Hi all,
I can't believe I'm writing this on Christmas Day.. but I'm at my wits end. I just found out that my (former?) best friend and her b/f of 4 years just got engaged about 2 wks ago through an email. I was really hurt b/c she has been pretty much my best pal for the last 10 yrs and I knew something was wrong if she did not call me to share the great news.
Earlier this fall, I told my friend that I am going for a MBA degree next year - and to my shock - out of all of my friends, she was the only unsupportative one.. criticizing my decision and saying it was unneccessary. But I am not making enough to get by - I"m a graphic designer, she's a social worker, and she has dual incomes with her b/f. I'm still single and we all live in CA. So I don't know why she's behaving this way, the last time we talked, was on her birthday in Sept., when I sent her a giftcard. Since then she has never called me, I tried to talk to her but this last bit really hurt me.
2007-12-25 12:47:41 · 22 answers · asked by two_design_kitties 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Wow... you guys are terrific.. just terrific. Thank you so much for your insightful and varying degree of answers. I'll pick out the best in a couple of days, but again - thank you!!
2007-12-25 15:21:45 · update #1
She´s probably a bit jealous, especially if she feels that somehow your news is eclipsing hers (not always logical). She may fear that you´re going to rise above her, as she´s now getting herself tied down and settled into married life (ok, not just yet, but she sees her youth slipping away). Now, here you are, going into something that is going to make you a better-stronger person, and she´s buying into the whole old-fasioned housewife thing.
Give her some space, but be nice to her. Let her get herself settled into the new her, and eventually, if you´re really good friends, she´ll probably come around. At the same time, you´ll be making new friends. Don´t let her immature reaction drag you down.
2007-12-25 12:54:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It can be really difficult, but sometimes we have to be prepared for things to change when people become very involved with someone else romantically. Your friend may have rationalized the situation in her own mind by telling herself that you are moving away in some way by pursuing an advanced degree, and also not following her advice. The fact that she has aligned herself with new friends may be another sign of her more recent involvement. I would not be surprised to have her look you up some time later after her marriage if you do not contact her before. If you do contact her, you have to be prepared for a possible cooling toward you and a emphasis on other factors associated with the new life she is contemplating. This may very well hurt you, but I am suggesting that it should not embitter you. As I have said, at some future time your friend may want to reclaim some remnant of her former life because the friendship that you had with her will always be a part of her and her memory, unless she is a very superficial person and all you had was a superficial friendship.
2007-12-25 21:06:15 · answer #2 · answered by cavassi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately some friendships don't last forever. People change. Some people can sustain relationships like that forever. Some use friends to get them through a tough spot or era of their life. You may not have changed the way that you feel but it sounds like your friend is ready to move on for whatever reason. It would be nice if she would just tell you straight up. You may want to just ask her if you maybe did something to offend her. If she says yes then perhaps you can discuss it. If she says no there's not much else you can do. It's possible that you didn't do anything but she has just decided to move on. You can't force her to care. Instead of burning any bridges with her maybe just phase out and just keep in touch. If she really cares about you she'll realize that at some point and contact you later on.
You sound like a nice person. Go for the MBA and find some new friends. Good luck!
2007-12-25 21:03:12 · answer #3 · answered by Sherry T 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your friend is behaving like that because she misses you! She may think she's happy, with her new fiance, but the truth is, she misses hanging out with you and being "free". She was also being unsupportive about you going for an MBA because it's something she'll probably never get a chance to do now she's tied up with a relationship and all the responsibilities that come with it.
I think you should talk to her, drop by her house. Congratulate her on her engagement and spend some time with her catching up. tell her you don't like the distance that's growing between you and you should hang out more often.
Good luck =]
2007-12-25 20:56:28 · answer #4 · answered by dittykins 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
were you leaving town to go to school? this may have made her feel you didn't need her anymore. It may have even driven her to get engaged. Call her tonight & say in the spirit of CHristmas you want to make your friendship right again. But do not - ever - let aguy come between you. Sad to say, but my experience has been guys will come & go but best girlfriends can last a lifetime if you care about keeping that alive & for each other's best interests.
2007-12-25 20:54:48 · answer #5 · answered by teriod 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When people are in a relationship, unfortunately they sometimes forget who has been there for them. These relationships don't last as long as a good friendship a lot of times. If you still want to be friends with her, be patient she will wake up. If you want to wait. Sometimes it is just better to move on with your own life.
2007-12-25 20:53:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like there is some jealousy. I could be mistaken ,but things start getting strained with your announcement of going for your MBA. Is she somewhat competitive with you? I don't see her with the bad mouthing till then. It is always hard to figure out without actually knowing the both of you, but that's my guess.
2007-12-25 21:12:26 · answer #7 · answered by redd headd 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you've been friends for so long im sure you'll be able to talk to her about the problem. Call her or meet up with her to talk about it and figure out what is wrong. You'll only get your answer if you ask her yourself. She might actually be waiting for you to do so. something might be bothering her and she's just afraid to approach the situation herself. Talk to her.
2007-12-25 20:52:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First try to commmunicate with her, if it doesnt work.. i guess all i can suggest is to move on... there will always be new best freinds and by the way i gotta be honest and it hurts i know cuase this happened to me... but Friends are really for never :(
2007-12-25 20:52:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So youre hurt that she didn't call right away to announce the engagement? Maybe she's just living life. Sometimes people grow apart. When you dont get the invite to wedding, then you'll know its over.
2007-12-25 20:52:18 · answer #10 · answered by stygean666 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋