do i have a right to be upset?

Question

me and hubby agreed we would cook christmas eve dinner together...my mother in law came over earlier to drop of presents... and she asked if we wanted her to cook for us and i said no ... i went to the store to get some drinks and snacks..and when i came back she was cooking our meals ! i asked hubby what was going on and he said that when i left to go to the shops..she got upset and started saying that i hate her cooking thats why i didnt want her cooking and so on..and hubby felt sorry for her and told her she could do it.

i got upset at both of them ... and my hubby is saying im over reacting.

she isnt even having dinner with us..its just going to be me hubby and our son..and we're going to her house like 2 days after because she's wanted to spend it with her friends instead.

dont say it took the stress of me cooking..because i was looking forward to doing it..this would of been my first christmas eve dinner i would have cooked at our new house.
what do you think?

christmas eve is tonight actually KK ..im from australia

Answer 1

oh hell NO!!!....who is hubby going to bed with at night??? you or his mother? you are not over reacting. in fact i think you are under reacting. when my ex did this to me....OoOo i was too pissed to even talk. YOUR feelings are more important then hers!! don't you let her get away with that one. i don't give a rat's azz if she cooked as good as rachel rey...she has no business being in your kitchen when you are the main one in there (going to the store, is still in the kitchen). you and the husband had an agreement. she wasn't in on it, nor is it any of her business why the agreement was made. the day your husband married you is the day he agreed to work with you as a couple. (tell me where in the marriage vows, it says unless my mother's feelings get hurt!!)

i love cooking. i would take offense if my dead grandmother came to cook me dinner when i already said i was making it. STAY OUT OF ANOTHER WOMAN'S KITCHEN!!

Answer 2

I know somebody just like her, a grown woman that manipulates and whines until someone feels sorry for her and she gets her way that; I think that is just terrible. I would be mad too but I wouldn't go crazy over it (not to say that you did) but I don't think you are overreacting at all: YOU bought the food, it is YOUR house, and she knew what your plans were and she still went on and did what she wanted not even caring about how it would make you feel.
Another thing, she knew what she did was wrong because she had to wait until you left to start cooking. If she had good intentions and didn't mean to cause any trouble, she would have taken "No thank you I'll cook" and moved on. The fact that she waited until you left says it all. Maybe she came to your house that day with the intentions of stirring things up to cause a fight with you and her son to make you mad at each other. Has she done things like that before?

To the people that say you are overreacting, what about your mother in law? If going to someone's house and planning to take over their kitchen by whining until you get your way isn't overreacting, then I don't know what is.

To the one that said "...it's not Christmas Eve yet tomorrow night is..." Perhaps this person is in another country(time zone difference)or just wanted to pre- cook dinner so all they would have to do at dinner time is heat it up.....

Answer 3

I think it sounds like there are more problems here than cooking. If your mother-in-law is seriously so paranoid as to think that the reason you didn't want her to cook was because you didn't like her cooking, that's an over-reaction on her part - MOST people would not be upset to be told not to cook!
But then, given that she is a bit of a whacko, I'd just let it go if I were you. I absolutely understand that you were really looking forward to cooking the first christmas meal for your family in your new house, believe me, but ... from the sounds of things, there is other stuff in that whole family dynamic and it comes down to having to pick your battles carefully.

Answer 4

First of all let me explain something to you have the right to get angry and upset this is your home and you and your husband cook every year and enjoy a nice peaceful meal. Mother in law comes over and ask if she can help you tell her no than you go shopping for a few things and when you come back she is in our kitchen. Your husband seems to think that their is nothing wrong they just both disrespect you. If you ask me they both should apologize to you for going behind your back and doing something that you didn't want done.
I am a mother in law also and would never go into my sons and wife home and just take over with out the wifes consent as well as my son.

Best of luck

Answer 5

Your mother in law said she hates your cooking when you went to the store she started cooking in your home when you left. Must have gotten the permission from your weakling husband. Insulting, how would I handle this as xmas eve dinner. Possibly ignore but never forget situation. But in reality I can be nasty and say WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING! DAMNIT! Of course nothing won't get accomplished and everyone would be pissed at me. Take a deep breath and zero in on your revenge on another day. Sorry

Answer 6

You have the right to be upset....it is your home and you wanted to do the first Christmas Eve dinner. Your husband was just trying to make his mom feel better since she was upset...he was kind of in a tough position there. I would have wanted to make the meal myself too and having it made for us (her intentions were probably good...I hope) would bother me. She is likely having trouble thinking of you two as adults since she has been a mom for so long. Let it go....this time.

Answer 7

You should be upset a little but maybe your mother in law misses doing things for her son you they tend to overreact because they take their sons care at heart and now she feels as though he doesn't need her anymore and she wants do something to make herself feel needed so don't let it bother you too much because you can cook for and with him everyday now and she is only there for small periods now.

Answer 8

Oh that sounds like my ex husband's grandma! LOL! I would be soooo pissed. Unfortunately he sounds like he sides with her, or doesn't like to upset her! You have my sympathy, because you wanted it special for your hubby and son, and now it is different. Does she interfere in other areas in your life? Next time, please don't leave her alone in the house like that! LOL Seriously you have to have a heart to heart with your hubby to tell him that you don't hate her, but wanted to do something special for him and your son. Ask him to respect your decisions and your home, as he is married to you. His mother is just a guest in your house and doesn't have the right to do this.

Answer 9

I think your MIL is really good at manipulating your husband. If I were you, I'd avoid leaving them alone together, because that's when she'll come after him. At some point, you're probably going to have to go to the matt with her and firmly but nicely tell her no and usher her to the door. That's likely to create a major stink that will last a while, so be sure you're absolutely in the right before you do that. In the meantime, remember, she is his mother. Try to find something to like about her.

Answer 10

it's understandable that you are upset... it sounds like your husband is letting his mother control his life... but he isn't her little boy anymore... talk to him about him... tell him how you feel and try to get him to talk to his mom... he needs to stand up for himself and tell her that he loves her but she can't be budding into your lives like that.... he needs to explain that you all love her and you like the things she does for you but that sometimes you need to be alone as just your family, just you, your husband, and your son, and she is more than welcome to help when you ask for it, but she needs to let you all go and do your own thing... but don't speak out of anger or get upset when you talk to your husband about all this... be patient with him and allow him to tell you how he feels to... you may be upset with him but your mother-in-law put him in a terrible position... you have to be considerate of your husband's feeling too, listen to what he has to say, hear him out, and then you both can decide on something in agreement.... hope this helps! Merry Christmas!!