How do you prepare a child that has severe behavior problems for a new baby?

Question

My boyfriend has a 5 yr old kid that has some pretty severe behavior problems - we have been working with him for 2 years now - counseling, etc. He is finally showing signs of improvement and now his mom got pregnant. A large percentage of this child's problem is that he lacked attention for the first 3+ years of his life by both his parents. I am afraid he is going to regress with the new baby - even if his parents are doing better with him. Has anyone been thru this and any words of advice on how we can prepare him for this big event?

I appreciate all your answers so far, but my concern is that the mother isn't going to do crap (per her track record) and that will cause the child to regress. Is there anything we can do to help him - as we will not see the baby or have any contact with the baby, ever.

Answer 1

You can try to prepare him, but really the best way to handle this is to pay as much attention to him as possible once the new baby is here. He will become very jealous as most siblings do, but if you make the extra effort to be with him as much as you can, hopefully the situation won't escalate.

Another good idea is to make him feel really proud to be a big brother. If you involve him with the new baby, he won't feel like the baby is taking away from time spent with him. Ask him to bring a toy to the baby or just anything he can to feel as though he's a big help and involved! Good luck.

Answer 2

I'm guessing you're not in a position to take custody? That could be a good answer, both for his son's emotional well being and for the safety of the new baby. Otherwise, talk to him about the new baby, answer his questions, help him prepare some sort of "present" for his new sibling, emphasize that babies need special care and you have to be very careful with them. Read him a book or two about getting a new sibling and try to make him feel like this is a really special thing to be happening in his family and for him to get the privelege of being a big brother! Also emphasize that the baby is NOT going to change anything between you and him, that he'll still get his special time with you and that he will love him just the same as before the baby came. Don't make a big fuss about the fact that the baby is coming, so much as the fact that HE will be becoming a big brother! And talk about the type of things big brothers should do. If he sees it as a special event for him, him gaining status in the family etc, it should help. Good luck!

Answer 3

Well, most religions will condem her to hell...but as long as she isn't a minor, united states law says it is perfectly fine(minors will need parental consent), i am also told it is a fairly simple procedure. She should make sure that she gets the abortion at a proper abortion center and not one done in someone's home or by swallowing poisons. my source listed below says: "Abortions cost $300 or more. The costs and health risks increase after the first 3 months of pregnancy. And it's harder to get an abortion after 3 months, so get help soon!" Although being that abortion is a permanent decision, she should really think this over carefully and be sure that killing her baby is the proper choice, either way, I wish her luck.

Answer 4

I had two young sons when I got pregnant with my daughter and one thing I did to help avoid any jealousy was to buy both of them their own baby doll and let them learn to "parent". I bought books and videos about babies and how they were made (age appropriate) and explained the whole thing to them. I made their new sister sound like a very special present that was coming for them that they would have to take very special care of to make sure she was happy and safe, etc, etc. I showed them how to hold the dolls and let them listen to my belly, told them their sister was so excited to see them and really had them very involved in the whole thing. When she was born they were so good to her that they were perfect angels, they didn't even kiss her face because they didn't want to accidentally give her a cold so they kissed her little feet instead. If you treat they new baby like a wonderful gift for the sibling instead of an unwelcome addition which will steal all the attentiona and make sure to involve the existing children new addittions wont feel left out.

Answer 5

I think someone should make sure he's never alone with the baby, frankly. He could be dangerous to it. I'm sorry to say that. Otherwise, the rest of the advice about fussing over him is a great idea, and you should talk to the counselor about it, too.