Last night (after a couple of hot toddies) I sent an email to someone who told me to my face that she hates me (why, I don't know) and congratulated her and her husband on her being pregnant. I wasn't rude or anything like that. But I thought since it's Christmas I would be the bigger person and say something nice. Also, in the back of my head I was curious as to what her reaction would be when she read my nice email. She is very rude and takes every opportunity to be mean to people, especially her family. She purposely keeps things like this from her family and she got angry at me for sending care packages to her husband when he was in Iraq (we're both Army veterans).
It's actually kind of funny to be nice to a person who is mean. But I'm nice to everyone. It's just a lot harder to be nice to her. Did I make a mistake in doing this? Honest opinions only and please; no rude comments. It's Christmas!
2007-12-24 04:38:39 · 36 answers · asked by ndn_ronhoward 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Thank you everyone for the wonderful answers!
2007-12-24 05:08:34 · update #1
All you did was out grace her! You are an awesome man Ron! Peace!
2007-12-24 05:57:59 · answer #1 · answered by sandra b 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is never a mistake to be kind as long as you are sincere. You did mention that you didn't do this until "after a couple of hot toddies". Did the hot toddies have something to do with your actions? If you had not drunk the hot toddies, would you have done this? The answer to those questions might give notice as to how sincere you were in your "nice" email. Some people say "nice" things to be sarcastic. When your heart is right, it is always good to be nice to people who are mean to you in return. It is good to be nice to everybody regardless of the circumstances.
2007-12-24 04:49:45 · answer #2 · answered by DANGEROUS WHEN THREATENED 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is ever a mistake to be a bigger person and spread possitive energy. I would understand if you decided to never talk to someone who is such a jerk to you, but I don't think it is a mistake to extend your heart in a nice way. Problem is you may never receive anything nice back from the sound of things. Don't ever give and expect something back, as it is against the right reason for giving. You should give something (even a nice e-mail) because you want to give, not to receive something back, or to change the situation. Good luck.
2007-12-24 04:45:20 · answer #3 · answered by David C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well after a few Hot Toddies you should never let anyone know how you are feeling. The more you drink the more sense you think you make. Your best off continuing to be nice and keep your distance. Avoid confrontation and let her have her space. As my grand pops used to say, F*ck if they can't take a joke.
2007-12-24 05:51:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anderpup 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you made the right move by emailing her to congratulate her on her pregnancy. Just because she is a stick in the mud, doesn't mean you have to be, or stoop to her level.
Good for you for being the bigger person! Maybe if enough people go at her with kindness, it will rub off on her someday!
Have a Very Merry Christmas!
2007-12-24 04:47:49 · answer #5 · answered by *BCD's*Mom* 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you were being really nice. Thing is, maybe he was so thrilled with what you sent him, he may have mentioned them to her and she's jealous. Jealous people hurt a LOT of people though -- even family. She sounds very insecure. I usually won't drink and message (ha ha) -- did you re-read what you wrote? I think you did the right thing. Let her deal with her own issues -- NOT your problem - you were the bigger person. I don't think I'd want to be around this person.
2007-12-24 04:45:51 · answer #6 · answered by butterfliesRfree 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is she pregnant? if she is not, and has been trying to get pregnant or is over weight, then it was inappropriate.
If you were genuinely trying to be nice, what could be wrong with it? If she doesn't take it that way that is not your problem, unless you anticipated her reaction, but if you did anticipate it, you were probably wouldn't have been being so genuine, would have you?
Since you feel a need to ask ... well, that is a matter for your conscience.
2007-12-24 05:04:27 · answer #7 · answered by tinkertailorcandlestickmaker 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if you werent rude to her then I cant see anything wrong in what you have done. It sounds like shes someone who would take any opportunity to be difficult and nasty to people. Maybe be a bit careful in the future, she doesnt sound like she would see your efforts as a positive thing!
2007-12-24 04:48:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
kill them with kindness huh?
it seems as though liquid courage got the best of you last night huh? it happens, i wouldn't beat myself up over it though.
if she has already expressed her dislike of you, where can she go from there?
it's not necessarily an issue of being a bigger person, as it seems, because you mentioned that you do not know why she hates you. so it is not as if it has been an ongoing "fight" if you will.
just sounds to me as though you have some form of hurt feeling about her, you say you were friendly with her hubby, and family. perhaps you wanted to somehow win them all over, and feel bad that someone dislikes you. as you say you are nice to all.
let it go, your big heart is getting the best of you.
enjoy your christmas! xoxo
2007-12-24 05:11:28 · answer #9 · answered by Porkchop 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No u were not wrong. Being nice pays off all the time. Screw her let her b a grinch but one day she will be needing ur help. Continue to be nice. U will live long
2007-12-24 04:43:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being nice is never a social faux pas. It is always acceptable to be nice, even if the person you are nice to doesn't care much for you. It is a hard thing to do, but it seems you handled it just fine. :-)
2007-12-24 04:42:45 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋