My Boyfriend and I have been together for three years and have known one another since we were 12 years old. Well We were engaged which I called it off cause he cheated, thinking he would stop the games I stayed with him. We have been through everything with each other. Well I had a guy friend whom happened to be black and since my boyfriend was ignoring me and pushing me away i started building a stronger friendship with one of my guy friends. Well one night I had told him I couldnt talk to him anymore because of my then fiance, he started telling me how he felt and to be honest I loved him as a friend but nothing more. Well the boyfriend went through my phone when I forgot it and found out bout me telling my guy friend I cared for him. Well he went nuts, he threw it in my face that he was going to ask me to marry him again tonight at 12:01. I have broke down and I dont know what to do. I love him and care for him, but not sure if its worth fighting for. I'd like some advice please.
2007-12-23 18:59:28 · 15 answers · asked by mandi88_bailey05_ray 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Constructive criticism please. What can I do to make things better? Can I change what he;s really thinking I meant? I dunno I just know I love him, he loves me, but need some help on how to handle this.
2007-12-23 19:01:32 · update #1
My boyfriend has a racial issue not sure where it comes from, but I think its cause he is protective ever since something happened to from a black guy two years
2007-12-23 19:10:05 · update #2
I've gone through similar situations with my girlfriend. We argue sometimes, but the reason for arguing is because we try to protect each other. Coming from a guys point of view, he doesn't want anyone else to take his spot. He wouldn't make a mountain out of a mole-hill if he didn't really care about you. Talk to him and explain everything in full detail. There is a lot of power in truth. Everything happens for a reason hun!
2007-12-23 19:08:58 · answer #1 · answered by JacobM_1988 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well if he cheated before and now he is still jealous I think you need to work on trusting each other before you think about getting married. Just take your time. Your boyfriend should understand that you need friends even if they are guys. If you honestly have no romantic feelings toward the friend he has nothing to be jealous of besides the fact that he is the one that cheated not you. Maybe this guy needs to grow up a little bit before asking someone to marry him. Sounds like he just wants to make you feel guilty about talking to the other guy. If he did intend on asking you again he wouldn't have thrown it in your face he would have just been hurt. He sounds pretty immature to me but I don't know how old you guys are either.
You said you love each other but that doesn't mean you have to get married right now. I would just take it slow and see what happens. I'm not really sure what you need advice about though. Staying with him or what? I don't feel like this one scenario is enough for me to give you advice.
2007-12-23 19:12:36 · answer #2 · answered by ginger 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though you have fought and fought for him but he cheated anyway. That could be in the back of his mind when he found out that you cared for this other friend. For advice on how to handle that. Stop talking about it with him for a couple of days. Then if he says anything about having other friends or if you are watching a movie about that (you could even rent one and when the scene comes up about people just having friends of the opposite sex talk about it with him. That may help him to see that it is possible to have friends like that.
I have a male friend that I love. But only as a friend. If my husband heard me say that he may become very jealous. But there would be nothing I could do about it and I know that I am doing nothing wrong.
As far as your BF throwing it in your face that he was going to ask you to marry him at a certain time that is just silly.
I do not feel as if he is ready to marry. If he were he would have been making plans for you all to marry, a home, a good job(which he may have) etc....
Since he cheated and you know he cheated I would be seriously reconsidering a long term relationship with him. I do not want to be with anyone that feels like they can go off and then come back when it suits them. I do not want anyone that has taken something so special between us and giving it to someone else and then act the way your BF is acting.
Perhaps it would be good for you to finish school (if you haven't already) Get a good job for yourself, an apartment for yourself and then see how you stand with getting married.
If you are having such problems now they will not go away once you are married. They will only get worse.
2007-12-23 19:39:45 · answer #3 · answered by bssd12000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is the thing, if he cared about you, eventually he would calm down long enough to let you explain to him what that conversation was all about with you and your friend, but now he has you right where he wants you. He made you feel bad for something that is completely innocent and now you feel like everything is all your fault.
If this guy isn't even willing to listen to your side (which can be hard because he had proof to prove what he thinks), then he may not be the one for you. I had an incident where my then boyfriend found a note he thought I had wrote recently and he was really upset, but he gave me a chance to explain myself and chose to believe me because he loved and trusted me.
Let him cool off and and then try talking to him. If that doesn't work, write him a letter.
2007-12-23 19:20:35 · answer #4 · answered by Truth Hurts 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love is not a feeling. Love is an action. How does he show you that he loves you? If he's showing signs of violence now, expect it to get worse. Why? Because you've allowed it. People treat us the way we allow them to treat us. If you're letting him get away with these little bouts of violent behavior you're inviting more of the same or worse if you marry him. You can always begin life with someone else and build a long relationship with time. This guy cheated. That means he's thinking of number one. He'll do it again because he puts his selfish desires before his relationship with you. Your feelings didn't matter while he was making love to another. Love is an action. He should've loved you enough to turn away, but he didn't. I hope you wake up.
2007-12-23 19:21:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Drama is always a good sign that the relationship is heading into dysfunction.
You seem to have a grasp on your situation but don't see the obvious response necessary. So here it goes.
You are not going to make him do or think anything. The best way to find yourself in a good relationship is to work on yourself and give yourself a fighting chance by choosing a new relationship.
This may be hard at first but investing in yourself is never a loosing cause.
2007-12-23 19:19:44 · answer #6 · answered by noyoungun 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your boyfriend wasn't treating you very well BEFORE this other guy came along.. if he was, you'd never have looked at this black guy twice....
My advice? DO NOT stay with some DUMB GUY who HURTS YOU!!! Why live in misery when you can be happy without him around?
Just because we love someone or care, doesn't always mean they are "mr right"... so say so long, to MR. WRONG!
2007-12-23 20:39:30 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If You Love HIm enough to want to Marry Him, then Marry Him. BUT... Keep in mind that if ya'll have children doen the road he WIll Raise them to be "prejudice". If HE cannot Trust what you told him about your "friendship" w/ this other guy, then you shouldn't be with Him or Anyone who doesn't trust you. Those behaviors are called "Red Flags". Ultimately it IS Up to YOU. Be Wise !! Think w/ your head and not just your heart.
Good Luck !!!!
2007-12-23 20:59:22 · answer #8 · answered by casper 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st. you can't trust him, he cheated on you.
2nd. he doesn't trust you, he went through your phone.
3rd. he lied when he said,'' he was going to ask you to marry him. At 12:01. PLEASE!!!
4th. you'll hear for the rest of your life from him, what a N lover you are.
5th. He's weak. What person, hold a grudge on a WHOLE race of people, just because of 1 person. He probable was being a racist to the black person to cause hurt upon himself.
6th. If you called off the engagement, then why are you jumping at the chance to marry a cheating, aggressive, racist?
2007-12-23 19:36:24 · answer #9 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
honestly, it doesn't seem like he loves that much. he threw a phone at you, and he cheated. you can't change him. i think you just feel attached to him because you've known him since you were 12. think about if you really wanna or if you can spend your life with him. good luck.(:
and what does your guy friend being black have to do with anything?o.o
2007-12-23 19:07:40 · answer #10 · answered by Babo ^ 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋