WHaT AND SHOULD I DO ABOUT THIS........?

Question

I'm getting married to my dream guy in July and he is Lutheran and I am Wiccan. So....what should we do?

1) Should one of us convert out religion to the other's?

2) If not, how can we combine our religions into our marriage?

3) Most of my family is Christian, what should I do about that?

Answer 1

Well chances are he isn't going to want to convert to Wiccan if he is Lutheran.. If I were you I would have a court house wedding so there wont be any religious stress.

Answer 2

You can have a non-denominational Christian officant come and do the ceremony. Discuss the issues beforehand with your chosen guy and just pare down the amount of time God is mentioned and how many hymns are sung. For instance instead of the usual 4 have two hymns and use a biblical reading but skip the sermon. Research and find some Wiccan ceremonies that a religious officant would not find offensive (perhaps a knot tying ceremony?)

My HTB is Lutheran and we sort of went through the same problem since I am Universalist. Its not as bad as Catholics where you must be married Catholic but they do want you to be married by a religiously ordained offciant.

You should also discuss the future decisions with him. If you have children how will you handle that? Are they going to attend church and then have Wiccan explained to them later or will you not have God as part of their lives? If he wants to go to church every Sunday morning is it going to bug him that you stay home? What about holidays? This is the first of many times where your religious differences will crop up.

Answer 3

I suggest pre-marriage consoling. Some people it is a big deal if the person they are going to marry isn't their same religion. And they would help you decide what choices you have.

However...

1. You should never convert to a religion just because your partner is the same religion. You should use your free agency and choose what you believe is right.

2. You also have to add your future children into the mix... what would you/him want to teach them? How about topics of sex, drugs, dating, curfews, types of music, and reading materials (etc.) would okay to be viewed in your home?

3. How about church? Or baby blessings?

4. If you are already Wiccan and your family is Christian... honestly... I don't think Lutheran is all that radical. lol. So, I bet that if they have accepted you and your faith, then in turn they will accept his. And if not, then that is something that they will be missing out on.

I just really wished that we went to pre-marriage stuff because it would have helped everything from our parenting styles to words spoken in our home (vulgar), including movies and games that are played.

I hope that helps. =) Congrats!

Answer 4

Have an important family member or friend marry you in a non religous setting, i.e. outdoors is great for july, and have a non religous ceremony. If you leave out all religion you won't need to convert anyone and no one will be hurt or offended, the ceremony will only be about the marriage between the two of you and not any higher beliefs or purposes.

Answer 5

You really need to give this careful thought before you go through with it. Your beliefs are your beliefs, very sacred to you. His may be just as sacred to him. In a relationship, spiritual compatibility is the most important level on which a couple should be compatible -- especially for those of us on a Pagan path. When you have children, how will you raise them? And, what if (gods forbid) something goes wrong in the marriage? Wicca is often used as dirty Divorce Court fodder, (the judges, juries, and courts don't understand us) and the Wiccan parent is almost always the one who looses the kids. And, one of the most central and sacred aspects of Wicca is the spiritual and sexual union of Magickal Partners. I think Wiccans really sell themselves short when they settle for partners who are not at least Pagan. (The downside to this ideal is that Women outnumber the Men in the Craft, and many of the men who are Wiccan are either gay or "polyamorous," so I fully understand why there are so many "mixed marriages," and some of them can make it work.) Decide what both of your priorities are before marriage. These are some things to consider, which you may want to talk over with your High Priestess, fiancee, and marriage counselor.

Answer 6

Neither of you should convert unless your view of the divine has changed.

You do, however, need to discuss before kids even become a thought, what religion you'd want them raised.

If he can't handle such a discussion like a gentleman, he's NOT a dream guy after all.

Pre-marriage counseling is a huge must. In the tradition of Wicca to which I belong, it's required for 6 months before the ceremony.

Answer 7

Me and my husband are in an identical situation, so I'm speaking from experience.

1) Conversion is about belief. If both of you believe in your religions, you should keep your religions. Pretending to be a member of the other's religion is dishonesty on all sorts of levels.

2) Do you need to combine it? My husband and I agree to disagree and that works out fine. Crosses and pentagrams are both allowed in the house. If one of us wishes to go to a religious event, the other isn't expected to come along (although they are welcome).

3) This is your choice. You're not required to tell them, although if you're open with other people they're probably eventually going to figure it out and then take offence you told others but not them. IF you want to stop hiding, you have two main options: sit down with them and have a formal discussion about it, or simply stop hiding it and let them figure it out. I mostly went with the latter...I stopped hiding a small pentagram ring, and when I was bringing reading material in the car for long trips I stopped shying away from by WIccan books. I didn't feel a need to justify by beliefs or my choice in books.

Answer 8

You can include the symbolism that is common to either both religions or just common to the human journey. Just avoid the buzz words and you'll be fine.

Handfasting was used in Christian ceremonies in the middle ages. Elementally inspired vows would talk about Air / communication between you being open and honest, Fire / passion as in sharing one another's laughter, Water / sharing also your tears, being there to comfort and soothe one another, Earth / is th quality of your homelife that it will always be a place of warmth and welcome.

As played as 1st Corinthians is it says nothing a Wiccan would argue with and it makes a good closing.

Maybe have it outside with that as the tie in to Nature

"It was important for them to have this ceremony outside because Nature has always inspired a connection to something larger than ourselves. It is ever-changing yet with a consistency that we look forward to. There is a pattern, a purpose, cycles of ebb and flow and parallels to our own growth. The desire to share with the one we love every aspect of life, to provide security and comfort, love and commitment, with the promise of forever is some of the best of our human nature. In marriage we gladly accept that love is the greatest thing in our lives and that through surrendering ourselves to this sacred connection become infinite and limitless."

Maybe a more general Invocation:

“____ and ___ come before us today with precious gifts,
Their Love, their Faith in each other,
And their trust in many bright tomorrows.
Let us each pray in our own way
that they may find life’s deepest meaning.
And richest happiness.
That blessings shall forever continue to shine upon them,
Granting them prosperity and abundance,
Health and happiness, joy and peace
In both the physical and spiritual world
For all the days of their journey.”

There is more on my website in the Theme section. Good luck!

Answer 9

You two have to figure this out between yourselves before you go any further. You have to decide what type of faith you want your 'home', your marriage to have, and especially how you will raise any future children.
The two religions are worlds apart, so I don't really see them combining, so the two of you have lots of talking to do.

Answer 10

just have a JP marry you.make your own vows and whoever don't like it can stay home.you can still be different faiths if you respect the others religion and not try to convert each other.the biggest issue is the kids you have a what to bring them up.good luck there.he can't be a dream guy if he has such different views.good luck