My friend of 40 years severed our friendship in a Christmas card, we live in different states and were casually writing, well her letter was quite nasty saying what an awful friend I was and it hurt my feelings, but I did not respond, although I wanted to say something mean and nasty, I just ignored it. Now that it is Christmas again, the hurt feelings are back and I want to send her a nasty note. I guess i'm venting, but what do you think I should do? Just forget her forever? I know I should be over it and honestly I haven't thought about it for months.
2007-12-23 13:50:14 · 23 answers · asked by snowwillow20 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I won't send her a nasty note. She has been in counceling for years and has been unhappy. I am not sympathetic enough.
2007-12-23 14:24:44 · update #1
I won't send her a nasty note. She has been in counceling for years and has been unhappy. I am not sympathetic enough.
Thanks pilgrim you gave me a lot to think about.
2007-12-23 14:25:27 · update #2
Do you know what's going on in her life? Are you sure she sent it to the right person last year? Do you think friends are more valuable than a card or phone call, especially after 40 years! Did you do something, even by accident that you need to apologize for? How will you know if you don't try to contact her. Holding a grudge is childish and makes me wonder just exactly what kind of a friend you really are. One more thing, I don't believe for a second that you haven't thought about it for months. A little introspection and a phone call might be a good start. peace
2007-12-23 13:56:17 · answer #1 · answered by Pilgrim Traveler 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
40 years is nothing to sneeze at and it's certainly nothing that anyone can just "let go," or "get over it," or "move one." I would be insensitive to say anything other than how sorry I am and that you are grieving a long-term relationship that obviouly meant something. Conversely, it also hurts our pride and ego when someone thinks so little of a friendship to blow it off in such a way - a Christmas card!
Why in the world do people feel it necessary to formally end something? If your friendship didn't work for her, then she needed to simply taper off the communique, not send a sophmoric note breaking up, gheese!
Rejection always hurts, always. And some people take a little longer than others (I'm one who takes longer) to process the relationship, and see what I was supposed to learn from it, and then to move away from thinking about that person or being tempted to contact them.
Was the relationship fulfulling, mutually satisfying, uplifting, encouraging, equal? If not, she did you a favor, though it may not feel like it yet. Give yourself time. The definition of a resentment is to re-feel the offense over and again. Find a way to see your part in the decline of the relationship, and if there is one, see it for what it is. Realize you weren't simply dumped. Everything has a season, and yours is over -- for now. Long distance relationships are much like emails, hard to know what people really mean and think without face time.
Take care, and nurse the resentment for a while longer, but the trick will be to not stay resentful for too long.
2007-12-23 15:30:07 · answer #2 · answered by LOVEISTHEANSWER 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't expect you to be over it. It was just a year ago, after all, and your friendship lasted for a LONG time, so it will take a long time to truly accept it's gone.
Would you truly feel better about everything if you wrote her a nasty Christmas card? Or do you just want to feel the gratification of "getting back"?
I really do wonder what was so bad about your friendship that 40 years was worth throwing out. If your friendship was apparently so bad, (from her perspective), why did you two stay friends for so long?
It just seems odd to me that it would end so suddenly. I would think that after that many years, you two could talk it out. If she felt you were an awful friend, maybe you should consider why she felt that way. The manner in which she put it may have been immature or unnecessary, but she may have been letting out bottled emotions of hurt you unknowingly or unintentionally caused her.
I don't think you should write a nasty letter back. I think you should try to understand why she felt the need to end the friendship and why she won't allow you to rectify whatever it is you did wrong. She was a worthy friend, wasn't she? Maybe she just needs to realize what a worthy friend you are for her.
2007-12-23 13:59:14 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No examples given of being an awful friend? Your hurt feelings are back? well that is very understandable. You could forget her, that's one option but you don't really sound like you like that idea.40 years is a lot to give up.You may want to try sending a card explaining that you are reluctant to throw away a friendship that truly has meant a lot to you and(if you don't know) that you don't know what you've done and ask if there is any way that you can make this right for her again. Many things can cause something like this to happen.Give it your best effort and then give it up.
2007-12-23 14:02:47 · answer #4 · answered by for the times 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You might have fun. Do you want to see people from high school? Are you curious about them? I went to my 5 and 10 year reunions. I met up with some friends. I had so much fun at the 5 but it was ok at the 10. A lot of friends didn't make it to the 10. We just had the 15 and I didn't make it but I heard not many people did because the planning was so bad. The people primarily responsible apparently have giant egos because a few of us volunteered to help and they didn't take us on it. They screwed it up. A lot of people were upset with the 15 and the very short notice. A lot of people have to fly. 2 weeks is not enough notice. Go with your gut. If you think you'll regret if you don't go then go. If you don't think you'll care then maybe don't go.
2016-05-26 02:03:11 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A couple of years ago I ended a friendship of about 35 years. Not in a Christmas card though. I had a so-called friend whom I always put up with a lot of things. But like I said a couple of years ago she said something to me that just set it off. She talked to me like I was beneath her and I had always been the stronger one, ignoring her behavior because that's what I thought friends do, overlook imperfections. Maybe you said or wrote something that offended her in the first place?
2007-12-23 14:10:52 · answer #6 · answered by c 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know you you've been hurt and you really want to retaliate, and get her back. But that is not the way to defeat her. If you be nice to her, it will put a lot of thoughts in her mind concerning you, afterall, she said a lot of nasty things about you and probably looked for you to go off. Therefore, I would put her in the hot spot, and that is, in the position to FOREVER WONDER WHERE YOU ARE. Not where you are physically, but where your thoughts and heart is after all she has said and done. Be nice and be free!!!!!
2007-12-23 13:56:17 · answer #7 · answered by notablewoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't send her a nasty note, you'd be stooping to her level. If you feel that you may have been a nasty friend to her, learn from her letter and try to become a better person. Prove that to her by not retaliating.
2007-12-23 13:55:26 · answer #8 · answered by I'm with Stupid. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and write out all the things you want to tell her .Put it all down .All the hurt every thing Your anger ,frustration the lot . Put it away for a day or so Add to it if you think of some thing else Then when it is all out and on paper Burn it and send it out to the universe and let it go
Good luck
2007-12-23 14:01:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Send a clear message that you have not changed your side of the friendship just because he/she decided to act badly.
Send a great Christmas card that includes and old picture of the both of you during the good times.
2007-12-23 14:03:05 · answer #10 · answered by noyoungun 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋