning their gifts would be a bit harsh. I would suggest instead that you talk to your sons about it. Just you and your boys, not the missus. Try to find out why they didn't get her anything before you make an issue of it. Maybe they couldn't afford what you told them she wanted, or maybe they felt she was asking too much, or maybe there's some resentment towards her for replacing their mother in your life.
Hopefully you can find out the problem and work on a solution instead of getting into a war over this.
Good luck.
2007-12-25 15:51:05 · answer #2 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow. If you say something to them, it would cause more feelings of resentment, but on the other hand, that is rude of them. Ask them in private, away from your wife, and don't bring it up in such a way that it's all about your wife. Focus on it being rude and inconsiderate, especially since you and your wife purchased them gifts. It's too late now and would seem pointless if they were to purchase her a gift now. The best you can do to soothe your wife would be to say a gift you received was for the both of you (unless these gifts were obviously not items that are shared - like underwear, socks, power tools, etc.). Sorry for your troubles.
2007-12-25 15:37:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, there's obviously a problem here. I would return the gifts and nicely tell them that you are a couple. Either give to the both of you or no thanks. Be kind and considerate, loving, but let them know that it's an insult to you that they are not being considerate of your wife and from now on you just cannot let it happen. That you love her and care about her feelings.
Good luck.
2007-12-25 16:00:13 · answer #4 · answered by oh_my_its_linda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm...it seems like they already have some animosity toward their stepmother and while you may not agree with it 100%, I think that returning the gifts to them will cause your relationship with your sons to become more strained. I think it is quite immature of them; however, someone has to be the bigger person in this situation. Because, in the end, they are just trying to elicit a negative reaction from you. Don't feed more fuel to the fire.
2007-12-25 15:35:14 · answer #5 · answered by Sakura 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Maybe they do not feel like buying your wife gifts....
You can return the gifts your son gave you if you are ignorant.
You know, just because you have a new wife, doesn't mean your kids will automatically accept or respect her. These things take time, years or even forever! And it's not your wife's fault, by any means.
Obviously you and your sons' mother are divorced, and given that, kids can feel ABANDONED, even years later... and have issues about the divorce, which have been left unresolved.
Yes it would have been nice if your kids thought of your wife for christmas but they didn't for their own reasons.... maybe you could discuss their feelings about the past with them sometime?
take care.
2007-12-25 15:37:46 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I've got 2 boys the same ages--they just don't think. Maybe you could call them and in a round about way mention that it may have hurt your wifes feelings (don't go in really hot headed--they just put up a brick wall----I know). Mention they could call her or just a hand written card to make up.
2007-12-25 15:47:45 · answer #7 · answered by cwcarol82 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What has been their reception to the wife until now? Personally, I would not blame you for returning your things or just keep them and do not bother to get them anything next year. If next year they ask what you want--just tell them not to bother. I don't think talking to them would do any good--just cause more words than necessary. Good luck with your decision.
Another thought--if you left their mother for this woman--I really do not blame them. I would have done the same.
2007-12-25 15:43:02 · answer #8 · answered by old_woman_84 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you should return their gifts but ask them what reason they have for not purchasing something for their stepmom. They still have time to purchase her a gift. they should have split the cost if money was the issue.
2007-12-25 15:53:27 · answer #9 · answered by ace7star 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't= perhaps you did not see the writing on the wall, but 2 yrs is enough time to see they are not close to her. I'd perhaps take them to lunch to let them know your feelings are hurt- without her there- and see where they stand, and why, to clear the air. You cannot force adults to treat anyone in a certain way- and perhaps they feel their mother is the only woman they feel any obligation to please. Talk to them and find out.
2007-12-25 15:52:45 · answer #10 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋