I need some advice on what to do about depressed family member.?

Question

Hey yall,

I have a brother..He just turned 21 years old, and hes totally gotten out of control to where our family doesnt even know what to do with him anymore. He gets wasted just about every night and has become completely addicted to gambling. He goes on drinking binges when he gets depressed. He was kicked out of high school when he was 18 for marijuana (in the last 2 months before graduation) but was able to still graduate at another high school. He started attending Tulane (he even got a full scholarship! hes sooo smart..and Tulane did not know about the marijuana use btw) Well, after not even a year of going there he dropped out. Then, he cut of all connections to our entire family and lived down in new orleans barely making annny money. We didnt hear from him until a year or so later, and it was really scary because we didnt know if he was still alive. Well, then, he came to live with our family again. His drinking and gambling is completely out of control..(continued)--

Hes already been to jail several times. Hes always driving completely drunk, and last night (..or this mornin) he took my car out and went to the casino at 4:30 in the morning (and missed Christmas also…)..And was totally wasted. Stayed there until we picked him up at 10 am. Then, today he also started talking about killing himself and got on top of the roof..But then he said that might not kill him and it might just “maim” him so he decided against it. Hes so depressed and we just have no clue what to do..We are basically at wits end..If anybody has any suggestions or could offer any help or advice on this situation it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Also, I forgot to add..Hes VERY smart..He was voted Most Likely to Succeed 2 or 3 times in high school. Hes also enrolled in an online high school right now, but he never will do his homework...Ever. Its so strange because he is soo smart, and that he would let it all just go to waste like that.

We have made him live on his own before. He lived in new orleans for a little over a year. That didnt work at all and he was in and out of jail constantly and the drinking got worse. It just seems like he'll never learn..Do you think rehab would be a solution?

Answer 1

If folks keep saving him, he'll never learn to save himself. If he were my child, I'd kick him out and change the locks - pronto!

Stop Trying To Save Him From Himself - that's called enabling - you're enabling him to continue doing what he's been doing all these years - by always making everything he does 'okay' excusable and forgivable, you're giving him permission to continue acting this way - you're not making him feel the consequences of his actions - you've got to do something different to get him to change his behavior or it will never stop. And that would be hard to live with.

Answer 2

I feel badly for your family and your brother. First thing, you keep mentioning how smart he is and that he was voted most likely to suceed. That's alot of pressure on a young person and could cause the depression. He may be feeling a deep sense of disapointment in himself and constantly feel guilty that he's not meeting the goals everyone set up for him while he was younger. Something had to have triggered this depression, a breakup, loss of a good friend or just growing up it can be hard if the expectation is unreasonable. I really recommend calling a crisis line to start and tell them what it going on.and they can guide you from there. Good luck and I hope the best for you all.

Answer 3

Contact a good counselor versed in family interventions and see if that will help. He probably has to hit rock bottom before he wants to change.

He could be in need of an evaluation to determine if he has a mental disorder; bipolar?

Answer 4

Sign his @ss up for the Military. They'll fix his "problem" reeealy quick, and make him a respectable Marine!

Answer 5

He
needs more help than I or you can provide.
HE needs to go in a rehab system.Your state probly have one.but he needs to want to.At 18
your parents might be able to do somthing.

Answer 6

Save yourself and your own family.

You have no control over what your brother does.. especially if he is 21... so do your best to protect yourself... and don't let him drag everyone down with him.