Psychological Pattern?

Question

Fell in love with this one guy in 7th grade. Broke up with me bc he thought he didnt like me anymore. Dated other guys that lasted only 1 month. They all left me. Then dated two guys that lasted for four months and then I didnt want them anymore but couldn't let go, now this is the third guy, same situation. Somethings wrong with me. It is more than not wanting to let go because right now with the third guy, I was calling him and he wouldnt pick up and I broke down because I felt scared he just left me hanging [traumatized from the past]. And I get kindaa angry if I call him and he's with his friends and I was expecting him to come over. You see? Its just strange. I dont get whats up with me, really I dont. :(
Whats this pattern?

Answer 1

I think that you have not really gotten over the first guy (from 7th grade), and that it is difficult for you to be happy in other relationships. When you are not happy, the guy in your life can sense that, and will not be happy either.

Answer 2

Dear, this is a common problem with many women and men as well. I know several women that have gone as far as to line up the next boyfriend before dumping the one they have. They find it impossible to let go if they don't.

My advice is to go to your local library and check out the book, 'Why Do I Think I Am Nothing Without A Man?' You may not fit into that category but this book is great for your particular psychological issue. While you are reading the book, make the extra effort to do things for and by yourself that you would enjoy. If you 'court' yourself a bit you may find that you like your own company and will not feel to desperate to hang on to a worthless relationship.

I did it and you can too. The thing is that after I developed a definite liking for my own company, I stumbled onto my soul-mate. He was not someone that I considered to be my type even. We have been together now for over 12 years, married for 10 and are very happy. He is still my best friend and we each live our own lives.

I noticed that there were comments regarding your age. Whether you are 13 or 63 doesn't really matter that much. I will say that I doubt you have the first idea what true love really is but I will not belittle your feelings as others might. The key is to develop healthy habits towards your relationships NOW so as to save yourself a lifetime of pain and disappointment.

I hope this helps you.

Answer 3

Many things going on. You're still quite young and not sure what you want, not sure who you are, or you wouldn't be asking this question. Feeling hurt when he wouldn't pick up is not unreasonable, but how can you be sure he was even there?
In any event, it sounds like your confusion and intensity can be overwhelming.
You are experience emotions that are more powerful than you are able to handle, so getting overwhelmed is not surprising. Try to consciously take a "time out" when the emotions get overwhelming, and think about your actions before reacting. Are you assuming the worst when it may not be that bad? Are you expecting complete commitment from a guy you've had one date with? Those are not reasonable assumptions, so you're going to have to learn to reign your emotions in to some degree. You don't want to stop your emotions, they are an important element in a healthy social life, but you can't let your emotions run out of control and ruin every relationship. At this point in your life, a lifetime commitment is NOT a reasonable expectation.
You want to find someone you enjoy being with, and develop a positive relationship that you both benefit from. If you are unable to control your jealousy, paranoia, and anger, you may not be ready for even a mildly close relationship.

Answer 4

Now wait a minute. It sounds to me like you are indulging you self fulfilling prophecy. In love, at the age of 13? I believe that people who develop strong emotional feelings for others define it as love. So, just give yourself a break from engaging with guys who diminish you. Do some honest assessment of how you define yourself, and what will be necessary for you to create a healthy and positive future for yourself. Not having a guy in your life really has no value. Positive affirmation by everyone is the most important gift you can be given.

Answer 5

i think partially it is b/c ur afraid of what happened in the past... u don't want to let go b/c ur afraid of unexpectedly hurting urself.

i'm not exactly an expert on this but i think that u should get the strength to break up with this guy if u want to and take a few months off from having a bf. it might be that u need a guy to feel secure after getting ur heart broken. just take some time off to have fun with ur friends and try not to think about guys.

i no this is wayyyyy easier said than done but i hope u'll try it. getting ur heart broken at a young age is harder than people think it is ( i no i'm 13). ppl don't realize that just b/c we're young doesn't mean we can't fall hard.

Answer 6

It's called insecurity. The surest way to drive someone away is to cling too tightly. Find some unrelated projects that will boost your self-esteem, like volunteer work, learning a new skill, etc. You are better than you think you are, and if fact, you are what you think you are. Your vision of yourself is what you will become, so get a better vision. You can do it!! peace

Answer 7

You're just trying to find yourself through somebody else.
Concentrate on who YOU are, not who someone else
makes you feel. Take some time away from other people
in general and work on developing yourself as a viable,
confident human being. It only comes from within, not
from another.