how can i learn to let others solve their own problems...lol?

Question

seems that people always flock to me to help them as iam good at calling ppl on the phone, matchmaking etc.
its as if several of my co-workers have forgotten how to dial numbers etc.
i call lawyers, cell phone ppl., landline phone companys, doctors etc etc etc.
i even had to call one womans ex and leave him a message to please consider thier child and pay his child support.
i do have a knack for getting things done but now everytime i turn around iam wanted to call or fix something.
i was asked to be present when one lady went to see a lawyer about divorce.
i help some ppl cut down on their bills by talking to the utilitys companys as i know the best deals.
i love helping ppl but i think its time i let them do their own things.
any of you have this same problem?
oh one lady had me call her loan company and beg them not to take her home!
she gave me all of her info and i was her on the phone.

Answer 1

Sometimes you can listen, without offering help, ask probing questions, and watch as they come up with their own solutions. That way you have aided in their personal growth, self-determination and decision making skills.

We fixers have a tendency to be fixing things in our heads before the actual good questions get asked.

Answer 2

It's nice to be wanted isn't it? It validates us, gives our lives a value & a meaning.

I am sensing that you are starting to realize that you have created a monster. Instead of feeling rewarded by helping others you are starting to feel burdened by everyone elses problems.

So how about you? Who comes to YOUR rescue when you need help? I have come to realize for myself that I find it a lot easier to be kind to others, & not so easy to be that way for myself. It's as if I somehow feel I don't even deserve some of my own kindness. Do you do the same as well?

Of course you have taught people that you are the "go to girl".
Since you are so naturally talented for getting things done, & people motivated, maybe you have a marketable talent.
I wonder how many people would take advantage of your gift if you charged a small fee for your services.
It might even turn into a rewarding career for you.
Or it might make people be more inclined to take care of their own business.
Either way it has the potential to pay off, you will either earn some extra income, or you will be left alone. At the very least charging for your services will weed out the more frivolous requests for your help.

Just a thought!

Answer 3

By doing for other people on a regular basis you rob them of the opportunity to find their own strength and take responsibility for their own issues. You could give them advice on how you would handle it and suggest they do it themselves. Another option is you can turn your talent into a business. Start charging a fee for your services.

I'm all for helping people but there's a fine line that you have to draw with people who are not willing to help themselves. You obviously have a talent for getting things done and you could easily turn that talent into a business. If people are not willing to pay you for your services, they'll find a way to get done what needs to be done. By refusing to do for them for free you'll be providing a different kind of service that will help them find their own strength. Sounds like a win-win.

The main thing is don't be afraid to say no if that's what you want to say. Because you're willing to help, people take advantage of your good will. You need to set some boundaries for yourself so you don't go crazy.

Answer 4

Oh you have a kind heart.......just go on what you can do to help people.........to be altruistic is the real key happiness to life. because when you can help resolve their problems, they are all recorded in heaven, and i am sure you will have your time of need and the opportunity will come running to your door too......so I am glad there are people like you........Just take care of yourself...many people need you ok???good luck and Happy New Year dear!!!

Answer 5

People have to learn how to survive on their own. instead of doing their business for them, give them advice on how to get accomplished themselves. For the more persistent one's who just INSIST they can't do it without you, tell them what to do but still make them do it. If you don't stand your ground against them they'll walk all over you and abuse your kindness.

Answer 6

the problem is, you have no personal boundaries.

it's unhealthy to do things for other adults, when they are perfectly capable of doing things for themselves.

"no" is a word... stop saying "yes" when you mean NO.

TAKE CARE TOO!