I've been overewieght since i met my husband. But we fell in love n married. But he doesn't find me sexy. I bought sexy underwear for our wedding night and week..which he didnt even notice! He never kisses my body..and tries not to even touch me when im naked. I have huge boobs..and he wouldn't go near them either.When I asked him about all this, he said he didn't like bib boobs! He likes little pert ones.After this he reassured me loved me and tried to give my boobs more attention! Then I catch him on the net looking at porn...skinny girls....and teenagers! As if I dont feel ugly enough. Before I met him, I felt sexy n gorgeous. Now i feel that Im an ugly wife. I dont act on my sexual urges because i think inside me will just be laughing at my ugly body...or be feeling disgusted with me. I dont know what to do..or how to feel. Iv told him all this, but i got no empathy.At times i love him....but inside i am so hurt and angry that he's killed the sexy woman inside of me. Any advice?
2007-12-23 22:09:07 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sweet lady! Ask yourself *and be honest*...would you love him no matter what his weight? ...is he some sort of greek god that deserves perfection?
Do not let him be in charge of the sexy woman inside of you! That is YOUR area. YOU be as SEXY as you want! FEEL as great about yourself as humanly possible!! DO NOT attach your self-worth to HIS opinion!
If you do not find yourself attractive, then start changing the things you don't like for you and your satisfaction...not him and his! Color your hair, get your nails done, buy some neat shoes...small things...yes..but when you are unhappy with yourself, even a small investment makes you feel better!
If he goes tomorrow...you will still be looking at you in the mirror. Find the things about yourself that make you happy and keep them! Find the things about yourself you would like to change...and change them sweetie!! But not for him! For YOU!
I know a little about being ignored in the bedroom and as a wife. Hon...it happens to women of all sizes and shapes and ages and backgrounds. It is not necessarily anything you have done. Talk to someone you feel comfortable with like a minister, therapist, etc. If there is fault on anyone's part....(blaming never solves)....maybe you can find some help in getting things back the way they should be.
You are beautiful. No matter what.
2007-12-23 22:46:10 · answer #1 · answered by SG68 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your own husband should never make you feel this way! If I didn't know any better, I'd tell you to listen to energeticthinker all the way. I do agree with what he's saying, but at the same time, a marriage is all about compromise.
If you don't have kids and your relationship isn't that solid anyway, start looking for men who DO appreciate the way you look. There are lots of men who love REAL women - curvy, big breasts.. like you. However, looks aren't everything. I'm sure you guys have a connection that's hard to find elsewhere too. You need to remind your husband of that. If he's that shallow, there are other real, better men out there who'll love you just the way you are.
As for your self confidence...I strongly suggest you start working out. I used to have such low self esteem too since I was overweight, and I was afraid of my bf seeing me naked. I started working out and lost a lot of it. You'll love the way you look, and even more, so will your husband. The best thing to do is take care of yourself! You're so lucky to have big boobs.. it means if you lose a lot of weight, you'll still be the same curvy sexy woman, but with more confidence, a lot healthier, and more irresistable to your husband.
Some tips for you to lose weight:
Drink 8 cups of water a day. Studies have shown that your metabolism is 30% faster if you eat 30 minutes after drinking 17 oz of water.
Keep yourself busy all day: take up hobbies like gardening, shopping, tennis, etc - on average, people who are busy rather than couch potatoes burn 350 -450 more calories more per day, even without exercising.
Find a type of exercise you like - mine is the elliptical. It's easier than running, great cardio exercise, and reading a great book or watching a TV show kills time so quickly that I do 4.5 miles a day and it doesn't really feel like it (that's 500 calories!).
Best of luck to you! If all else fails, tell your husband to shove it cuz he kind of sounds like an #*$hole. SOrry haha
Happy holidays!
2007-12-23 22:19:12 · answer #2 · answered by :+:cobra:+: 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He is an insensitive jerk & needs to straighten up his act with you! Why did he marry you? Can you remember back when you first married any of the nice things he would say to you? I, too, have had a sort of similar experience this past summer = the only difference is that I am in great shape (I lost 35 pounds doing taekwondo in 7 months) & have always been told I'm good-looking. But when I found out he was chasing after a girl 20 years younger than we are, I felt like some kind of ugly stick person. I mean, this girl was the total opposite of me: plump, long striped hair (I have very short hair) plus alot younger. It was & still is amazing how quickly my self-esteem took a nose-dive after realizing that he wanted someone else! The only thing that saved my marriage was that the girl found out he was married & dumped him. He has assured me that nothing ever actually happened between them. Hmmm...sure. But, he has been very contrite ever since & makes an effort to compliment me alot. Slowly, I've started to feel better about myself - I have forgiven him - & in a way, the whole mess was a wake-up call for both of us: we needed to change our relationship in a positive way.
Short of losing weight, which would of course be the best thing for you to do, you should concentrate on all your best features: & that includes the non-physical things, too. Such as your personality, any special talents or skills...develop yourself, & then let him see what a special person he's so lucky to have!
2007-12-25 03:15:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teenagers??????? This man has a problem and it's not you being overweight sweetie.....If this wasn't a problem when you got married, sounds like he's been looking at too much porn.....Sexy is sexy no matter what size we are....and if he doesn't want you, you can rest assured that there are plenty of REAL men that will........don't let him take that sexy feeling away from you...like someone said before, unless he's walking around looking like Brad Pitt, he isn't the end all. Good luck
2007-12-23 23:38:06 · answer #4 · answered by justlilme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. Boy have I been through this in the past so I kinda know how you feel.
I cant comment on your relationship but in mine when I felt the way you describe I felt so insecure and lost all my self esteem. The more he pushed away the harder I tried to hang on pushing him further away.
In the end as hard as it was I just had to except what I knew all along. That was that he wasnt attracted to me. You see I believe that actions speak louder than words. He told me he loved me but couldnt physically show it.
I eventually got the courage to leave. Im sure he was very relieved but I was utterly heart broken. I didnt think that I would ever get my self esteem back but in time it did, as will yours.
I wish you luck
2007-12-23 22:38:38 · answer #5 · answered by spanneroi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I tried for 6 years to feel like a woman with my ex after he told me during a fight that I was fat and made him sick. I never could even when he tried to be nice I suspected him of laughing to himself or even worse telling his buddies about our sex life. I tried everyhting diets that he would sabatoge by saying oh just tonite go off the diet so we can go out and then I would and he would say something cruel again. I got so depressed I ate more. I lost my friends cause I was so depressed and he didnt like them. He got meaner and even his family started to say mean things so I knew he talked to them. Finally I left him , lost 104 lbs and am me again. I am fun and people enjoy being around me. I am active and take pride in my appearance. I was so sad all the time and now I am not, I had to learn that even if I loved him he did not love me and would never as I did not fit the mold of what he thought a woman should look like I do not know to this day why he choose me in the first place but I think it was because he knew I was lonely and could abuse me mentally it was almost like he looked for someone like me to be cruel to so he would look better and think he was cool. His friends tell me now how great I look and that he was lucky to have me but I wll never go back to feeling like I was worth nothing.
2007-12-23 22:22:44 · answer #6 · answered by asia dawn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dump the piece of sh*t and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are. There should be no recovery from that comment. There are plenty of fish in the sea that would kill for a woman like you.
If you really want to pi$$ him off, start shedding pounds if you can. Drop a few sizes and start changing you looks. Once he realizes the changes, shove it back in his face and deny him sex. Just losing a few pounds will boost your self extrem to new levels.
Have a Merry Christmas
2007-12-24 02:42:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I find that porn kinda changes a guy.
Stay the sexy lady that you are. Maybe look at a porn tape with him! If you think you are not sexy then he wont think so either.
If the porn teenager thing doesnt stop then you have a very very different problem. I think that is the underlying reason. He is beginning to get into young girls and that will lead to bigger issues.
you need to get him to see what he is doing with the young girls and get him to stop or you will need to leave him.
2007-12-24 01:25:45 · answer #8 · answered by sammy3256 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your husband does find you attractive, he married you didn't he? He fell in love with every part of you, from the inside out. Its not that he don't notice, men are just this way, they have been since the beginning of time. Guess what, I have BIG breast also, I love them, We have what alot of women want to buy..You and I are blessed to have a figure, alot of women don't and to tell you the truth, most men aren't attracted to skin and bones and small breasted women. . .You are still sexy and gorgeoous. . .Try to work on your self esteem, it will help your relationship with him. . .If he don't stop the porn watching, go on there yourself and tell him if he can do it, so can you. . .You have a wonderful man that loves you, he married you, honey and no one else. You said he killed the sexy woman inside you, you let him do it, no one can do anything unless you let them...Show him, you are a diva, and if he don't notice, I am positive someone will. Oh, and Merry Christmas to you and yours. . .
2007-12-24 00:07:13 · answer #9 · answered by lucylocket7258 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Fuzzy, my dear, you got a big problem, that i can say. If this one did not solve/discuss in years, i dont know dearest Fuzzy what to say.. I would even try to ignore the fact, or.. see if this is really in his mind-you not being sexy, or, ..ugly; if thats what hes got in his mind, i wish you guys good luck! A! You've already leaned how to live your life with him like this, with this thought in your mind at all times - NO GOOD!
2007-12-23 22:20:35 · answer #10 · answered by Jagg M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋