She says she wants emotional intimacy but not physical, is she using me?

Question

Well this girl is recovering from a break-up. We became friends and discovered that we had great chemistry. She stopped talking about her ex and became really positive.So after a month I made a move. She showed me her cheek when I tried to kiss her. I texted her later asking why, then she said we indeed had great chemistry. But she wanted me only as a platonic friend who is there for her!

She said she is not ready for relationship now, but even when she is she will NOT choose me, becuase she thought i was special and will keep me as an intiamate friend. She said she wants intimacy from me and wants me to be there for her everyday but does not want anything physical with me ever.

I feel completely used and hurt. What she said was equivalent to a guy saying, I want physcal relationship with u but nothing emotional, but in this case it was the reverse. There is no way I can take her offer. But what do other girls and guys think? Is this a test of some kind or is she using me?

Answer 1

I give her credit for being honest, but not much else. It sounds like she is taking advantage of your feelings to try and keep you on the hook (every day? I don't expect that kind of support from my friends unless there's a crisis - and even then, I know it's a lot to ask). And even if it is a test, why would you want a relationship with someone who'd try to play such an elaborate game with your feelings? Let her know that if she wants platonic intimacy, she's going to have to get it from someone who's not interested in anything else, and move on.

Answer 2

Im not going to say she is not using you, because I do not know this girl. But indeed she does sound like she is.

Although, she could just be testing you, to see if you will actually indeed stay by her side when she needs you most. You know girls love that about guys.

Well anyways..give it a few months with sticking by her side. Even if their is no physical intimacy going on with her. If in a month or so, she does not change, or say she wants more from you, then get rid of her. Stay her friend, but don't be as close.

Find someone else that wants the same as you, emotional and physical. (if she does not say she wants more)

Good luck with this problem. I'm sure if I knew her, I would be able to help more. But I hope what I have said, gives you some good advice. :)

Answer 3

husband has some serious meridional baggage, for real. You cannot change him. He is a-0sexual. The key is his being a total gentleman for 5 years. If he desired you, kissing your ears and launching his tongue against yours are trying to touich your breasts would have happened....Nothing. He coyuld erbeeven be a latent homosexual. You are entitled to an active healthy sex life in marriage. He cannot give you this for many reaqsons which only a complete bhattery of emotional disorders, behavioral diusorders and anixiety disorteders tests and a complete phsyciatric workupo could indentify as the problems. The jkey is his explosiveness about anger...If it eruyps, you could be the recipionat of physicla abuse. I;d get into individual therpsy with an expert an rage and sexual repression. If you must leave, you will have top dioo it when he is not home and go into hiding. You would divorce on mental cruelty fgtrounds. Starting now, initiate NO SEX. Speak to a divorce lawyer. I bleieve your sesxual days with him oif you do nmot initiate are at an end. In that case, you have moire divorce grounds. He will expode at your leaving., Make sure he cannot rterace you,. Speak to a divorce lawyer about how top accomplish this. He has mental problems, and you misiudentified his shaling hands for 5 years as respect. WRONG>

Answer 4

I don't think she's using you, but I think she is a little bit clueless about the types of long-term, close relationships guys and girls have with each other.

She's also really afraid of losing you, of starting something with you, because she thinks it'll end up falling apart. That's why she wants to not turn it into more and "keep you" as a friend. If she doesn't take that step towards something more intimate, then she thinks that she won't lose you. The really sad thing is that she loses out--because it means that she's not willing to have someone as special as you as her significant other.

You'll have to decide if you want to hang around and see if she changes her mind about dating you (sometimes girls can take a while to recover!), kind of treat it as a courtship, or if you'll back away.

Answer 5

Well.. I wouldn't say she is using you. This girl just got over a break up and she's looking for support right now. She wouldn't want to jump into a sexual relationship right now because she's probably not feeling it. It seems like she's looking for a best friend at the moment, but this could turn into a relationship which accompanys the physical aspects. Good luck. [: Just try to be nice & understanding if she's going through a hard time right now.

Answer 6

I think you need to tell her that she has to chose what she wants. She can either have a BF/GF relationship or friends. She can even have close friends however she cannot have an"Intimate" relationship yet still platonic. Her asking for this show that she does not even care for you much as a friend because if she cared for you truly, she would not play with your feelings.

Answer 7

no think of it this way . you are at least at friend status and you both get along great . what happens if you brake up. all that friendship would go right out of the window. if you keep up the friend thing then she may change her mind. just be understanding it sounds like she is having a hard time. be a good friend

Answer 8

yeah she is just using you. you have two choices if you really adore her friendship you can allow her to use you and see other people maybe shell realize what she has in front of her or you can just move on and forget about her........but i think that you should move on because i dont think that shes pysically attracted to u i mean im a girl and when i have chemistry for a guy and i want to be with him then i will no ifs and or buts and most girls can deny this but they no its true

Answer 9

She is not using you, she is insane. You don't need it that bad. You need to take a step back and ask yourself "what is in it for me". If the answer to that question is nothing you need to bounce. It is OK to be her friend, but don't try to be her girlfriend. If there is nothing in the relationship for you then she is not playing you.... You are playing yourself.

Answer 10

It is best to have a lot of friends that fit this category and only one that fills the other. Your friend is smart. Avoiding the physical saves a lot of drama.