My fiance and I plan to get married Oct. 2008. 2 weeks ago my cousin offered for me to adopt her unborn child (due May 2008). I can not have children. So this would be the closest thing i would ever have to a biological child. The baby would be white/mexican mix and he can't deal with that. Does anyone have any advice as to how to get him to warm up to the idea? I have told him that if it came down to me choosing. I would choose the child. I've wanted a child alot longer than i have wanted him. But want to keep both. Any ideas?
2007-12-24 13:41:40 · 13 answers · asked by Candace 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Tell him that its what you really want and if he loves you he will understand. Try showing him the sonogram pictures, and letting him hold the baby once its born. But if your fiance doesnt like the child as a harmless baby, then I dont think he will like it much when its older. He will probably make the poor kids life a living hell. It sounds like he is not a very good man. I am very sorry that you cant have children. This child is part of your blood though so it is the next best thing. Men dont understand how sensitive this subject is for us. You are right in choosing the baby. There are thousands of men out there who will love you and your baby.
2007-12-25 00:28:20 · answer #1 · answered by Mooka 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can't have both and you are going to have to choose. The advice isn't for him to warm up to the idea - he does not want the child. The advice to you is to be glad he is upfront with you.
Another thing for you to consider is that your cousin may change her mind and keep the baby. And how can you be sure the baby will be healthy - bringing a sickly baby into a relationship can break down the best of relationships. She has offered for you to adopt the child, but have you looked into the legalities of such an agreement?
Lastly your finance is racist. Do you really want to be with someone like that?
2007-12-25 00:17:31 · answer #2 · answered by bin there dun that 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you adopt this child, you will have to be both mother and father to it until the right guy comes along. You are going to be a package deal if you take in this little baby and that means that he or she will need parents that think it is the most beautiful wonderful and darling child ever. This man has already made it clear that he can not accept this child as his own. Take him at his word as it is sure to be pain and suffering for you both if he can't deal.
2007-12-24 21:48:32 · answer #3 · answered by Mama Mia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't make anyone accept something or someone that they don't want to.
He may not want children, since he accepted the fact that you cannot have any.
Also, why are so many couples rushing into parenthood?
You're talking about taking on the responsibilities of a baby and haven't even gotten married yet!!!
Gosh, God forbid that he would like for the two of you to have a few years of enjoyment together, without bringing in someone else immediately.
Ladies want the wedding, the husband and the kids.
Men would prefer to have a little fun for as long as possible.
He knows that the responsibility & stress of providing for a family will fall on him.
You're right to think which one that you really want, because you're probably going to get exactly that, just one. You'll have the baby, but you won't have your man.
I gave this advise to a close friend of mine 2 yrs ago, when she was determine to have a child & her husband already had 2 from a previous marriage. Though he said he wanted one with her, she knew that he didn't because he repeatedly said so, but only gave in to the idea to pacify her & shut her up!
He had just started his business and & basically married her because she couldn't have kids & liked the fact that they were free to come & go as they please.
Before the child was even born, he left. And now she's left raising this child on her own and cannot find a date.
Men go into marriage thinking that it's going to be just like it is in the present; lots of fun & sex. Then they get married and not much fun anymore, and very little sex.
Then women wonder why men stray.
2007-12-24 21:59:56 · answer #4 · answered by dtown 4 · 2⤊ 3⤋
You sound super selfish. YOU want them both, even tho' that means the child will be unwanted by your man. Do you have any idea of the pain involved with being unwanted by your own parents and YOU would like to add a substitute parent who doesn't really want to be on board. Have you studied ANYTHING about the primal wound? So if you have to make a choice, you'd choose to be a single parent.selfish
you can't adopt an unborn child anyway
why don't you step up and help your cousin parent her baby?
2007-12-25 04:51:45 · answer #5 · answered by Adoptionissadnsick 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
If the only reason he doesn't want it is because of the race of the child then you've got a real look at who you're planning to marry and may want to reconsider. This may be a blessing in more ways than one.
2007-12-24 21:55:02 · answer #6 · answered by doktrgroove 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Can he not handle it because the child is mixed or becuase it is not his and he doesn't want one. If it is becuase the kid is mixed ditch him he is why the world is the way it is. And if it is cause it is not his then I don't know he came into the relationship knowing there would be no kids which is probably what he wants it to stay so you would be better to probably not go on with your relatioship with him if you really want the kid.
2007-12-24 21:50:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your fiance has a problem with the Mex-white mix, then you need a better human being for a boyfriend.
good luck with that. I wish the child a full life safe from the prejudicial stupidity from such as your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend.
2007-12-24 21:45:26 · answer #8 · answered by shoestring_louise 5 · 7⤊ 0⤋
You can't force your fiancee to accept your child. Only time will tell if he actually will or not. Don't let him ruin your happiness when you do get your baby. Boy or girl that baby will be a blessing to you and if you are lucky your finace will see that. If not...drop him. You and the baby will be better off without him.
2007-12-24 21:46:52 · answer #9 · answered by Clueless 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He has told you how he feels. If you marry him, it would be unfair to the child. You have already made your choice. I wouldn't trust his promise to change his mind -- if that happens.
2007-12-24 21:51:50 · answer #10 · answered by notyou311 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋