How do I tell my boyfriend how I feel?

Question

My boyfriend wanted to try anal sex and although I don't do it because to me it's painful, and I have always forbidden it to my former partners, at first I said no, and then I agreed. All I asked him was "please be very very gentle". Thing is he acted all impatient and was the contrary to gentle, which caused me physical pain. When he asked if it hurt, and I honestly answered yes, he stopped though. I still feel he disrespected me in some way, because I DID tell him no (I also told him why), and then I ASKED him to be gentle, and he wasn't, and he never even asked if I was okay afterwards. It bled, but I never uttered a word.
I'm thinking (for later in life) if we end up having a family, HOW do you trust a person with something, if you asked them not to do it because it causes you pain, but they go ahead and do it. It's been three days since the incident, and I didn't have the chance to talk to him yet..
How do I tell him that i need him to respect my wishes, without offending him?

Answer 1

You call him & tell him you wanna talk to him face-to-face)not over the phone). If ya'll are face-to-face he'll take you more seriously.
When you talk to him let him know how you feel..and that you wasn't comfortable at all. If he really cares for you then he won't hurt you again...you have to let him know how you really feel about this or you will get hurt again...and I know you don't want that.
Don't be scared to talk to him...if so then there is no trust in the relationship & the relationship shouldn't exist.

But just say what's exactly on your mind when you finally do talk..and explain in detail how you feel.....and do it with a serious voice...(don't crack a smile about it or he will think you're playing around)

Answer 2

You have raised many intellectual question after having the sex fun. May be had it not hurt you you would have raised a different question.Well one by one:
1. The way yon expect sex act, gently, is a practical joke since sex act has been equally termed as an animal act.
2. It bled, do not worry,if you maintain such regular act as the married girls are having, it wont bled further, perhaps u know it too.
3. Having a family with some one who almost raped u, if you are correct (u cant frame rape charge since U are also a part of this act), is a stupid decision. Go and ask him the same question and watch how he reacts.
4.Respecting your wish, well. .. what is that ....to sleep with you gently or as per your given directive, like a obedient by, or marrying you as you presently feeling. Sorry it is not clear to me even may be not clear to you too.
Should I give you a suggestion, why do not you get rid of such unholy relationship which are destined to cause you damage in future and start a new gentle and normal life in accordance to your age , culture and family. Think it again.

Answer 3

Your first mistake was when you changed your mind and said okay.

If you didn't want to have anal sex, then you should have stood your grounds. You can't really say that he didn't go along with your wished if you told him it was okay.

As far as being gentle. I don't think there is anyway to be gentle when having anal sex. It does hurt, and it can cause physical damage.

The anal lining is very tender and the skin is very thin. It is not designed for penetration.

This isn't a moral judgment, it is just a physiological fact.

Answer 4

Simple, sweetheart....you tell him that you need him to respect your wishes, and that with some things there simply is no room for compromise...and I wouldn't worry a whole hell of a lot about offending him.

Look, the idea of having anal sex (besides being painful) was, to some degree morally repugnant to you, at least it seems that way from the tone of what you've written. Therefore, this should probably have been one of those "no compromise" subjects.

The fact that you went along shows the lengths that you are willing to go to in order to please this guy. I doesn't seem like he appreciated that fact. In fact, the only thing he seemed intrested in was his own instant gratification. And on top of that, he knew that you were hurting afterwards, and in three days he hasn't found the time to once phone you, text you, or drop in on you to see if you're OK. This guy sounds way too self-absorbed for this relationship to be any good for you.

If you're really in love with him and want to be with him long term (although I can't see why), then you have got to straighten him out, and I mean right now. He has got to learn your feelings, your desires, your wishes, your moral standards, etc. count every bit as much as his do (except I don't see a whole lot in the way of standards on his part). Also, he needs to start treating you with a lot more respect, and that he can't expect to be able to do anything he wants at anytime he wants with you. You are not one of those cavewomen from "Clan of the Cave Bear" who were expected to assume the position anytime a male gave the the signal, you know.

There is no easy way to tell him this. From what you say about his behavior, if you try tell him in a roundabout way, or if you try to sugar coat the message, he just won't get it. You need to be as direct as possible, that you need (no, make that "demand") more respect, and he is going to have to take into account what's going on inside you as well as what he wants.

He'll either understand or be offended. If the idea of having you on an equal footing with him in this relationship offends him, then you, my darling, need to find yourself a kinder, more considerate and compassionate boyfriend. And believe me, we do exist....it's just a matter of hooking up with one.

This guy obviously does not deserve you, and no matter how infatuated you are with him, do NOT lower your standards to please him....find yourself a guy who measures up to you. In the long run you will be a hell of a lot better off, and happier as well.....and you'll make some lucky guy happy, too....for the right reasons.

Dump the schmuck.

I wish you all the luck in the world, dear heart, and hope that in spite of all this you can have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year....God bless.

Answer 5

Honestly, I don't mean to be mean, however you did agree and he can't feel the pain that you feel so what might of felt good to him hurt you, and he cared enough to ask if it hurt. Me? I would have made sure you were fine but I care a lot for my gf and would do that for her (I would never have anal sex though) but you two should sit down find out what each other would like to do (sexually) and compromise. Don't say no to everything but don't say yes either if you don't think you can stand it.

Answer 6

actually i think if u say u want to possibly make a family with him ur going to have to be honest u cant build a relationship without trust and honesty and besides he wouldnt like it if u did the same thing he did to u.so i say jus sit him down and tell him the truth and how u feel about everything including the bleeding

Answer 7

Don't worry about offending him! He hurt you, emotionally and physically, so you should tell him that you're upset. He should be a man and apologize and whatever else he needs to do to make you feel happy again.
This is serious so you need to tell him or it could just happen again

Answer 8

When a man ask for anal sex to a woman, it means that there is no love in the man.


its just fulfilling a lust not love.

Answer 9

if your bf loves you that much in the first place...he wouldnt have forced you to do something which you dont want to do...he should've respected your "no" and leave it at that....i think you're too nice to him to even consider him getting offended....if i were you, i'd be wary of him....men who cant respect your feelings about things is a no-no to me...

Answer 10

dont care about offending him, care about
your physical well being.