a bit embarassing to ask. is it normal for guys in a healthy sexual realationship to watch porn secretly?

Question

this has been an issue in the past for my bf. we have a very active sexual relationship and there are no problems but i have been finding porn on the computer that he has gotten when im not here. it wouldnt be a problem if he just told me about it, im not a prude, i wouldnt care, i just want to be included. it makes me feel like i am not good enough, any thoughts? i just wish he wouldnt hide it.

Answer 1

I've seen this question A LOT on here.Lets face it girls men look at porn. I mean someone has to be or there wouldn't be so much of it out there. I personally don't see the need for it but men do. If he is doing it behind your back then he must feel ashamed on some level. He may feel that you wouldn't approve and that is why he is hiding it. Talk to him and let him know how you feel and that your not opposed to it only that you are feeling left out. Word of warning though, porn is okay on occasion but when it becomes an obsession and he starts opting for that instead of you and sets his whole schedule around it that is when the real trouble starts and something is really wrong.

Answer 2

Wow, this is a great question!! I divorced my first husband because of porn, not only was he secretly doing it and I knew, he lied about it and tried to hide it...he spend over 1500$ ordering it off the satelittle...I mean boy was sick- I had major issues with it and I spoke witht therapist and other guys I knew about what is so special about doing it in private and my current husband explained it to me as...when I guy goes for porn (a guy in a sexually healthy relationship) it mainly is because the "session" is all about him, he is not having to satisfy anyone else but himself. Yeah the porn is a the visual aid, but he is not having to worry about did she gets hers yet can I go ahead and rap this up? Visual stimulation is a big then for men, girls not as much...some like it. But my advice to you is, let him have his little "sessions" he isn't cheating he is simply taking care of him...it's completely normal...now if you decide to ask him and he lies...then you might want to seek out what the real issues are, but you need to communicate...and if you want that feeling of "I am not good enough" to go away, the next time you guys decide to become physical....make it soley about him...EVERYTHING all about him, don't even get involved yourself...you just do all the work...you know what I mean and don't let him return "the favor" just get up and go do something else and let him know that it was on you and you just thought you would favor him for once without both having too "get theirs"....I hope this makes sense and helps...

Answer 3

The fact that you want to be included is the problem. Girls always want to talk about crap and mess up the groove. That is why he doesn't share it with you because you probably ruin the experience.

However, here is a possible suggestion. Let him know that you know, and that you won't interfere...for now...so he can have his fun. Tell him, "Baby, I don't care where you get your appetite...as long as you only eat at home." At some point he may become comfortable with you joining in. If not, it will always be a bone (no pun intended) of contention and you will have to find somebody new. That is my Christmas gift to you.

Answer 4

Don't be embarassed about asking a great question! Answer: In a misogynistic society, it is "normal" to watch pornography. It teaches boys to view the female sex as toys that only exist for their prurient interest, essentially training them to be future misogynes. It also exploits the poor women in the movies, who often have already been sexually abused as children (how much of a choice does a psychologically confused person have, really?).
Rather than portraying sexual relations as a beautiful and intimate expression of love between a man and a woman, pornography demeans and distorts the sexual act. Casual and perverted sex are portrayed as exciting and desirable. Personal gratification with little or no regard for the other person is highlighted.
Women (and children) are portrayed as objects that exist only for sexual gratification. "Beauty is measured by proportion of body parts, shaping unrealistic expectations," says one report. "Depicting women as anonymous, ever-wanting/waiting, empty sex toys for men, stripping and exposing their bodies for monetary gain and entertainment cannot possibly translate into a message that can exist in harmony with equality, dignity and humanity," concludes another report.
On the contrary, Love "does not behave indecently," wrote Paul. "[It] does not look for its own interests." (1 Corinthians 13:5) The Bible exhorts men to 'love their wives as their own bodies' and to 'assign them honor,' not to view women as merely objects for sexual gratification. (Ephesians 5:28; 1 Peter 3:7) Is someone, who regularly feeds on sexually explicit images of other people, truly behaving decently? And is that person really showing honor and respect? Instead of love, pornography cultivates self-centered, selfish desire.

There is also another factor. Soon, like any other improper stimulation, what initially arouses becomes mundane and routine. "Over time," says one writer, "[the users of pornography] require more explicit and deviant material . . . They may push their partners into increasingly bizarre sexual activities . . . , diminishing their [own] capacity to express real affection." Does that sound like a harmless diversion?
Follow your excellent instincts and resist this woman-hate!

Answer 5

I think you may be reaping the benefits of his watching porn. Have you ever asked if you could watch it together? He could be wanting you to watch also. However, as long as he is not cheating on you, you should have no problem. My BF watches porn, and it doesnt bother me. Cause I reap the benefits of his watching porn. I too watch it with him. mmmmm

Answer 6

Yeah, I dated a guy once and woke up in the middle of the night to find him watching SCRAMBLED PORN on cable. LMAO!!!! I didn't say anything, just went back to bed giggling. It's a normal thing for guys.

I have to add though, I found porn on my former fiance's computer and it was totally out of character for him, at least compared to the person he wanted me to think he was. I started doing some digging and found out he was meeting girls on dating sites, sending porn pics of himself to other women and going on dates while pretending to go to work (I paged numbers I found on his shredded cell phone bill). It all started (me realizing who I was engaged to) with me finding porn on his computer by mistake. I moved out completely while he was at work, he never knew what hit him.

Answer 7

it is normal. im a girl and i have a porn subscription. him looking at it takes nothing away from your relationship.

Answer 8

He may be hiding it because he is embarassed. He also may be hiding other things from you. Be aware that if you are finding porno on a computer, there may be other secrets. Good luck and keep your eyes open.

Answer 9

if you guys have a really open relationship, then maybe he just wants something thats just his. and he's probably embarassed about it too. so it's ok, and if you want to just say to him nicely what you just said here!!!!
merry christmas, good luck, hun.

Answer 10

Men are visual creatures. He is normal. Just tell him that you'd like to be involved the next time.