I feel like even if I wanted kids, I don't because I feel like they would never be treated fairly by my sister & brother in laws and that it would be especially previlant during X-mas because of presents, etc. Therefore, among other reasons, we have chosen not to have kids. I don't want to bring a child into this world to be treated like a blacksheep, but part of me feels like I shouldn't let other control me this much. What do you think? It just kills me that I KNOW my SIL/BIL and ILs would never treat my kids the way they treat theirs. I would never want my kids to feel that hurt.
2007-12-25 03:33:16 · 7 answers · asked by SadToday22 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If you and your husband want children, have them. Don't allow others to take away the joy you and your spouse are missing by not having a child due to the activities of others. If you are really concerned about your child being mistreated, first see if your suspicion is true. When you have the child, take them around the relatives and see how they are treated. If you find that your child is being mistreated, you can 1) put the person responsible for the mistreatment in check, in a way that shows you won't take that from them or 2) refrain from taking your child in that environment. You and your husband can spend holidays with your friends instead of your family. Many friends will open their doors to you to be with them and their family. At the very least, you, your husband and child can spend the holidays together at home. If love is in the midst, that is the best gift you can give to your child.
2007-12-25 04:28:31 · answer #1 · answered by DANGEROUS WHEN THREATENED 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What? Let me get this straight. You aren't having kids because (among other reasons you fail to mention) you fear that they won't be treated well by the rest of your family. And then you say that you cannot stand knowing that the rest of your family would not treat YOUR kids the way they treat their own. WAKE UP, DEAR! No one treats the children of other people like they treat their own! Your own children are more important to you (or should be) than anyone else's. If you had kids, you would soon figure this out though I am surprised it has not occurred to you already. I suspect there is more going on here than meets the eye. There are other reasons you don't want kids and you are trying to put it off on this ridiculous reason of your family not treating your kids as well as they treat their own. I think you had better examine and DEAL with what is really bothering you about having children. This isn't it. I suspect you DON'T want kids and are feeling guilt about it and you need some excuse to justify your feelings.
2007-12-25 11:42:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have some issues with your siblings. It wouldn't hurt to talk to a counselor about those feelings and see if you can find some peace for yourself.
As far as having children, you need to make that decision for yourself. If you feel that you can give your children the love and attention they need, then have kids. If you don't want children, then don't have children. You can make that decision without the need to blame anyone or anything. My wife and I don't have children, never wanted children and will never have children. We don't feel the need to come up with reasons for that decision, it just is.
2007-12-25 11:39:41 · answer #3 · answered by Dan H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, um...what matters most to children is how their PARENTS treat them. YOUR gifts, YOUR attention is what is most important.
The only people that will teach your children to mind how other people act, or get upset over what other people do, or not do, is you. Bring your children up with love, esteem and a good moral core - and what you are worrying about now is petty.
2007-12-25 11:40:53 · answer #4 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should ask a family counselor for a second opinion. Or a pastor of the local church, if you believe it that sort of thing. You need an outsiders thought, maybe. That's just my opinion. Children make your heart proud, regardless of what others think.
2007-12-25 11:44:19 · answer #5 · answered by Potato 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you and your husband want a child, then have one. if you two are able to care for a child then do not let anyone stop you. as long as the two of you love you child, then your child will have all it needs.
2007-12-25 11:54:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you mean but if I was you Id STILL have kids.
The way I see it, as long as my kids have me and their father being there for them thats all they need.
2007-12-25 11:36:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋