Its christmas and we are all sittin here opening presents and he walks in and just sits down and acts like he belongs here! let me mention that she just started datin him like a week ago and none of us have met him! and she aint even fully divorced yet from her husband! Am i wrong for feeling this hate for him or do i have a right to be mad cuz i told her that if he didnt leave i was gonna go home and of course she let him stay!! Am i wrong or what? and how do i get rid of him cuz she knows how i feel!??
2007-12-24 19:01:06 · 26 answers · asked by kaykay69_2002 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
What makes it so bad on me is that im 19 and i ive on my own and never come see my mom and me and my son was gonna stay the night with her so we can have dinner tomorrow and she invited him over anyway which i have gotten over but the fact that i asked her not to let him stay the night in front of my 3yr old and my brother! Which is confusing them both!
2007-12-24 19:16:46 · update #1
BE needy. Say when are you going to TREAT us to the Steak house in town.
Run him off with kindness of being a BRAT.
Tell him you want new shoes and ask him to take you to the MALL and then ask him to BUY them. BE NEEDY!!!
2007-12-24 19:06:37 · answer #1 · answered by Southern Girl 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Guess his presence is up to your mom. Doesn't sound like mom is making the wisest choices, but they are her choices and it is her home.
It's too bad these kinds of things have so much upset with other family members.
This was supposed to be family time and to other family members, he's certainly not considered a family member. If your mom wanted to see him, then those arrangements should have been made later when everyone else was gone for the evening.
It was quite obvious she made her choice when she let him stay. Don't even waste your time arguing with your mom right now, because it just isn't worth your time and energy.
You may not like your moms life style, but that's not for you to judge. Know that's not what you want to hear, right now, that's just the way it is. She's the mom, you're the daughter.
It's not up to you to get rid of your moms boyfriend. All that will accomplish is pulling you and your mom further and further apart. What you're angry about is the fact that your mom chose him over you.
Just stay away and don't put yourself in the middle of something that you have NO CONTROL OVER. nor should you. You mom has her life to live and you have your own life to life. Don't let your mom and her boyfriend(s) get in the way of your happiness.
Think of your mom as an example of how you don't want to live your life. She's you mom and you love her, but that doesn't mean you think you have to protect her. That's for your mom to do. This may be your moms first relationship, but it won't be her last.
Just live your life and find all the happiness you can find for yourself. You have to take care of #1 you.
If you get all consumed in your moms life, where does that leave you? It leaves you with no life of your own. Start living your own life (#1) and stop all the hate for someone you don't even own nor do you want to
It's time to become independ and move away from all the negatives.
Be happy
2007-12-25 04:16:18 · answer #2 · answered by Eagles Fly 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong to feel hate for this guy. Your mom should understand better. Arrange your stay with a good friend that would allow you to hide at her house for a few days. Write a note saying you are going to kill yourself, leave it on the desk or somewhere that your mom is surely to see it. Call home 1 or 2 days later and tell your mom that if she doesn't leave this man, you will kill yourself for sure if that is what she wants, to see you dead. Tell her you are serious about it because she is about to lose her daughter. Tell her you would rather kill yourself than to see her with that man.
Hope it works. (and don't kill yourself btw)
Oh you're 19 and you have a 3 year old. You cannot threaten to kill yourself then, sry that came a little late. I was assuming that you were 13 ~ 16 before you added the details.
2007-12-25 03:38:01 · answer #3 · answered by James ™ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa. That is hard. Sounds like your mom is not considering your feelings on this subject. All I can say, is focus on whatever positive thing you can, even if it's just the Christmas tree. You're too young to move out, so you have to make the most of it. If she's making a mistake, she will have to go through it and learn and there won't be much you can do except try to keep yourself together and focused on your own life and goals as much as possible. Hopefully this guy turns out O.K. Sounds like she is just getting into dating since her and your dad separated. My daughter went through the same thing with me and it wasn't easy for her either. Good luck and find another adult you trust and can talk to as well. Maybe an aunt, teacher, friend's mother, etc. and good luck.
2007-12-25 03:10:15 · answer #4 · answered by I feel like a woman 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think that you are wrong. Your mom should have more respect for the family because he's new. I don't know that you can get rid of him but you shouldn't be forced to spend your holiday with him. He just came in like he owned the place? What an intruder.
I just read your additional details. I would definitely take my kid home. Kids can't have people in and out of their lives. In all honesty, how long do you think this relationship will last? You wouldn't take a different guy home for your kid to see, right? Same goes for grandma.
2007-12-25 03:07:33 · answer #5 · answered by c d 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is normal to feel anger and resentment but it is selfish for you to want to get rid of him. You probably are feeling a little jealous too, this is normal. What is not okay is acting on those feelings to the detriment of others. In other words, it is okay to feel a certain way, it is not okay to harm others, physically or emotionally because you are feeling that way. Instead you need to learn that life is about processing emotions, not changing others to fit your needs. But being flexible enough to realize that not everything everyone does is going to please you and that's okay. They have a right to their lives also.
Your mother is a woman. She needs love. Perhaps you do not agree with her choices, but they are her CHOICE.
I felt the same way as you and acted like a turd. I was lucky enough to have a man that loved my mom enough to put up with me. When I finally stopped being selfish and gave him a chance, he turned out to be a really nice guy. And I feel guilty to this day that it took me so long to give him a chance. He loved my mom and made her happy and I love my mom and want her happy.
I assume you love your mom too. The nicest gift you can give her is your unconditional love. Be kind to her and try to be understanding. Life is not as black and white as you want to make it right now.
And think about how he feels. Do you not think he can sense the tension? Do you not realize your mom has told him how you feel. He cares enough about her to face people that have pre-judged him without knowing him. That takes a lot. Some men would turn into cowards and leave. He is man enough to put up with it. Would you want her to date someone who is a coward?
And as for not being fully divorced, you do not understand the matters of the heart completely. Heck, most adults don't. She is trying to be happy. Children alone do not make a woman complete. They need someone to love them like only a man can. Children's love is different than man/woman love. There are things you do not understand about her divorce and never will as grown-ups do not share everything. So you should not judge her.
2007-12-25 03:18:51 · answer #6 · answered by James Watkin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are being very selfish. If your mother is happy, then you should support her feelings about this guy. He may not be around forever, however, she probably needs an adult companion during the holidays to make her feel about about herself and the divorce upcoming. The holidays can be very depressing if you do not have a companion in your life. She had your dad before, but it is different now.
2007-12-25 03:10:54 · answer #7 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should stay there and act like your crying so you can get attention or ask your REAL dad to do something. i understand your feeling and im not like other yahoo answer people that dont respect poeplez probs and all. i understand. try being very rude and mean to him. and iyou have little bros and sisz plan out things like messing with him and all. unless ur an adult and u dont want to. or else just go run away from home for HOURS not days. and stay close by home like at a friends house or someplace warm dat you wont die in the cold or something. ok? i hope i helped i totally tried.
i just got an idea.
go get a body piercing with ur momz boyfriend and get the piercing where your mom wont let you get it. dat way ur mom will get mad at u and mad at him for taking u der. and she will start hating from that day. or worse get a TATTOO. lol
(sorry im thinking of getting a industrial piercing thats why i got this idea in mind lmao.)
2007-12-25 03:07:08 · answer #8 · answered by 0811 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Maybe your mom's boyfriend feels just as awkward as you do?
I mean, he just started to date your mom, and he has to deal with her children too. He might be nervous about what you think of him, and wants to make a good impression on you. Maybe he knows what it's like, and knows how much you must dislike him.
Talk to your mom. Tell her you really were expecting to have some private time with her for Christmas, and weren't expecting him to be here.
If anything, try to enjoy your Christmas, whether he's here or not, and try to reason with your mom when the time is more appropriate.
2007-12-25 03:06:35 · answer #9 · answered by Cinders 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Heavy scene!
I could imagine that I was in that guy's shoes.
Hey give him a chance, he must be feeling uncomfortable with a fraction of the vibes off you!
He's not your father, but he must be a good guy, unless your mom is a d*ckhead.
If that's the case, then run now!
If you love your mom give this guy a chance. It can't be easy for him either. If he lays a creepy finger on you then scEEEAAMM your head off.
2007-12-25 03:14:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are supposed to hate him that is the way the family dynamic is set up. I hate to be blunt but you are being a selfish teenager. There will come a day when you grow up and move out and your Mom will have her own life without you. She is allowed to pick her friends she is a grown up.
2007-12-25 03:07:14 · answer #11 · answered by Belinda 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋