I am in a tough spot. I love my fiancee with all my heart. For some reason though she hates my family. Granted there have been times when they seem to have reservations about us. They do love her though. My mom has even gotten us honeymoon reservations in Hawaii and is paying for most of our wedding. Still my fiancee insists that they hate her and that they think she is freeloading off of me since I am helping her through school (she'll be helping me when she is nursing after next semester). I've told her and they've told her that they lover her, but she thinks they're all fake just to be courteous to me. Now she doesn't even want to have anything to do with them. I've missed Christmas Eve with my family, which is very important to me, just to be with her and show her that she is still #1. I don't know what to do. Everyone who is nice to her (friends, family) is just "fake" in her eyes with the exception of me.
2007-12-24 15:37:42 · 10 answers · asked by mac 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
p.s. her family consists of her mother who has never had a stable relationship and her brother who lives 300 miles away.
p.p.s. please give me some constructive insight. I'm tire of the "just dump her" advice. These people don't know what it's like and probably have commitment issues themselves. We do in fact love each other.
2007-12-24 15:41:33 · update #1
Is she just selfishly wanting you all to herself? If so, you'd better re-think this relationship very carefully. From what you said, I don't see anything that indicates they hate her. Honeymoons in Hawaii are seldom gifts you give someone you hate (and I assume your honeymoon is for her as well).
You should invite her to join you at your family's special occasions. Then it's up to her whether or not she goes. But don't let her put a wall between you and your family. I see trouble on the horizon!
2007-12-24 15:45:00 · answer #1 · answered by missingora 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You both may love each other but I really don't think its about your family at all. I think she isn't ready for marriage but is concerned about your family already paying for everything and feels she must go through with it. If that is the case. (and I read that she said you would wait for her) then she would be marrying you for all the wrong reasons. She feels pressure because she isn't being true to herself or you on how she really feels. I know she loves you and you love her and if her insecurity is surfacing now then its best to hold off. Yes, she knows your family will be upset with her and that is part of her anxiety. Ask her if she would feel better sitting down with you first and talking about postponing the wedding. Please realize this doesn't mean she won't marry you, just that until she is truly ready it will only cause more problems down the road. The real reason is inside of her and she is not comfortable enough to let you or your family know. She feels she is letting you down and your family is having to pay the price for that. You both need to sit down and discuss how her nursing career will be and how much responsiblity it will be for her to support you while she helps you. She is feeling pressure from all sides (of her life) and needs to focus on one thing at a time. Let her finish school and settle in on a job, then work on your career which may have to be on hold a little longer than you may expect but knowing how to get her through right now is more important than planning a wedding with somone who just is not ready yet.
2007-12-24 17:52:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do understand where your coming from. Yes, you love her. But, she needs to change in that area, when it comes to your family. Why don't you just have your family and her talk. You know both family and your girl. Deep down you know what's the right thing to do. Give it a chance and try to work it out with gathering your family and her together. If you don't see any change. Then I'm sorry to say but it's very simple. Don't get married.
2007-12-24 16:08:59 · answer #3 · answered by rstylist26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like she is trying to pull you away from your family. Since there are no children involved get out will you can. She sounds like a controlling B- Witch. She basically used you to get her through school. If she is telling you everyone os a fake what is she saying behind your back. Think about it. She needs mental help. Before she thinks about getting married.
But you will do what you want. In about 5 years you will either be in divorce court or one of you will be in prison for murder.
2007-12-26 11:25:10 · answer #4 · answered by pandazoogurl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have just one thing to say, "RUN FOREST,RUN!!!"
This is not a good sign. There is something very wrong with this picture. Things will become worse and worse as the years drag on. Then one day you will say to yourself, "what have I done? Look at all the good years I've wasted with this miserable person." Then It will only cost you a lot more to get out of it.
Good luck!
2007-12-24 15:56:29 · answer #5 · answered by Mr. G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say that you love her, but do you really want to marry her? She has problem, and is not going to stop when you are maary. You both need major marriage couseling before the wedding. Believe me is not going to get better after you marry her. Think about it is not just your family, is everybody else. Your girlfriend has problems, and neither you or her will be happy until they are resolve.
2007-12-24 15:52:44 · answer #6 · answered by loralaey 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, she shouldn't be #1, your family should be and she should understand that. If she can't, there might be something wrong with her. Second, if she's willing to make you miss out on things that are important to you just so she can be happy, she might not be worth staying with. She's not going to get any better with time and this paranoia just might ruin your relationships with your friends and family. And really, if she's that paranoid about this, are you sure you really want to be stuck with her?
2007-12-24 16:48:43 · answer #7 · answered by Tarabizzle 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you do in fact love her, sit her down and talk to her. Love goes both ways, explain while you love her you still love your family, and shouldn't have to chose.You let her know that Xmas eve is important to you and that you want to spend it with them and you want to include her.Tell her that your family loves you enough to accept whom ever you want to be with , and whether or not she believes them, she should accept their offer of love.When you love someone you do all that you can to make them happy, and if she not willing to meet you half way, you need to do some serious thinking. I'm not saying dump her, but think seriously about someone who doesn't care about your needs, If your mother loves you enough to pay for half, and is trying to reach out to you. Who loves you unconditionally. think about it. She needs to get over her Fake attitude
2007-12-24 16:13:36 · answer #8 · answered by luvsmusiz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I want to know why you and LM are asking essentially the same question but from different points of view. The details are identical. Are you both Y!A addicts or doing it together?
I think you should postpone the wedding and get some pre-marital counseling.
2007-12-24 18:43:58 · answer #9 · answered by Freke 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you are going to have to work this out or have problems.
you need better communication with your fiancee to work this out.
2007-12-24 15:46:49 · answer #10 · answered by Sufi 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋