Question About Adoption:?

Question

I am 13 years old and I was adopted when I was 6 months old. My parents have treated me with almost no rules through-out my entire life. Now, at the age of 13 they are trying to change things. Is there ANYTHING I can use agnest them, any legal right that parents who've adopted don't have that regular parents do?

Answer 1

Lizzy,

Hi.

Sometimes adoptive parents will begin to go into "paniac" mode when they begin to see their child entering into pueberty. This can happen when they still carry baggage about their own fertility or fear that you may grow into "a wild uncontrollable slut just like your mother." My adad once called me a whore as a teenager even though I was still a virgin. Adoptive parents are often told our mothers were young and got-themselves-in-trouble.

I am guessing that they were permissive because they were trying to gain your love, now that you are growing up, they are beginning to worry about keeping control of you. Aparently they feel the love isn't secure. More of your own personality is probably coming forth and it may be dawning on them how different you are. This scares them.

Non-adopted people do not understand the dynamic we share with the strangers/parents that raised us. You might like to check out our site for adoptees, http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php there's a place for teens too

Answer 2

Sweetie,
Why would you want to "use ANYTHING against your parents"? Do you know what the alternatives are for your young age? They're not pretty.

When I adopted my little one from Russia, I read something I've never forgotten. Maybe this will help: There was a 13 year old boy, who'd been adopted from Korea when he was an infant. He got into some trouble (stealing beer, graffiti, etc.) when he was 15 or 16 and because his parents had not known to "re-adopt him", he was sent back to Korea, to prison. He did not speak a word of Korean and was getting lashed for punishment, on top of being in a prison, that by American standards, was Medieval.

What you are going through is NORMAL. We have all been through it, adopted or not. It is called adolescence. Hang in there. Having rules is a lot better than being in prison and not knowing the language.

Answer 3

You are asking about any legal differences between a person who adopts a child and a person who gives birth to a child. When someone adopts a child, under the law he or she is the same as a parent who gives birth to a child. There is no difference.

As far as what's happening regarding rules, you are under 18 so you are subject to the rules they set. It doesn't sound like there is any abuse occurring, so you may want to talk to them about why there are changes that, to you, appear extreme.

It is not unusual for parents to tighten up the rules when their kids hit the teen years, as there are different kinds of pressures and lures out there as children get older. Sometimes adoption can play into it in that your parents may have been lenient because they felt somewhat insecure or because they were so happy to have you that they went quite easy with the rules. I don't know them, you or your lives, so I cannot say. I can only go by instances I have seen in other families.

The only way you can know anything about why your parents are tightening up on the rules is to ask them, in a calm, respectful way. Don't sound "pissy" or mad about the new rules when you ask, because that won't get you anywhere. Looking for something to "use against them" will definitely get you nowhere. Any rules they are making are because they feel these rules will protect you.

Again, talk to them. But, the bottom line about parents and rules is that they are the parents, so they have the final say while you're still a minor.

Answer 4

Adoption is final and they have full parental rights.
Only the court can strip those rights.
There is no manual that comes with babies so they probably realized that they were making mistakes and are trying to fix it. Also, children change at 12, 13 and 14 so maybe you need to look in the mirror as well. What are you doing differently.

Answer 5

I couldn't help but smile a little when I read your question. You see, from an outsiders perspective this has absolutely nothing to do with adoption and everything to do with being a teenager. No matter where you came from, how you were raised or who raised you, you will ALWAYS look for a way to "get around" the rules when you're a teenager. It's just a fact of life. Try to pick your battles with your parents and understand that they are making rules out of love and concern for your well being.

Answer 6

many adoptive children have different experiences as adolescents then bio children, so i do believe there is some validity to what you are saying..

but, unless you are being abused (physically, verbally...) i think you are dealing with the feelings that many parents share when their children reach adolescence.

but....

legally, they are your parents, and they have the same "legal right" to set boundaries as biological parents.

i know it sux. but you need to speak to them, explain your concerns and let them explain to you why they had no rules in the past and now wish to place harsh rules on you.

the bottom line, they are your parents. and absent of abuse or neglect, they do have the right to set rules and boundaries...

Answer 7

I am answering this from the perspective of one who is adopted and one who has adopted 2 children. Honey- they are your real and regular parents. Don't ever forget that. When any child becomes a teenager, rules sometimes need to change, because of your age. What would you want to use against them? They love you, and they want what is best for you. Rules do not mean they don't love you- that is what my husband and I are trying to make our son understand. And is there any difference legally between an adoptive and biological child- absolutely none- the law considers them the same.

Answer 8

i was adopted at 6 months too.i remember when i was a teen,my friends used to think THEY were adopted as their parent's were so "unreasonable" about rules,etc. at 13 you are changing from a child to a woman,and all parent's whether biological/adoptive feel confused and sad when they see the child change.maybe they didn't set rules because they didn't need too,but now they do for some reason!. anyway i don't think this question is really related to being adopted,it sounds to me more a case of clashing with parent's as you go into puberty and discover the world around you!.and for the record,i met my birth parent's 8 years ago.my birth mother,nice as she is,is the least maternal person i have met,and had a terrible time raising her other 2 children.I was the lucky one,as adoptive parent's are hardly gonna be approved for adoption if they are not maternal and badly want a child!

Answer 9

No...they are your legal parents with all the same rights as natural parents. You have to obey their rules. Behave yourself and you won't get in trouble. Remember they love you.

Answer 10

Adoptive parents have all the rights that birthparents have. Your parents should take some fault for not setting some rules and boundaries for you prior to this. I would probably guess that you took advantage of your parents’ relaxed attitude/rules. Them finale not being so easy on you is a good thing and at least they are starting now you might not like it now at 13 but one day you will be glad they did this. People need rules and boundaries.

Answer 11

Your parents are your parents Lizy. They are putting rules in place to protect you from things you can't even fathom in the world right now. It's wrong that they didn't set up rules for you in the first place but they were probably just wanting you to feel loved & didn't know how to do that best. I feel sorry for them that they have such a manipulative daughter who would try to find ways to LEGALLY thrwart them just because they put a few rules in place for you! Any GOOD parents gives their children rules & boundaries. Get over it.