my mom won't understand that I'm growing up?

Question

I'm 14 and I have a boyfriend and we kissed on Friday. She was ok with that but she doesn't like that I'm shutting her out of my life! I talk on the phone all the time with my bff and I lock my door. She told me I could shut my door but not lock it, then she changed it to it had to be open all the time! The only door I'm alowed to lock and close is the bathroom! Then she noticed I was sneakeing on the phone on there and I was spending all of my time in there so then I could only close the door when I'm actually going to the barhroom! Now even when I'm peeing it has to be open! I'm a teenager and I need privacy! My mom thinks I hate her and she told me she was going to kill her self because I hate her! But I really love her I just want to be able to lock my door! I need privacy! What do I do?

Answer 1

just talk to her. have a one on one

& dont ignore your mama!

give some time to her too.

dont always be out like24/7 lol
good luck!

Answer 2

From a mom 2 a pre teen, this is a very hard stage 4 the both of u and u need 2 understand that 1st, she is just as confused as U, Ur rather lucky though because my daughter was not allowed a bf til 16, nor lockin bedroom doors if that happened or if she slammed the door it came off the hinges. I say this 2 u so u can see and understand that the grass is not always greener on the other side and kids don't come with directions we as parents hav 2 wing it or do what we think is right at the time. So with all this said try some one on one time with Ur mom, ask her 2 go 4 a walk or go get ice cream that one always worked on me and talk sometimes being away from the environment often helps 2 see things in a different way.The other thing U may want 2 do is (make this very random OK!) just go and ask for a hug or just give one or how about a kiss she probably is missing her little girl or how about jump in in her bed and watchin a movie or TV show 2gether!! Hope this helps it sure helped us

Answer 3

Your mom has some serious issues to be honest if she is this overboard with you over the phone. I would understand if you spend hours on the phone...a time limit would be better, also only calls before a certain hour of the night and none afterwards. A 14 year old should be allowed to go to the bathroom without his mother wanting a door open..that is an unhealthy attitude. Leave the phone out of the bathroom for one thing. Sit down with her and ask for time limits, and the above no call time. See if she will agree to that.
As for her threatening to kill herself over this etc is totally off base of a stable mother. You should talk to your pastor, school nurse or someone you can talk to in private.
14 is not grown up no, but by the same token should have some time frame of privacy especially if it is in the home like this is being done. Have your meals with your Mom without the phone, come home from school and spend some time talking to her about the day, try to set times you spend time with her if even just watching TV...those times can be in the no phone call time frame. Just talk to someone soon about this situation and what your mom has threatened.

Answer 4

Okay, first off you obviously have been pushing the limits of whatever rules you have in the house, so don't be surprised that she's pushing back. I'm just curious why you think you need to lock your door to have a phone conversation? It's not that big of a deal really to have your door unlocked is it?

Now the other thing is if your Mom is really threatening suicide you should get her some help, and soon. That is not a normal parenting tactic and if she's even remotely serious it is up to YOU to help her. Sure you're a teenager and think the world owes you, but you owe Mom. So leave the door unlocked, or even open a crack, so you don't put pressure on the situation for nothing. And if she is talking about suicide, get her some help.

Answer 5

I know it sounds harsh, but your mother has spent 14 years on you so far.
Why are you shutting her out? She was okay with you kissing your boyfriend.
Of course you need your privacy, and your mother has totally overreacted, but it's because you shut her out of your life. She probably feels that she doesn't know you, or anything about what's going on in your life. She sounds a little unstable, but she may have just been hormonal or upset.

You don't have to tell her everything, but try spending some more time with her and keep her posted on what's happening with you.

Try re-negotiating the door-locking. Let it go on the bedroom for the moment, but insist that you have to have privacy when you're actually using the toilet.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Hey!
I understand what you mean, but think of it from her point of view.
Have a mother-daughter talk, and think about it, maybe you are shutting her out of your life.
Maybe you could talk to her about your privacy, and how you think that you are mature enough to obtain it.
Oh, well, you could show her that you are growing up and becoming mature.
Talk like an adult (haha, use a dictionary, kidding), take care of yourself, don't lie (or sneak phones in the bathroom) and don't lock the door. Show her that you know what you are doing, and that you will listen to her. And maybe she will let you close and lock the door then.

Answer 7

Well, you should be able to close the door in your room and especially in the bathroom. But if you have your bf in the room, I wouldnt expect your mom to let you have the door closed because its still a trust issue for sure. When your talking to your bff on the fone, you shouldnt have to lock your door, i mean if you really want some privacy just go outside to talk, or in the bathroom or basement, away from people. Your mom should not tell you things like "she wants to kill herself" because my mom guilt me like that and i went into a big depression mode, You have to tell her that you are just growing up and your horomones and attitude and perpective will be changing without control and she must understand because she was once a child too. My room is my most sacred place, it is my only space that is ME and all about me. Everyone needs that kind of space, a space for themselves to relax and feel comftorable in. Your mom needs to learn to respect your privacy, especially when your in the washroom! just talk to her, she needs to hear you out!

Answer 8

First thing, talk to her about it. Try to find common ground with her. Enlighten her with your side of the story, and she should do the same. If she says something you dont like, don't flip out, just talk it out.

Secondly, DO NOT do things behind her back, there's no need for that. All that does is make her even more suspicious and question her trust in you. Don't put yourself in a situation that will make her wonder "what the hell is my daughter up to now?" because you might make her want to impose even more rules on you. Be up front with her, don't lie to her. Don't damage yours and her relationship over a boy, it isn't worth it.

Thirdly, I think its a good idea if you were to assure your mother that you aren't doing anything to put yourself into harms way. Don't change who you are just because of your boyfriend. You may like your boyfriend for whatever reasons, but remember, when he is gone, your mom will still be there.

If its just you and your mom at home, maybe she's beginning to feel as if she is losing you because you are in fact growing up and its freaking her out, especially if you two are really close.

Answer 9

Imagine if your mom stopped cooking for you because she was on the phone with her say boyfriend. And she locked her door and you were hungry. Well knowing whats going on in their kids life is a mothers food. your relationship with your mother will be more important than any boyfriend you'll ever have. Remember you are 14 and female. Your mom has been there. Leave your door open so she can give you advice! Dont make the same mistake my sister made. Its sad when a daughter neglects her mother.

Answer 10

She makes you leave the door open when you are using that bathroom? She has threatened suicide? Your mom is a mental case! How about agreeing that you just won't take the phone in the bathroom instead? Tell her that the next time she threatens suicide you are going to call the police on her...then actually do it. The woman needs help.

Answer 11

I'm concerned about your mom telling you that she was going to kill herself because you hate her. If this actually happened, and you are not exaggerating or leaving anything out -- I'm not accusing you or anything -- then this indicates that your mom has some emotional issues that she is going to need to deal with. If this is truly the case, then she might be mentally unstable and is probably going to continue to want you to keep the bathroom door open. You should talk to her and gently suggest that she seek some counseling, as it is highly unhealthy for a parent to say this to his/her child.

As far as the privacy issue is concerned, I can only suggest that you talk to her rationally and intelligently, presenting your point of view and assuring her that you can be trusted -- as long as this is indeed the case.