I know it sounds like a stupid question, but please understand I am in sick way, in love..ever since I have known this man I have let him walk all over me & treat me like crap. It's disturbing, I know. I have been verbally abused from the beginning. I know that his flawed actions are a result of the life he has lived & I wanted to help / love him. I was never strong enough to leave.. and so I did worst possible thing..began verbally and physically abusing him right back. I have never been more ashamed. I have begun to play his game. It seems to be the only thing to make an impact on him. It's as if he wants it to get to that level in some sick way. Tonight things escalated to a higher scale and he had me in a choke hold around my neck. He is always the one to start the hitting but I also engage after he starts & I hate it. I hate who I have become with him.
I need to leave him right? Regardless of any of my feelings?
Both 25 / college grads w. jobs / dating 3 years / living tog.1
2007-12-24 21:08:58 · 16 answers · asked by Blond&Tall 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This is serious, no matter how much you like or love someone when verbal and/or physical abuse starts that is were you draw the line.
Now i have no idea what your partner is like.but If you retaliate against the abuse it will only provoke it.
and a relationship can't work with constant trouble like that.
if it is taken too far (like you said 'choke hold') you need to call someone who will help with the situation.. A friend, The police, or a special help line and you must do it confidentially.
You don't deserve that crap from ANYBODY!!..
my personal opinion is even though its hard you should try to stop the relationship even if its only for a wile to see how good it feels not to be in an abusive relationship
2007-12-24 21:30:30 · answer #1 · answered by Mis Music☮ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need counseling by a good counselor. But first, pack up and get out. There are places to call for help and can be found in your yellow pages. Don't leave a trail. Just be gone. These places can help you in many different ways. Your relationship isn't a good one and both of you are out of control. It can only end up with you getting badly hurt or worse and you know it. You can't save him because you can only change one person's actions and those are yours. Your reaction to being hit is understandable but you need to get yourself in control and get some happiness too. You will feel some relief when you finally get rid of someone that contributes to dragging you down. Go get your self respect back and move on. Move on, no phone calls, no anything anymore. Your life will be so much more peaceful. Then figure out why you tolerated that type of treatment for so long and didn't get out sooner. Heal yourself. Good luck.
2007-12-25 05:24:39 · answer #2 · answered by towanda 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
okay coming from a child with an abusive dad.
i have seen my mother been kicked and hit all my life, there have been holes but in many walls and broken dishes and remotes.
it is not healthy to be in a relationship like that and you certainly do not want to have any kids around you when this happens. i have vowed that if my husband ever cheats on me or hits me that i will leave. i have made this very well known to him and we have been married for 6 years now with no problems.
i have just seen my mother cry way to many times over the years. from a very young age i was her support system. the only one because she couldn't tell her family or they would have hated my dad. it is not right for anyone to put that much responsibility on a child. EVER.
don't get me wrong i love my mom and my dad very very much. my dad was never abusive to me physically (other than the occasional spanking). sometimes vocally but not as bad as my mom got it.
just don't let yourself stay in this type of relationship anymore. get out while you still can
2007-12-25 13:23:55 · answer #3 · answered by revona_99 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know your problem. Clearly you were intelligent enough to figure out the reasons why you still stay with him. Don't ever get involved with someone that you want to change. He has had a troubled past, but that is no excuse or license for him to verbally or physically abuse you, and no one should ever have to put up with that from anyone. You're right you let yourself sink down to his level and you're paying the price for that. Keep in mind, you cannot change anyone or control anyone else but yourself. I suggest you seek therapy to get to the root of why you stay with someone who abuses you. There are probably underlying reasons why you feel that you love this person that hurts you. Now, I have no idea of your past life but maybe a therapist can talk about that with you, and how your past may have influenced your present relationships.
2007-12-25 05:37:21 · answer #4 · answered by ExpectingaBoy2012 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you this - you put up with his abusive behavior because some sick part of you likes it.
He likes it just the way things are - he likes abusing you and he will never change (i.e., you can't "help" him and are stupid for thinking you can).
If you marry him he will beat and abuse your children - are you ready to accept responsibility for that?
Leave him now, or you will be responsible for the death of your children (or your own).
PS: You don't love him, you love feeling superior to him. This is a sick relationship - GET OUT!!! Whatever he tries to do now will be far less bad than what happens if you actually marry this psycho. Get help from the police and your family.
2007-12-25 05:19:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u love yourself and have any respect for yourself left then u must walk out of the house and his life RIGHT NOW.
In fact this is the right time to move ahead in life. One cannot carry on with a life like this for long hence its best that you get an end to your ordeal before its too late.
Take hte new year as an opportunity to start your life afresh. All the best. Get out and make a wonderful life for yourself.
Merry christmas and Happy New Year !!!!
2007-12-25 06:30:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am very sorry but you really do need to get out as soon as possible. if you stay with him, things will only continue to escalate. have you tried to talk to him and tell him to stop the abuse? sometimes people need it to be brought to their attention that way they can change their behavior. whatever you do i hope you make the decision that you feel is best and that you find happiness with someone who truly care for you enough to realize that abuse in a relationship is the worst thing possible.
2007-12-25 05:15:53 · answer #7 · answered by none 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you need to get out, but first call a domestic violence hotline and ask for advice on how to do so safely, because abusers often become dangerous when someone leaves them.
You don't want to end up dead or in the hospital, and that's a real risk here. You might need to go to a shelter. Please value your own safety above your emotions.
2007-12-25 05:15:58 · answer #8 · answered by annalisa 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Lady, yes please leave him, the quicker the better. How far is enough with this dude, what if he its you one punch to hard or chokes you for a minute too long? Please save yourself and get out of that relationship. and if you need help call the cops, I dont wanna say this, but maybe its not love thats keeping you in it, maybe fear. Good luck
2007-12-25 05:13:22 · answer #9 · answered by Randy W 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
hey doll, are you ok?, its funny to say this but i have the same thing going on!! i have been getting phycio to and i hate feeling that worked up. my boyfriend is addopted and his mum passed away and ive been feeling sorry for him to and tried to help him with my all to. But i have to tel you a few months ago i had to go to the hospital, we had an disaggrement .and he pushed me down on the bed and hurt my neck , i was very scared and had to go to the hospital and lie wat happened and get a neck brace and alll these tests done but i was alright. please dont get a stress disorder over someone with mental illnesses, he really loves you and usually the guys later tell you there sexually frustrated and so get emotional. YOU ALREADDY KNOW that you the girl and deserved to be worshiped by this dude, but please sit down with him and tell him to get off the drugs or watever and start giving each other massages and using all this energy in the bedroom. and if he isnt doing it for you start making yourself feel as sexy as possible b4 you see him.taking girl time and he will start to see the fun he will be missing out on if he doesnt smarten up. other wise f@#K HIM OFF
2007-12-25 06:10:20 · answer #10 · answered by shona 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋