Do I have a right to be irritated that my dad is overprotective?

Question

So I am 21 years old almost 22 and I still can't be out after 1030pm without hearing a lecture or getting yelled at from my dad. Since he, in my opinion, is so strict I have snuck out a few times in order to go out with friends and such. I just recently found out that he knows that I sneak out, doesnt say anything to me but loves making some kind of joke of it by telling other ppl (aka my aunt and my mom) that he knows I do. One, do I have a right to be mad that he has to tell my aunt this? Two shouldn't I just be able to stay out late? I hate that I have to sneak out and lie in order to have fun once in a while and I have tried talking to him before(like before i ever snuck out) and he just said no and that if I want to leave I can get out. Rules are rules after all. lol. Oh and by the way in his "defense" we are indian and kids are suppose to obey the rents till they are married off... And three should I just continue sneaking out when I need too even though now I know he knows?

Sorry I was pretty irritated when typing this and exaggerated on one point that may or may not be important. My dad would like to marry me off(with my permission of course), and my mom would rather me find someone on my own. Another thing, I am back on break from college so I do stay away from home until I come back from break.

One more thing. I want to mention that being a girl indian is a big factor in my situation as well. I know for a fact that if i was a boy my dad would not be "worried" about it and it would be more acceptable for me to be out.

Answer 1

Your an adult, and assuming you are a virgin, You should be trusted. You do live at home, his house his rules. Age 22 is really beyond his control. Do you live in the USA, if so age 18 is legal adulthood. I really think that you and your Dad need to talk. Another thing, what happens if you don't find a man. Not saying you can't, you know Dad knows whether your beautiful or not. You must be pretty dang pretty or he wouldn't be so worried. But still not all men are keepers. you want someone who isn't annoying, dirty, mean, disrespectful ugly,or dishonest.You may let your dad know you can be trusted, and would feel much better about your relationship, if he would put some faith in you. Tell him how you feel, and be gentle, he loves you, Your Daddy's little girl,in his eyes. However as we all know your an Adult!!! Good luck. Linda.

Answer 2

Well, since he knows and he hasn't said a thing to you he probably doesn't know what to say and may be afraid that you may have a fight and will leave or he is afraid of what you may have done while out. So, if it were me I would ask for a conference with him. Let him know that you know and that you are sorry that you can't be treated like an adult and tell him the truth and have an occasional later time limit. He should understand that you don't like being deceptive but you feel like that is the only way you can spend time doing the things that other adults your age do. That is how I would approach it, call him on it. Then maybe come up with a night or two a month where you can come in later. I mean it is his house and I do believe in rules and that adult children should live by house rules when they are living in the house. But, you are older, maybe not so wise as 22 yr. olds thing but you do have the right to have an opinion. So, maybe just talk, adult to adult. Don't get mad. Let him, ask him why he thinks you can't be trusted. Be available by cell phone if he calls, be where you say you will be promise to call if you are going to be a minute late, so he can sleep LOL. That is my opinion. You may not get what you want but I still think you two should get it in the open. Also, getting mad won't help you...it will make it worse, he loves you, show maturity by facing him and talking like an adult. It may impress him. What is it that you are doing past the time? That may be what you should also discuss with him.
Good luck. Miss Mary

Answer 3

I am an Indian, living in the USA. I don't even live with my parents. I have been living alone and away from my parents since the last 8 years.

I have always been independent, yet I have always been obedient to my parents. That is why they trust me and allow me to live all by myself.

Yes, when your dad says that you should not be out after 10:30 PM, he means to tell you that he does no want you to get drunk, do drugs or sleep around and turn into a whore. He is just being polite.

Look, morality in USA is different from that in India. A person may be normal in one culture, but the same person will be seen as a whore in another.

You dad is not over protective, you are over reacting. Don't get brainwashed by seeing what your friends are doing.

Why do you want to stay out after 10:30 pm amyway? Can you give a convincing answer?

Your dad has your BEST interests in mind!

Edit:
Don't listen to this "Ericka B" & "Sandyspa..". Both are just trying to tell you what they would do in their situation. Your parents will not be able to marry you off if you get a bad reputation. And that is exactly what's going to happen if you listen to these girls.

I get hit on by many desperate females here, but I have still stuck to my family traditions. Please, don't do anything that will make your parents' heads hang in shame in front of his relatives and friends. We don't need to adopt something worse when we know what we have is better. Never replace the good with the bad, replace the bad with the good.

Learn cleanliness, politeness, traffick sense from the Americans because they are good. But don't learn clubbing, getting drunk and sleeping around from them, because they are bad!

Answer 4

I guess the phrase all parents like to use against their children "as long as you're under my roof" comes into play here. I would so be aggravated with his 'curfew' of 10:30 that so sucks you're 21 for goodness sakes. Still... his house his rules. Sure sneak out, but you have to think about this first. What if one night you sneak out and don't return because something horrible has happened to you? How would your parents feel about that. Sure danger lurks around every corner, but right now you're in his house and it seems he likes to know that you're home.

If you want that freedom I suggest moving out. Then he can't tell you to be home by a certain time.

But your situation becomes difficult because you guys have some sort of "tradition" going on. You have to be married off before you are able to leave the house? That sucks.

I say you sit him down and demand he listens to you! Don't take no for an answer. Tie him up if you have too... lol... ok, don't tie him up, but seriously demand he listen to you or else you would continue to rebel and it would most likely lead to a much worse situation.

Good Luck

Answer 5

Well really its OK for your dad to tell people it's just a human way of kinda getting something off your mind. No you shouldn't be mad at your dad he is trying to help you in your life and make good decisions you do have the right at 21 but if your living with him you 2 should make a good time to be home

Answer 6

Better NOT to continue sneaking out ...!!!
... Yes, there is a vast difference between what U think, and what Ur parents think.....!!!!
WHEN I was a child like U, I used to think like U !!....Now a father, ....and have similar (not Identical..!)mind-frame as Ur dad's !!!!!
......I know Ur worries, ..... because, I am an Indian too..!!!!!
But the best way probably is to discuss the whole thing with Ur parents......, though I DO understand, it is such a 'HEAVY & HARD TASK' to discuss with elders !!!!!!!
.....But the old days are Gone ..... !!! U need to come out, sit with Ur Dad and take the matter UP with him & others !!!!!!...Both sides must give an Unbiased & 'patient-hearing' to each other !!!!.....to find out the BEST ANSWER !!!

But my Dear, U know, we ALL,....U yourself, Ur parents, Ur relatives & neighbourslive,....live in a society !!!!!!
It therefore is desirable to find out such means as would suit all aspects !!!!!.....REALISTCALLY though !!!!!

Answer 7

Don't be mad at your father for being concerned about your safety. Turn this around and if you did what you pleased and your father didn't care, who would you feel knowing that he really didn't give a crap what time or where you are at night.

He isn't doing these things to make you mad or to hurt you. This man loves you and wants you to respect what he is trying to teach you. Stop with the sneaking out and show your father a little respect.

Answer 8

my dear, dear friend, please understand you have only this life to position yourself properly and "hit the mark" of your own destiny. There are so many distractions in life that will make you lose your concentration and leave you off track from your right direction. Discipline will keep you focused. Be grateful you have a family who are helping you in this. Time will come you will not have them with you and you will be on your own.

There are things that your old folks would avoid to tell you what the dangers are that they fear might perhaps destroy you. You will know that only when you will have your own children or when you have found yourself caught in the quagmire of failure and misery because you have not listened to them....

I have high regard for the ability of Indians. This race is exceptionally gifted with intuition and I know them to be sensitive to cosmic signs. Correct me if I am wrong.

Answer 9

I really feel for you. My Mom and Dad was the same way. I am now older,and both of them have passed. That hasn't stopped me from feeling resentful towards them for doing that. Life is just a very short trip.Tomorrow you will be fifty and feel like you haven't been able to have your full life. Mine was stopped by my parents being to "Overly Protective". I ended up marrying some Idiot from Japan just to get out of the house. And I knew what I was doing! That is the only reason I married him. It wasn't because , "I was Young". I was not young, I was twenty three.I could have taken care of myself just fine.Tell your dad to let you go. Let you start your life now,and not when you are middle aged. Tell him you know it's hard to let you go, but he must no matter how hard it is. I feel the first part of my life was wasted , and I feel Cheated! It's Not Fair!

Answer 10

You must master "The Shake Off" a classic technique to get rid of annoying dads. Practice this skill on your dog, when you feel ready to actually to use it make sure you wear some athletic shoes, I recommend Adidas to execute the shake-off.

And remember always turn off your phone.
And if you're late just change the time on your phone back. If you're over an hour late tell him the food you ordered came out to you late. And if you don't come home at all tell your dad you just fell asleep watching Shrek at your friend's house.