Possible to save relationship after abuse?

Question

My boyfriend has suffered some severe emotional abuse from me, at first things were great but then after about a year of us being together I started having extreme mental health and emotional issues like rage and depression and I'm so messed up on the inside, and because of me my guy has be drug down low. (I'm not making an excuse, I'm just explaining how I am). There have been some messed up things that have happened in the past. Things aren't even half as bad right now as they were like a year ago, and I know he's an adult and he chose to stay but I but now he is so messed up because of me and I just never owned up to getting myself to change until these past couple of months. I don't deserve him, I hurt him so much. I just want to know if it's possible to save a relationship after so much damage, because we both love eachother very much, he's so messed up about it beacuse he wants to be with me but not how it is while I'm in this messed up state hurting him all the time

We aren't together right now, we have been not really together for a while now but it's been a back and forth kind of thing and because both of us now are emotionally unstable it seems there's always some kind of a fight, whether because of my insecurity. We know we shouldn't be together now and we aren't but is it possible to even save after having experienced such things.

the time during this has happened he stayed with me because it wasn't like me because it was like I was I was someone else , I think I possibly have a disorder like borderline disorder but i'm not sure, I need to go to a doctor. I'm hopeful maybe because it was like I was some other person and not being malicious on purpose or something maybe we have hope to move on if we both go seperate ways and reconnect after healing? :'(

I'm sorry some of my writing is gibberish, I'm crying right now.

Dina K, did you not read what I wrote? I said we are not and have not been together in a typical relationship, and have not been for a while, and I wanted to know if it was possible to eventually save it AFTER the fact of us both healing. And other things you have said show me you haven't truly read what I wrote. You really ought to read things before you respond.

*oops I meant, we have been together yes, but not together in a typical way in a while

Answer 1

The question here is not how to save the relationship but save yourself from yourself. You have got to want to help yourself before you can try and salvage what ever is left of the relationship. Sounds to me you have a type of Bi polar disorder. There is nothing wrong with having bi polar. there are millions of people that have it and don't seek help but wonder why their life is in ruins or not going the way they wish. Also wondering why they are doing the things they are doing. Depression, mood swings, physical outbursts, verbal outbursts, and it seems for no reason at all. Seek help with a Psychiatric care consultant. They can do the one thing that you want most and that is to understand yourself and put you on the path of feeling better about being you! Then and only then will you be able to have a healthy relationship, you won't hurt him and evidently he loves you very much but don't know what to do to help you. Your not alone and neither is he. He must seek counceling too to help him understand the reason why he feels the way he does and feel better about himself which in turn will help you. Its weird how it all works and I wish you the best of luck because it is a hard road but you've made the hardest and biggest step and that is too admit you have a problem. Seek help and you will be rewarded with, with all hope the relationship you wish to fix.

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RE:
Possible to save relationship after abuse?
My boyfriend has suffered some severe emotional abuse from me, at first things were great but then after about a year of us being together I started having extreme mental health and emotional issues like rage and depression and I'm so messed up on the inside, and because of me my guy has be...

Answer 5

First of all, you are blaming your abusiveness on emotional problems and stating you couldn't control it. Unfortunately, emotional abusers know EXACTLY what they are doing when they are being emotionally abusive.

You can't begin to fix your "problem" if you can't even own up to the fact that you had control over the abuse and that you were purposely abusive. It wasn't a monster inside that made you do it - you conciously did it and voluntarily did it.

If you aren't 100% cured of this emotional abuse "issue", then why would you want to be in a relationship with him. If you truly loved him - then you would stay away from him until you were 100% cured.

How do you get cured - you get help from a psychotherapist who specializes in curing those who are abusive. Not some doctor who gives you meds for bipolar or borderline, etc...

People who are abusive are missing an important part of themselves - they don't love or respect themselves. They are fearful and controlling. You have tons of issues you have to deal with for 2-3 years before you should even CONSIDER being in a relationship with anyone.

The fact that you would want to be in a relationship with ANYONE KNOWING that you are abusive is disgusting and shows me that you definitely are still an "abuser". Wanting to be in a relationship knowing you are an "abuser" is in and of itself a CLEAR SIGN that you are still being selfish and self-centered - and that you are very much still an abusive person.

Answer 6

An emotional distraught relationship is usually the worst! My brother just left out of one recently and they only been together for a few months before he let it escalate to physical abuse. What I think you should do is focus on yourself. I'm sure he will be there for you if you need a friend but what you must prove to yourself is that you can make it if you try. A relationship starts within you and teaches the person you are with to cater to it. Teach yourself how to love from within so it can flow out to the one you choose. Let your past be your bottom step and move on up! Keep ya head up girl!

Answer 7

The relationship probably could be saved IF you are both willing to work as hard as you can to work things out. But you need to get yourself some help to make sure that you will not continue to abuse him. Get yourself healed and happy and then see where things go from there. Good luck to you both!

Answer 8

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/MkzKq

Answer 9

One of the most common questions spouses ask when confronting a marriage crisis is this: How can I save my marriage if my partner doesn't want to help find a solution? How do I succeed I am trying to save my marriage on my own? Learn here https://tr.im/savethemarriage

It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains 'in love', the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage' alone.

Answer 10

The long questions,coming in parts and containing many repetitions show t hat you are still in the doldrums;though slowly you are moving in the right direction. Hold on fast. You are really lucky for such a guy. Do not even dream of leaving him. Go back to him. May be you may even then upset the applecart Never mind. go back to him.

He is waiting there for you like the Lighthouse on the deep sea.