At dinner at my grandparent's house last night (my mother in law was invited) I let it slip that I didn't want anyone at the hospital when I go into labor, and my husband and I would be calling people after the baby is born. Dorothy, my husbands mom, started arguing with me about it. She said that it's her grandchild and she'll be there if she wants to be. When I objected, she told my husband to call her after I've been given pain medication and she'll show up whether I want her to or not. I think that since it's my labor, I should be able to be as comfortable as possible. I can't do tht with my whole family hovering over me during contractions. I want my husband there with me and that's it. How do I get her to listen and respect my decision? I have a feeling that if I let her have her way on this instead of doing what I want, she'll try to take over when the baby's born. She lives 10 minutes away and I don't want to see her in our house every day while we try to get to know our child.
2007-12-25 12:18:24 · 21 answers · asked by garcia_lives86 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It's not that I don't want her involved at all in the baby's life, or that I don't think she deserves to see her grandchild at the hospital. In my opinion, childbirth is a personal experience between 3 people - the baby and it's parents. She's more than welcome to stop in after the birth, but this is just the way I want it - no one will be told until afterward, not just her. We're not having a party at the hospital while I'm in labor, and refusing to invite her. We've never really gotten along anyway (we used to live in the same house) but now that we're going to have a family I think she needs to understand our boundaries. It just ticked me off that she said that to my husband, to go behind my back when he knows what I want. If it comes to a choice between the two of us, I'm not sure I'd win, so I guess that's saying a lot. Well, any advice on what to say to her would be appreciated, I'd like her to willingly accept my choice rather than decieve her. But I will if I have to.
2007-12-26 15:21:13 · update #1
Dont worry. All you have to do it let your Dr and nurses know you dont want anyone there but your husband. They have to respect that. In fact hospitals have security guards so she wont be able to do whatever she wants. You also need to talk to your husband and ask him where his loyalities lie, with her or you. Also you have a right who you let through your front door and who you dont. So talk to your husband now about how things will be so you can be together on this. As long as he doesnt allow her to dominate things you should be ok.
2007-12-25 12:23:41 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Yikes. You need to seriously talk with your husband. You do not need to communicate with her about anything. Just tell your husband to tell her that the due date has changed and it is a month forward. Then do not call her or anyone when the baby is born until you get home. Keep the doors locked and do not answer the phone ( let it take messages) You are right -this is a huge control problem you have. I only hope your husband sees it your way otherwise there will be a huge mess. Congratulations on your baby and PLEASE know that you are correct in deciding who will be present. Also tell the hospital no visitors except husband and tell every single nurse or aide or Dr the same thing.
2007-12-25 20:44:12 · answer #2 · answered by barthebear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for one thing, just don't tell her when you go into labor. If you have the baby with natural child birth you would be in for 24 hours only. No need to tell her until you get home. You could have your husband talk to her. But I doubt that would work. Just wait until you get home from the hospital, and then have your husband call her to invite her over. You can then visit with her, and then when you've had enough, tell you her want to lay down and take the baby to your room and close the door. Don't make it an issue or a problem.
2007-12-25 22:27:01 · answer #3 · answered by oh_my_its_linda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your husband to step in and tell 'Mommy' to step back and let you, the one who's actually pregnant, have the baby the way YOU want. If he refuses, and if you really feel strongly about it, you can ask the hospital to not allow anyone other than you and your husband in your suite. That way, old 'Mommy' will HAVE to stay away. This will cause anxiety and tension between the two of you though, so I don't recommend it. You can also compromise. She can wait outside the birthing room and be invited in to see the baby after he/she is born. That way she'll get to see her grandchild and you'll get to have your labor in private. Good luck and congratulations on the baby. Sorry about your tough family situation.
2007-12-25 20:30:52 · answer #4 · answered by Just Another Girl... 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother in law is a control freak type, it seems, and she is crossing your boundaries with the things she said.
You can tell the hospital staff there is to be no one in the labor or delivery room except your husband during the birth of your child.
And you really need to set boundaries with your mother in law... i could never stand it when people just showed up at my home uninvited (even my own family)... so i always kept the door locked. I also let people know they needed to call before visiting, because i relish my privacy.... it's the truth, and that's simply how i feel.
Letting your mother in law know she will need to call before visiting isn't a crime. Your privacy is important. If she doesn't like it, i guess she will have to adjust.
take care and all the best with the baby!
2007-12-25 20:32:59 · answer #5 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As part of the Patient's Bill of Rights, no one can just barge into your hospital room without your permission. When you are making arrangements at the hospital, make your wishes clear. Remind the Nurses and Aides of your wishes when you arrive.
I suggest you have an intercom installed at your front door right away so that you are able to avoid opening the door to tell MIL "I'm sorry but you've come at a bad time. I wish you'd called first" without actually opening the door for her to stick her foot in it. However, if she lives 10 minutes away you should also set aside time for a daily visit. Trust me, after a few weeks you will be only too glad for MIL to take the baby for an hour or two. Be nice to MIL -- you will be needing her for a baby sitter for many years.
2007-12-25 20:56:47 · answer #6 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is up to your husband - you said your mother-in-law told her son to call her when you are given your pain medication - tell him not to - you are the patient and it will be your rights. The medical staff can intervene if this doesn't work - noone is allowed in your room without your permission.
Now, when you get home, your husband is going to have to speak up again - he will have to say it's not a good time, you are resting and so forth and so on. Don't completely block them out - it's wonderful to have loving grandparents for your child. I do understand at the beginning when you are recuperating and bonding, you like to be a little family but those extended family members can sure be a big help when you need it. Good luck.
2007-12-25 20:40:14 · answer #7 · answered by Ann M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel sorry for your husband being torn between you both, I think she wants to be apart of theis wonderful childs life and what is wrong with that. As a grandmother i see alot of people my age going on with their lifes after their children have grown up and got married. Most of my daughter"s friends say they wish their parents would stop acting like teenagers and spend some thime with their grandchildren.
As a mother if I had ever got the message you are giving here I would not go to the hospital I would want until my son would bring the baby for me to visit. Also when your child grows up and you become a grandparent what would you do? Please show her some respect.
2007-12-25 20:47:23 · answer #8 · answered by sam22254 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your husband supporting you? Talk with him about this first. When you deliver, she isn't going to be in the delivery room with you anyway. Tell the nurses to limit her time in the hospital with you. You need to have a talk with her and set limits - before the baby comes. She has no respect for you or your family. Lay it out for her NOW - otherwise, this will be the start of worse things to come. You can accomplish all of this without being angry and portraying that. Love is firm sometimes - and you and YOUR HUSBAND need to be together as a team on this.
2007-12-25 20:29:05 · answer #9 · answered by Amy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Committee is absolutely right. She has no right to do this at all! Talk to your husband about backing you up firmly and the staff will definitely not let anyone in there whose not supposed to be.
The two most important people in the delivery room are you and your baby. They need to worry about your physical and emotional well-being.
P. S. - Even if mother-in-law is over a lot and is overbearing. Your son/daughter will detect that growing up and will always love you first!
2007-12-25 20:26:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋