What do I do?????

Question

my step-son (he's 5) lives with his mother full-time and me and his father get him every other weekend (generally)...It's been about a month or so since we've last seen him andhis attitude has changed quite a bit since then....First he's more aggressive with his brother who is 22 months, and last night (Sunday) my husband's sister came over to open x-mas presents and while sitting on the couch he sat on her lap...within a few minutes he started rocking back and forth and said "Anna, look were having sex" (names have been changed) we were all APPAULED! and when asked where he heard it he said from his mom..apparently they share a bedroom???
so, the question now is what do I do? technically we have no rights (they were never married) and we see him on her terms....he comes to our house after a month with hair to his chin, smells like pee, and now this...anybody with a similar experience? or that can offer ACTUAL advice????
thanks and Merry Christmas to all! :)

okay, this response is to DDT:
we CANNOT see him on a reg. basis as I said there are no custody papers and we see him when SHE wants us to...we try to get him every weekend but she doesn't allow it...and when we asked him where he heard/saw it he said my mom..end of story..we didn't push it..but there ws another similar incident that happened this weekend too with my step-brother and we are just confused at what to do..we haven't confronted her yet..we wanna get our ducks in a row first..we document everything...and called DFS doesn't work we did that about a yr. ago when her boyfriend at the time pushed him into a wall and held him by the neck of his shirt..they investiagted and told them she would break it off with the BF end of story..plus they called her 3 days in advance and gave her warning so of course he didn't smell like piss or have long hair...not saying she's a bad mom, just a scorned one obviously :)

Answer 1

You need to take him the next time you have him and get him evaluated by a child psychologist, they will assess whether he's being neglected or abused.

Once you have that done go to your local CPS or child welfare office and file a report for abuse.

You can actually, right now (in almost all state) go to that office and file an immediate request for temporary custody that will place him in your care while the judge looks into the allegations you will then file. He'll remain with you until either full custody is granted to you both, or until his mother is cleared of all charges.

I honestly believe its safer (so she doesnt up and skip out on everything) to get him evaluated first, and then file for temporary custody. That way the state doesnt have the first say, you'll have proof in hand.

That is NOT normal behavior for a 5 year old, and NOT okay. In my book its both neglect and abuse for a child to behave that way, because the things that it takes to but that behavior in a child are awful.

Answer 2

call a lawyer like now
also call the police and ask them what you can do

i have a friend who was in the same situation and did not return the child after the weekend was over but took the child to the police station so they could document everything and take reports and know what was going on before they were called by the mother

if your husband knows for sure he is the father then he does have rights as a father

make sure to talk to the local police and cps to find out exactly what you can do legally since i know laws are different everywhere

Answer 3

If possible you and your husband need to hire an attorney and try to get custody. Im not suggesting taking him away from his mother but atleast try and MAYBE have a little bit more control over his life.
I know how frustrated you must be. I cannot stand my husbands ex-wife. If we had money we would take her back to court for joint custody. She isnt a "bad" mother she just doesnt put discipline and school first. I cannot evem imagine if she was neglectful.

I wish you the best of luck. Try to shower this boy with love and the right kind of attention. It doesn't sound like he gets much from his mom.

Answer 4

If he's 5 then he's old enough to understand if you ask if something is going on, but you have to word it so he understands without giving too much away. He may have just seen something on TV.
If he does give you more specifics, I'd have a doctor check him and call the police.
I hope you are wrong. Good luck

Answer 5

Talk to the mom. Maybe he saw something (not necessarily her or she has a valid explanation) and she explained what it was - and that's what he remembers - the rocking. He undoubtedly (like most 5 year olds) doesn't think of sex as good or bad yet.

It's obvious you don't like the woman, but give her the benefit of the doubt, at least for your step-son. His parents' (and their spouses) interaction and relationship is very important for his emotional development. Don't let him down. Especially if his mom isn't the "best" mother.

Answer 6

omg i would be so shocked, and upset, i dont know which country you are in but if he is on the birth certificate in the uk he has rights as his father and you can go for joint custody of him woth regular access, i dont know about USA or anywhere else , Im so sorry that this little boy has learnt this from his mother its awful poor bit god knows what he is seeing.

I hope ive helped, merry christmas and i hope all works out x

Answer 7

I have never had a similar experience, I would try to see him on a more regular basis. Even though you are seeing him on her terms, it does not mean that can't change. Your husband should see a lawyer and look into his options. The more you see him the more influence (positive) you can have on him. If you're worried, call the children's aid society (anonymously).

Good luck!

Answer 8

Call child services. If he means anything to you, get him out of there.