How do you convince a 14 year-old brother that you care?

Question

My dad and I have had the hardest time getting in touch with my little brother solely because of his mother. They live in a different part of the state and she's always saying their moving across the country and when we call and she picks up she acts like he doesn't want to speak to us, but she feeds him lies. Many times we call and no one picks up or returns our call. I knew So it's really hard to get in touch with him. Now it's gotten more serious because he tried to commit suicide and was in the hospital. The mother blamed my dad for it and told him to stop trying to contact him. My brother thinks we don't care about him. It's the mother's fault because she keeps him away from us despite our many efforts. When my dad gets things in order where he can drive out to see him he's gonna take this to court for father's rights, but in the meantime my brother is thinking we don't love him or care about him. How do we convince him? He's 14 and somewhat spoiled, but troubled at the same time

It's not my mom oh no. We have different mothers, same father.

Answer 1

There is no overnight answer. It takes time and you have to be constant. Example:Don't try for a week then wait a couple more until you try again.

Sounds like communication will be a big factor if you succeed or not.

My parents got divorced because my mom was cheating on him. That event really split our family up big time. My little brother continued to live with my mom. It has effected him greatly in a bad way. What I do is keep in CLOSE contact with him. Trying to reach him on a phone is a joke. So I use Instant Messengers, Xbox 360 messages, email and go and have him come over as much as possible even though he lives over an hour away. Basically I let him know I am here for anything he needs.

When I talk to him I try my hardest not to bring up subjects that he tries shying away from. Example: How messed up our family is or anything negative in that sense. You want him to look at you as a friend. When he does come out I let him bring his friend and I will sit up ALL night playing Halo3 with him. I'm always pushing him to try new and fun stuff. Show him he means something to you, do stuff with him.

Also sounds like the mother is not helping the situation. Is she belittling you guys to him?

Even if your dad does take all this to court to get him to come out, he is 14 and in some states the child has a legal choice of not visiting.

Answer 2

I feel for you! I have been going through the same situation with my stepkids! Their mother has kept them from their father - my husband for years - feeding them lies about him - and saying that we dont love them - It has been an awful - time! The best thing you can do - is let him know that you are there for him - write letters - buy him a cell phone and give it to him! Whatever you do DO NOT bad mouth his mother to him! It is MUCH harder then you think - he may say some very hurtful things to his Dad and you - about what his mother is telling him - but take the high road. That is how we did it - and now my stepson has decided to live with us - and his mother only contacts him on Christmas and birthday - and that is a card and money - not even a phone call.
It is a long hard road - and many times you will be hurt - but please tell your Dad to stay in contact - if possible with his son - go and see him at the hospital - set up a certain time to call him - weekly or monthly. Try and set it up with him - and not through the mother - she is going to make it very hard for him - but believe me - it is worth it when he gets older. He needs love- and probably direction in his life. He is calling out for help.
Stay constant in his life - continue to call to speak to him. He should have - or get visitation with him. He needs his Dad in his life! I know it is hard - and you feel like you can't do a thing to help him - but you can - keep in contact. Does he have a myspace??! E-mail him, Don't stress him out about coming to live with you or anything. Keep it casual - how things going in school - eventually tell him if he isn't doing anything this summer - how would he feel about coming for a visit over the summer - plan some cool stuff to do with him. Maybe just a week or so - Good luck. He needs his Dad! My stepson did - and his is now 19 - and a much better person for his Dad being a constant figure in his life!!

Answer 3

he knows you care deep down, just remember that.. your mum sounds like a right piece of work if thats how she is, she'll regret it in later years and it will come back to haunt her and is selfish and doesn't relise the knock on effect it is having on everyone else.

all teens are troubled in ways in various way/degree's , it's part of growing up.. teenage angst i think they call it.

he may be spoiled, but money can't buy your time and attention.. so take a bit of time out with him.. doing such things is normally a cry for help. I guess his torn, your dad really needs to sort it out between him and her, but some adults act worse than kids, kids have an excuse as they are just being kids, but adults should know better.

my older sister and me, always used to argue as kids, we are both adults (well I am obviously..joke) now and get on a lot better.

just give it time, be a good listener if he needs that.. and woop him at whatever video game he plays =) hehe

just do something that he enjoys doing.. and give him a bit of your time.

Answer 4

Do you know what school he goes to? Maybe you can contact him thru the school.

Another idea is there is a way to send certified return receipt mail where the person you are trying to reach is THE ONLY ONE who can sign for the mail.

Another idea is to search for neighbors on the computer. I can't remember if this is on white pages or what, but you can get phone numbers for neighbors, and try to get a message to him that way!

I hope this works out! I hope this has helped!

Answer 5

so sorry to hear this..but i think your mother is contributing to your brothers problems, i mean he's 14 and tried to kill himself.,..that is so sad...i don't know what she's telling him but it is affecting him in a negative way....could you try and get a cell phone to him so you and your dad can contact him personally, he needs to know that he is loved, and as for your mother,she needs to stop bad mouthing you and your dad because what your brother did was a cry for help and it was down to her that he put himself in hospital...the next time he may succeed, and then it's down to your mum to pick up the pieces....sorry about your brother, i feel sad after reading this...sorry.....

Answer 6

Awww, how sad. You made me tear up a little bit. To show him that you care send him somthing awesome for Christmas. You could try to go see him in the hospital. Surprise him at his house. um..... Write letters!! I hope your dad gets his writes.

**Happy Holidays**

Answer 7

Pray. Its amazing the power of the human mind. Ask god for help. Happy Holidays, and best wishes to you and your brother.

Answer 8

No need to convince him

Answer 9

I WISH i could help,it's to deep for me.

Answer 10

well if he doesnt want to listen make him listen