Can this relationship be fixed?

Question

He's unemployed and no one will hire him because he's 'overqualified' (went to college and can't find a job in his field)
She's a homemaker but she's getting a job down the street to make ends meet.
They have a child together, but they rarely talk to each other. They usually ignore each other and go about their day doing various things, taking care of the child separately.
He runs to his parent's house across the street every other day to cry about how terrible she is.
She feels angry half the time because he's always depressed or complaining about something.
He refuses to go to couples therapy or take antidepressants.
He ignores her when she tries to argue out their problems, threatens to cut off his family then blames it on her, saying that she's trying to keep him from his family.
He drinks and refuses to quit no matter what she does and becomes whiny and irritable from the alcohol.

Is there any way this relationship can be put back together? The flames have died.

She is fixed so she can't have anymore children. He also didn't show these characteristics until long after the baby was born. It wasn't like they met and started having sex, they were together for a long time before their child was born.

After their child was born everything started going awry. She's just started working to bring home money, but he's waiting to start his job in mid-January.

Answer 1

They have alot on their plate. I think if they genuinely care for each other and child they can make it< But they both have to want to be a family. MOney plays a very important role in a couples life. No one can pay their bills on love. THey both need a job even if it is not in in "Field" of study that's just an excuse. They need a neutral party to interven and deal with them as a couple and individually..NOTHING IS HOPELESS

Answer 2

I think that this relationship,a long with many others deserves a second chance... but I do not think it is worth it. The people in this relationship do not love each other (or so it seems). They should ask each other why they are together and why they say together. If they do not find a reasonable answer, then I would call it quits. Also, just from experience, it is usually better (as parents) to separate when the kids are not yet aware so it becomes less painful and stressful for the child. If these problems have been going on for a bit and it seems that there is no end, then there is little hope. But if the couple really tries and puts a lot into mending it, I think it could be put together - it just takes a lot of work, but more of love.

Answer 3

read the bible together, or read it by yourself and see how Jesus would like us to respond or live in that situation. Arguing out the problem is the wrong way to do this and it is his alcohol problem. I mean as long as there is no physical violence then why leave. You can fall back into love it's sounds difficult and is but it's worth it. Maybe she should go back to college to get a degree and work full or part time to get ahead as well. If you end up on assistance for a while just to get where you can have a great job then there is no shame in that. Sense he's not working he can stay home to watch the child. There is no such thing as over Qualified, maybe if he is going to apply at Mcdonalds or something. and if it turns out he is then tell him to reach a little higher. Or just tell him to underplay a bit to get whatever job that is in the field he went to school for, so he doesn't look over qualified. Yes life is stressful, my marriage is too it's bad sometimes real bad but I love my husband and I know he loves me and marriage is a sacride thing that no one shall ever tear apart. If you really can't take this look for God hun, He will be there and pick you up when no one else will, he will get you through. Set your worries on his shoulders let him take care of them. Chances are if you do so he will take care of them. Have faith in God thats all you need.


Good luck hun if he won't go, take you and your child to church and attend classes at church as well, suround yourself with positivity.

Answer 4

I am all for trying to attempt to fix a relationship by talking through the problems or some type of counseling (either individual, martial, or sexual). Still, there are some relationships that I advise to leave. Any type of abuse escalates, placing the spouse being abuse's life in immediate danger. Abuse happens in cycles with each type of abuse being worse than the previous. Serial cheating. While I know a couple where there husband cheated once, there are circumstances where a husband (or wife) cheats repeatedly. These types of cheaters won't learn or, typically feel remorse, because they are having their cake and eating it too. Overall, it would depend on how deeply the pain that was inflicted on the spouses.

Answer 5

They aren't really a couple. He is just a sperm donor. I guess they should have considered the outcome before they had sex. This sounds like a very unworkable situation. He doesn't have a career and she is a homemaker. How is it possible for a woman to be a homemaker with no husband and no income? There is no hope. He is selfish and immature. She should have known his true temperment before she hopped into bed with him. Now there is the problem of the child. This relationship can't be put back together. There never was a real relationship in the first place.

Answer 6

It sounds like he is not equally as anxious to improve the relationship...although this may be because of his illness with alcohol. Alcoholism is a terrible disease and can take over and destroy lives. All she can do is encourage him to seek improvements in the relationship and if he ignorant to the importance, than I think she must move on in her life. What is holding her back? It sounds like the answer is very clear. Sometimes the only thing to bring a relationship back is by letting go of it-personal experience! Today we are happier than we have ever been. Ironically, it was alcohol which was the primary problem.

Answer 7

That's a tough one, especially with substance abuse issues. The way you describe this situation, it sounds like the bias is that the man is the one who is causing all the problems. Even though he sounds like a handful, the woman needs to look at herself as well and see what she is contributing to the problems. If counseling is out of the question, she may be able to induce change in the relationship by working on herself. I'm not saying one or the other is all right or all wrong, but since we can't really actively change another person, she can try to improve things on her end. If that fails, at least she will know she tried. Good luck to them.

Answer 8

This is bs. "He's unemployed and no one will hire him because he's 'overqualified' (went to college and can't find a job in his field)".

If he wants to be a man then he should support his family. He is unemployed because he chooses to be unemployed. I am sure there is work somewhere. Too bad if it's not on his field.

"He refuses to go to couples therapy or take antidepressants."

I don't believe in better living through chemistry or inviting a third party into a couples problems.

He obviously is insecure in his own masculinity. Leave, go before there is another child in the mix.

Answer 9

Why in the world would a woman stay with a loser like this? Everyone can find a job if they want one...she certainly did...why didn't he? IF this is NOT you talking about you, then butt out...there is no hope here, nor should there be. She needs to quit while she is ahead....he is dragging her down into a sea of trying to control her...she shouldn't walk away, she should run like hell! Merry Christmas, Goldwing

Answer 10

sorry, i can not say .it takes giving on both of your parts.meeting half way. it is a lot better to work things like these out with out the drinking. but only you can say ,were the stopping point will be. it is not helping the child!! flames can come back but this is more than just that

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