Who ever can tell me the funniest joke wins 10 points! Jokes like this one : Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?
2007-12-24 12:12:46 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "Darling, this is the hog I have made love with when you have a headache."
His wife is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."
The man says: "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
2007-12-24 19:19:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I'll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby. "I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say?" the victim cries. "He says you're gonna die."
There was a taxi cab driver in New York. He was working on halloween. A Nun waved him down and he stopped. She climbed into the car and they started driving. The Taxi cab driver kept on looking in his rear view mirror at the nun, when finally she asked," My child, why are you staring at me?" And he answered her," I always wondered what It would be like to kiss a nun." So she said to him," Well, I'll let you kiss me but only if you are Christan and unmarried." And he quickly said," OH! YES! I'm Christian and unmarried." So she had him pull off into an alley and gave him a kiss that would make a hooker blush. When they came out of the alley the taxi cab driver's eye's started to water, and the nun asked," My child, why are you crying?" And he told her," I have sinned, I am not a Christian and I am married with two kids." And the nun said," That's ok, my name's Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."
2007-12-24 12:21:09 · answer #2 · answered by HAV U SEEN OR SMELLED MIKE HAWK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
heres a good one
once a man was walking in the forest when a group of cannibals sorrounded him with a hungry look in there eyes theman takes out his cellphone and calls his lawyer and says he's screwed andexplains his position the lawyer tells him hes not screwed and to take a rock and throw it at the leaders head the leader fell dead instanly the cannibals wen crazy all trying to get there revenge then the lawyer says now your screwed.
2007-12-25 07:32:52 · answer #3 · answered by ali q 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. (no racism or hair color offense, I am blond) They hear about a mirror that can tell if you are telling the truth, and if you aren't throws you out the window. So the redhead goes to the mirror and says,"I am the most beautiful person in the world."She was thrown out the window. The brunette goes up and says, "I am the smartest person in the world." and gets thrown out the window. The blonde went up, said, "I think.... " and got thrown out the window.
2007-12-24 12:25:06 · answer #4 · answered by ARAX 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO OFFENSE TO BLONDES!
Why was the blonde found dead in a pool?
Because there was a "scratch and sniff" sticker at the bottom of the pool
A blonde gets pulled over for swerving on the highway. Her response was "I was trying to avoid the tree in front of me" (tree-shaped air freshener)
2007-12-24 15:50:32 · answer #5 · answered by nmracing 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,eating her curds & whey,along came a spider & sat down beside her & said "What's in the bowl Witch?"
2007-12-24 12:26:34 · answer #6 · answered by latachia_2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A burglar breaks into a house. He starts shining his light around looking for valuables. Some nice things catch his eye, as he reaches for them, he hears, "Jesus is watching you."
Startled, the burglar looks around the room. Seeing no one, he keeps putting things in his bag, again, he hears, "Jesus is watching you." This time, he sees a parrot.
"Who are you?" the burglar asks.
"Moses," the bird replied.
"Who the heck would name a bird Moses?" the man laughed.
"I dunno," Moses answered," I guess the same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."
2007-12-24 13:35:15 · answer #7 · answered by mercpilot 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have you seen the movie diherra???
(response from the person you asked will be no considering thats not a movie)
"NO"
Thats Casue it hasn't come out yet!!!!
Thats the best i got
2007-12-24 12:18:08 · answer #8 · answered by Megan 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
www.riddlesandjokes.com
srry I'm lazy ^^
2007-12-24 12:16:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋