What should I do commit suicide or continue my Miserable life?

Question

From Childhood I’ve been shy, introvert, I have always felt deprived of love and no recognition or appreciation from others, on one occasion my father told me straight he doesn’t love me. I was always alone at school, group work was always left for me to do because the students in my class knew I was a high achiever and my parents would be furious if I came home with a bad grade.

I’ve been suffering from depression now for a few years now, and pains in my arms and legs all my life. My parents aren’t the most supportive parents, at 14 they forced me to get part-time work for pocket money so I did I worked part-time at a supermarket where my main shift was weekends Saturday 12-10pm, Sunday 9-10pm I worked there for 2 and half years before exhaustion caught up with me. My doctor told me that I had to quit my job and he wrote me a week off from school for bed rest, so I did. I never quite recovered from the exhaustion, it followed me and caught up to me badly during my last year of school, this caused my grades to drop which angered my father severely. I remember on night when I was trying to relax surfing the net my father came in and he was so mad he hit me across the face so hard I fell off my chair.

My parents never gave me any freedom, I wasn’t allowed a girlfriend, to go to parties, go out at night, I wasn’t even allowed to go to my school prom or even the school award ceremony. After school I was to come straight home and to stay in my room until the next school day, other than bragging rights they didn’t want a sound from me, I was always sworn and cursed at if I tried to join the family in the living room they made sure to make me feel unwelcome. My dad and sister are both very verbally abusive towards me. My sister is my parents absolute favorite they’ll do anything for her, seeing her going to school dances and bringing boyfriends home really makes me wish I was allowed to do those things, it really eats at me.

Straight after finishing my last exam I got work painting safety walkways at a steel mill, there was no break for me, because I needed money to pay my parents rent and to go to university. My first year of uni (last year) was the worst year of my life. I began classes tired form the job which ended the Friday before I started uni, a week or so later I found out from other students from my school that the scholarship we came to the uni under had already been paid out but mine hadn’t weeks later they still wouldn’t tell me why they didn’t pay so I had to pay for uni out the money I had earned painting, I also found out that the uni had messed up my courses by putting me in two trial courses which I didn’t agree on and they felt the need to charge me full price for this. There where major problems with these two accounting courses like errors in their exam papers that caused the mid term exam to have to be redone by the whole class because of missing figures and the fact that the papers were only being marked on the final answers, that were not checked for errors in the markers sheets.

The stress and exhaustion got too much for me so I cancelled my B semester I finished A semester and spent I week sorting out the final paperwork I also didn’t have the money to go back to uni for B semester. Then I burnt out and collapsed I was asleep for a month and a half before I woke again , you’d think they took me to a hospital but no they just left me in my room. I spent the rest of the year trying to get back to normal life, because while I was asleep I wasn’t eating, showering or going to the toilet (I remember my pee being brownish red which was worrying me) and I was still sleeping around 18hrs a day, since then my eye sight (I have black and white dots throughout my entire eye sight) and hearing has been getting worse, whilst still waiting for the private psychiatrist to get back to me I had to endure the verbal abuse from my father about what a useless sack of **** I was day in and day out.

In my country its illegal for a doctor to subscribe anyone under 18 any anti-depressants, So when I was 18 I asked him if he could help me, he referred me to pubic mental health place and a private psychiatrist. The private psychiatrist got back to me earlier this year because they had a long waiting list, the public place never got back to me. I’ve been on anti-depressants since but they aren’t helping but he couldn’t help me with the fatigue. I’ve also been unable to find a job in my town this whole year, Job interview after interview they all turned me down, I can’t work as fast as other people anymore and having depression all counts against me. I’m really at the end my line, I haven’t felt alive in years I feel so dead inside and lately suicide is looking like a much better alternative. I can’t get a job, I can’t pay to study, I soon won’t be able to pay rent. What in the world should I do?

Answer 1

Ever think of buying a wife someone in even more troble then you someone who will do anything to get out of were they your not even 18 yet think about it if you find a woman in you life in greater need than you go for it at last count the poplatlon is such that is is 7 females to every 1 male someone may need you

Answer 2

The fact that you are even asking whether or not you should do it means that, whether you realize it or not, you do not really want to die. If you did, you would not bother to write such a long history and then ask "what should I do?" You would just kill yourself and be done with it. But this question in and of itself shows that you DO still have some hope and a will to live despite all the sh*t you have been through. So now, you will need to use that will; that iron inner strength to figure out how to make things better, or what to do if you cannot make things better. Sadly, no one here, or anywhere will have a good answer for you as to the question of what you should do because, in the end, no one really knows. All we can do is say "I hope things get better for you" or "Stay alive because then you can still try" but ultimately only you can figure that out for yourself. I'm sorry I can only offer this wisdom but at least know that I empathize with your questioning of life vs death and wish you all the best of luck in your personal struggle.

Answer 3

wow.... that is harsh life. But suicide is not the way out. some way moving out is the way out. I don't know what country you live in, but try to get into another university, and MOVE away from this abuse. the longer you live under their roof the more you will endure.... and doesn't sounds like you can handle much more, plus it has probably put a negative record in your head about what type of person you are. But you sounds like you are smart, and you just need to get the freedom from this abuse. leave and never look back....

someway there must be something you can do to get help for financial situation. I don't know what happened with the student scholarship.... and I don't know if you can get a loan for school. but might not since you are still under the legal age, that you might need a co-signer and doesn't sound like your parents would help you out....

I guess I would find out where there is another school, or get to the states and go to school and get a psychiatrist.and therapist. Start planning now....

And don't think about suicide as an answer... there are so many other answers out there.... suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem- well even if you have been dealing with this for 18 or more years it still is temporary, because you can some way get out of that situation....

Answer 4

Sorry to hear of your plight my friend but I empathise with you because I have been in situations where I also considered the same option . The only reason I didn't was that my mom would be really sorry to see me dead. I tried spirituality to gain relief and it worked to some extent. Here's the religious logic : Are you sure death is the end of your misery ? How do you know for sure that you won't go to hell in case you are a Christian or a Muslim or attract worse karma in your next life if you are a Buddhist or a Hindu ? Even if you are an atheist I would say you have the attitude of an escapist, a quitter . Do you have eyesight ? There are many people in the world who don't . Can you walk ? There are many who can't go around without a wheelchair . Did you get to eat today ? There are many who are starving to death . Ponder over these thoughts and count your blessings. God bless you.

Answer 5

How old are you? 18-22 years? What's done is done, my parent gave me freedom as a youngster but I CHOSE to stay at home and keep myself to myself. Mainly because I had deeper issues. I've just turned 18, I've contemplated what you have, but what's the point in suicide? I'd rather enjoy the little pleasures in life and try and make the most of me and who I am and what I can do to contribute to the world instead of wallowing in self-pity about how OTHER people are better than me and what they've done/are doing with their lifes. I couldn't care what they're all about, unless I'm a friend of theres of course, I care more about me and what I'm up to. Your better off living then dead not doing anything. add my msn, [e-mail] and talk to me, okay?

Answer 6

You have certainly had a hard time. You asked the question should I commit suicide or continue with my miserable life?

My answer is do neither! Do not commit suicide but also do not continue with your miserable life. Start tomorrow with a new life. Easier said than done. But still possible. You obviously have plenty going for you.

Start off by writing a list of your positives. I will help you. You are intelligent. A good writer. Have good insite. (so that's three to start with).

Then I think you should get some vitamins and do all you can to get your body rested and healthy. If possible enquire about some respite care where you can go and stay and be looked after for a few weeks. It will do you wonders.

I think most of your problems are stemming from a feeling of exhaustion both physical and emotional. Once you get past that feeling you will have more energy and drive to make your life what you want.

You can't change the past but you can decide your future.

Good luck - you will be fine.

Answer 7

oh my!
Brain chemistry can be changed without medicatons. Best ways to become more emotionally healthy.....
Eat Healthy
Drink plenty of water
Daily brisk exercise.
Make sure you get plenty of sleep. Keep a schedual for sleeping.
It is very important
Also, it is time for you to change your inner self talk. You have had years of negative talk in your head. You have had a tough time in life. You can make changes for a better life.

It is amazing what positive energy does.
Many people are shy & down when young, Then they become late bloomers. Otherwise these people are stuck in the horrible life they are in. Even in a horrible life there is happiness and joy. You have to make it happen. Your family, your situation whill not change. Thus you need to make the changes.

When your mind says ."I am so shy and sick" Change it to. I am learning to be outgoing & I am getting physically healthier day by day."
If a person or situation puts negitive energy in your way....Just tell yourself that their misserable mood can't bring you down.

Many very shy and or sick youths turn in to confident strong sucessful adults.
You have two choices #1 be misserable
#2 make changes in your life & don't repeat the pattern of your family's way of living.

Take some deep breaths and smile. Do nice things for other people, you will be amazed how much your grow as a person.

Answer 8

If you kill your body, will not end your suffereing, because you will still not be able to get rid of (kill) the subtle body (mind), thus you will become a ghost.
I had a similar life as your, just much worse, therefore I can what action to take, what I did and worked for me:
1) the priority now is to have a roof over your head, so call Shelter to help you with they adivice http://england.shelter.org.uk/advice/advice-171.cfm

2) go to a chinese doctor, my friend treated her 4 years depression with 2 weaks taking chinese medicine.

3) Find alternative therapies to help you with ur negative emotions, ( like sadness). Indian full body massage is great, the touch of other person make us feel loved.

Answer 9

I'm sorry your parents are sh!t, I know EXACTLY what you are goin through, I had a rotten childhood as well. You can talk to me if you think that would make you feel better. Just take it one day at a time. You gotta live your life or your life starts livin' you and that sucks. Good Luck and Take Care.

Answer 10

Hello,
I was looking for a free download Half-Life 2 I found it here; http://bitly.com/1p0EsMh

Don?t use the same tactic to your enemies because they won?t have the same qualities. You have to think which one fixes better and then try to eliminate them.
It's my favourite game.

Answer 11

i wish your parents read this,

your a human being, and you shouldn't give up on everything you fought for. Don't listen to your "family"'s offenses. Tell a doctor these problems of your body, they'll help and maybe even advice your family.

Keep fighting.... no matter what brings you down.