i have been dating this guy and he recently found out that he got his ex pregnet. she's keeping the baby but he doesn't love her he likes me alot. he cannot stand his ex and he is always telling me how bad he wants to be with me and how i'm different from any other girls he's been with. but i feel guilty because i feel that he should be with the mother of his baby but he doesn't want to be with her. i don't know if he is just mad at the situation and really means all the things that he saids about her because they were once in love. please help me because i'm confused and i need good advise on what to do.
2007-12-24 14:38:02 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If he love you a baby will not make him love other one. And if he goes with her just for the baby all of them including the baby are going to be unhappy all their life. I was on that same situation and I decided not to be with my baby moms. I love my daughter and my wife (not her mom) and we get alone really well.
2007-12-24 14:43:25 · answer #1 · answered by opiapr 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take a deep breath, stuff like this happens all the time, they are not meant to be. If the relationship was over between him and his ex before you came into the picture, you really don't have a problem. Just let your boyfriend know that no matter how much he may despise his ex that has nothing to do with the child and that he should take responsibility and be a part of the child's life, but don't let this situation stop you from have a wonderful relationship with him, if he is truly sincere with how he feels about you.
2007-12-24 14:53:13 · answer #2 · answered by Firebird 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did she get pregnant while he was dating you? Cause that's a whole different ball game...
Take it from a single parent: being with the father of your children is not always in everyone's best interest. If he doesn't want to be with her, and just goes back to her out of guilt, he won't be happy, she won't be happy, and the kids will be screwed because they'll grow up seeing two people who don't love each other. They won't get to see what a relationship can really be.
It's great that you're empathetic to the situation and that you're willing to put the welfare of that baby ahead of your own feelings, but don't scrap the relationship out of feelings of guilt.
There's a big difference between being with the mom, and taking responsibility for the baby. He can still be a good dad and be with you.
2007-12-24 14:48:28 · answer #3 · answered by lee_anne301 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU don't need to do anything. If he got someone pregnant, then he's got a responsibility to the child...but just like couples who have kids and divorce, he's under no obligation to be with her (and getting back with her solely because she's pregnant is a recipie for the relationship to fail again anyway).
If you and he want to pursue something, then do so...you just have to realize he'll have obligations to the child (if his ex has a child and keeps it) and his ex will therefore be a part of his life for as long as he lives (unless the child passes before either of the parents).
You've got to decide for yourself if you think it'll be worth the extra challenge to pursue anything with this guy or not...he's got a lot of responsibility and some challenges on his plate now (that he wouldn't have otherwise), but then so does the gal he got pregnant.
P.S. Hope YOU are using a good form of birth control, and condoms if you are sexually active with him.
2007-12-24 14:46:27 · answer #4 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a really bad and confusing situation. It doesn't sound like he was very smart in the first place for doing what he did. He also should take some resposibility for the child he created. I hate when guys create something so beautiful as a child, then freak out and push it away. It is better to find a guy that will take responsibility for his actions and is willing to stick by your side through thick and thin. I say dump that guy and find someone better.
2007-12-24 14:44:06 · answer #5 · answered by Queen of Smarts 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is a good guy, he will be a man and help take care and support the baby. IF he doesnt want anything to do with the babys life, and he isnt going to help out his ex [regardless of whether he hates her or not he should be there..] then obviously he isnt the kind of guy you should be with either.
Look for the qualitys in a guy. If he's a ditcher, he should be ditched.
2007-12-24 14:42:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know what you feel....however, how did he get his ex pregnant if he is with you? How does he NOT like her if he was still screwing her while you two were together?
If he cheated on you and got her pregnant then, I wouldn't stay with him because even though he doesnt like her you too will have to deal with her and that child. Baby mama drama is not fun...trust me. It can be a strain on you personally and on your relationship.
How do you know that he wont go back to her? You dont want to deal with that for the rest of your relationship. I cannot tell you what to do because it's your choice....but being with him sexually now is not fun thinking about since he's screwing her too. They still had to be while you were with him.
I've been through that and it's not fun. It's like you are a foutrth wheel.
2007-12-24 14:45:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I noticed you said he "likes" you alot. If you can't brag about how in love you are, it's not worth it.
My boyfriend was 2 when his dad left his mom for another girl. Don't let that baby go without a father.
A lifetime of drama awaits you if you do. Child-support, court, visits, child drama when it turns into a teenager, problems between you and the mother, etc.
He needs to play daddy for 18 years.
And if you can't wait that long, move on.
Don't interfeer with paternal instincts that'll kick in soon.
2007-12-24 14:48:22 · answer #8 · answered by Learene 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may say he doesn't want her now, but a newborn brings couples together in a lot of ways that are unexpected. He may change his mind and eventually want to make it work with this ex when that bay is born. You are taking a chance staying with him. If you believe in him and what the two of you share, then take the risk, but understand it's a risk. If you don't think he'll stay true to you, end it now, before you have major heartbreak.
2007-12-24 14:42:50 · answer #9 · answered by sustasue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he found out about the baby after they had broken up I don't think they should be together. Obviously there was some reason why they didn't work. Go ahead and try it out with him but realize that he suddenly has baggage. even tho he doesn't like the mother he still has to deal with her for the rest of the childs life. Make sure he works things out with her
2007-12-24 14:42:41 · answer #10 · answered by Kookie M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋