I love him & i trust him & i feel lucky to be his gf. but i am so scared that if we get married he will cheat & we will get divorced. what if its later on in life like 25 yrs later & he leaves me for someone younger? i dont like kids & i think thats part of the reason. i keep thinking 'shes cute now but 20 years from now the little slut will be trying to steal ur husband.' i know it stems from my insecurities & i need to fix that quick before it starts having an impact on my relationship. but this is a deep set fear (divorce/infidelity) & i dont know how to handle it. every time one thing gets proved wrong i think of something else. i dont want to attract this from focusing on it so much but i cant seem to stop. my parents are divorced b/c my dad left my mom 4 someone else & hes now married to her. i love both my parents but i still resent him 4 that & i am scared b/c i dont want to end up like my mom even tho i look up to her.
plz help what should i do?
2007-12-23 16:10:28 · 7 answers · asked by Angelisurifrie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think people often forget that trust is one of the most important qualities ina relationship. If you cannot trust him, it is either because he is untrustworthy or your intuitions and paranoia are wrong. If he is untrustworthy you should not marry him. If it is your intuitions and paranoia that are wrong, they will eventually drive him away. Your only hope now is for counseling to help you both figure out the root cause of the problem to see if it can be addressed.
One word to the wise - I am a divorced father of two teenage girls and I was married for 18 years. We finally broke up because she could never trust me. I never cheated on her, but she was always jealous of the time I spent with other people. If they were female, she would say I was cheating with them. If they were male, she ended up hating them. She even started hating a kid I was mentoring. I was determined to see the marriage out until the kids graduated from high school, but she ended up filing for divorce. All those years of unresolved fights have come out now as a bitter custody battle and now all of our lives are ruined. This was all because her insecurities did not allow me to breathe in the relationship.
Moral of the story - if you cannot trust him, one way or the other your relationship is doomed. Do yourself a favor and be honest with yourself. If the problem is really you, get help. If the problem is really him, get someone else.
2007-12-23 17:13:01 · answer #1 · answered by Nappy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right... your fear of divorce will manifest itself to a point where it will happen for you.
I'm a little surprised you don't have this fear with him as your boyfriend. There's little difference.
But if you admit that you have the insecurity, you're halfway there. Now you just need help... books, counselors, pastors, "successful" married people, therapy (if you can afford it) can all help. Just take what you like from all of them and work your way to having trust in others.
Marriage is based on trust and honesty. If you don't have these, you should never ever get married.
Good luck.
2007-12-24 00:19:15 · answer #2 · answered by Vitiran 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot live your life in fear. There are no guarantees in life. He can leave you and cheat on you if you are married or not. You cannot let what might happen ruin everyday of your life. You will miss so much and it will be over before you know it. If you cannot get over this I think that you should talk to someone ( a professional) to help you sort this all out. Your boyfriend is not your father. As for stealing your man, he cannot be stolen unless he wants to be.
2007-12-24 01:08:32 · answer #3 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until you are ready for marriage. But you can't base your life on your parents life.
2007-12-24 00:17:20 · answer #4 · answered by springful 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are taking this thing way too far. Seek counseling now.
2007-12-24 00:22:44 · answer #5 · answered by Kim 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe counseling.
If he ever does propose someday then you can get
pre marial counseling.
2007-12-24 00:17:24 · answer #6 · answered by georgia_peach 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't win if you don't gamble.
Most people don't regret what they did. They regret what they did not do. You can't let other peoples experiences dictate your life.
2007-12-24 00:17:09 · answer #7 · answered by Moe A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋