How do you stop from yelling when someone ask the same questions over and over again (an adult)?

Question

My mother inlaw is staying with us for the holidays and i am so tired of the same questions. Example one I don't wear house shoes/ slippers. I never have they make my feet hot. She ask me and chasties me every time she is over here "Where are your shoes" Then i drink very rarely i have not drank anything since last Christmas. I bought a six pack of beer and can't even drink ir now because i have a cold and i am taking over the counter meds. Well whenever i drink i get the 1st degree how often do you drink what do you like to drink etc. Then finally i am lactose in toloerant and i drink Soy milk. Every time she sees me with a glass she ask why don't you drink milk.
I just want to scream FOR THE LAST AND FINAL TIME I CAN'T DRINK MILK
She is not that old and she can remeber lots of other small things. I think she ask these questions just to talk and fill up the quiet.

Answer 1

Your mother in law doesn't know you as wells as she knows her child. Written deep in her mom-heart is the rule that she has to see to it that her child is well taken care of.

These are all care and keeping questions.
- People who dont wear house shoes spread foot funk. If you dont like the fuzzy kinds, consider flip-flops.
- People who drink excessively.. drink. She wanted to be assured that you are in control and the alcohol is not. Does she have experience with abusive husbands, or boyfriends? Did anyone she love die because of alchol?
- Moms of era's past were taught that you gotta give your kids milk.

What you are likely doing is answering the surface questions- the symptom questions. What you are likely NOT doing is answering the question behind the question - the heart question. Until she gets the heart question, the question behind these superficial questions, answered she can not stop asking.

Take the time to really understand her. Make sure you understand not just the symptom, but the disease, before you treat it. Answer the heart-question and communicate it to her in her language, in a way she can understand. Then you will have the question behind your question answered.

Your question is how do you stop from yelling. Thats not what you want. What you want is peace. How do you get peace, and maybe even a little respect.

Answer 2

It is possible that the reason is small talk but it does not sound like it. She is observing behavior that is new or different than she is used to.

You might just say, Because I want to. Or because I don't want to. Keep it short and sweet.

Lack of a long conversation or detailed explanation will sort of throw her off and after a few repitions may cure the inquisition.

Then you have to remember that she likely has little to do except onserve. Anything that is not normal will trigger a question.

You can also put a simply preface before your very pleasant and polite answer, "I explained this several times before..." and then give the answer you usually do.

If the interrogation persists you might add - "Please, let's not go over this again..." It maight finally make it clear that she has asked the question before and in the latter case, that you question is becoming somewhat annoyingly repititive.

You might put it to the ultimate test, GENTLY as her if she remembers that she asked - and you answered - this question more than once before. You just might be dealing with the early stages of dememtia or Alzheimers. If so, you are not going to feel so good about your impatience. That is not a god situation for you, your wife or her.

Answer 3

Well I must admit that I can be a bit like that *sometimes* - it is why I am staying home this year (well part of the reason).
Anyhow - try to get out for a walk on your own or with others while letting her do something else (surely someone will look after her for an couple of hours?).
Anyhow good luck! - I shouldn't but you made me laugh!
Merry Christmas (and let's hope that you're better by New Year so you can have a drink then!)
Joan.

Oh - and put some shoes on before you go out for a walk - and make sure that you wrap up warm.!!!

Answer 4

Depending on how strong your marriage is, there are several ways to handle it. If you feel the need to keep the peace, no matter what, then the best thing is to arrange with your wife to answer these question. As in "Mom, you ask these questions every time..." - leaves you right out of it. Or you can just answer her straight, but this is obviously frustrating for you. Or you can step it up a notch, and roll your eyes a little, before answering. Another step up is to take the tone of a schoolteacher addressing a forgetful student. Or you can make a game out of it, by either giving totally different answers each time - and see if she picks up on it, or follow up each of her questions with an equally annoying one of your own. The main thing is never raise your voice.

Answer 5

Strangely enough some memory things just slip through the cracks. My Husband and I have this problem. We are 66 but it does start earlier in some people. At 62 it was just like running into a wall, memory and health wise. Trust me when I tell you she does not like or enjoy or do it on purpose. It just happens.

The milk, Just (once again) tell her you are allergic.

The slippers, Once again just tell her they make your feet sweat. (you could wear thongs while she is there)

The beer, I understand this. We have beer that is 3 years old in our fridge. We just aren't interested enough to drink it.
Just explain, YOU THOUGHT SHE WOULD LIKE A DRINK FOR THE HOLIDAYS.
Just a little Humor there.

God Bless and be patient. All parents die in time, then you will actually miss these crazy things.

Answer 6

What she's doing is a not-so-subtle way of reminding you she's your wife's mother. It's a particulary nasty way of interfering in your marriage. Unless your wife will do it for you, and it sounds like she won't, sit her down and gently remind her that you have a life WITHOUT her and you will only answer questions she hasn't asked before. It is YOUR home and how you live in it really isn't any of her business. As long as you and your wife agree on life together, Mama needs to stay out of it.

I go barefooted too, summer and winter. It's been years since someone commentted on it, and when they did, I told them when they wore my feet, they could wear shoes. I am also lactose intolerant, and can't even handle soy milk, so I'm with you 100% on this one.

Answer 7

I think you hit the nail on the head. She might just be nervous around you or the chatty type who doesn't think silences can manifest into good communication. Might as well make a joke out of it and be friendly. Just play it off - "Aw you kidder, you already know the answer to that one. But what you don't know is that I'm terrified of dolphins."
Last line not my own creation but you get the idea. She probably doesn't realize how annoying she is and even if she did she's obviously not changing her game up. So you just have to take the higher route and try to gain some happiness and fun out of it.

Answer 8

It is very difficult to change your behavior but you deserve credit for wanting to try. Obviously you need to substitutre another response for yelling. One thing you might do and see how it works is assertive communcation. Like try telling her how her begavior makes you feel. Example: "Mom (or however you address her) when you ask the same questions over again it makes me frustrated (and maybe angry.)" You could ask her if she could pleas not do it.
You might also ask her why she does it. You could also try to laugh instead of yelling. You could also close your eyes and breathe deeply. Your concern about chnaging yiur behavior says something abiout what a good person you are.

Answer 9

I have 3 theorys, 1 just smile and answer, weenie but peaceful

2 counter with similarly rude questions without answering hers, why don't you drink milk? to her... why don't you wax that moustache?

3. ( what I would do ) explain that her daughter married a man who can make his own life decisions without anyone's permission or approval

and where is the father in law? MIA because of the nagging?

Answer 10

That has to be really irritating. As I read your post, I wondered if you mother-in-law has dementia or beginning stages of Alzheimer's. If so, she needs to see a physician.

If not, you and your wife should sit down and talk to her how the nagging affects you. Just find words that won't make her cry.

I commend you for being patient through this. I hope you will be able to resolve this situation.