My husband and i were recently married 7 months ago. About 4 months ago he told he that he had strong feelings for his daughter's 23 year old friend. She makes him feel young and alive. I feel so betrayed. I asked him why he married me if he felt this way. He says to me that he can't understand why I don't trust him. He says he won't hurt her feelings to appease mine and that he is being a father figure to her because she is his daughter's friend - but fathers' don't want to have sex with their daughters....i'm so confused and upset.
He refuses to apologize to me and refuses flatly to reassure me or to make me feel secure. I just want to be validated and heard..............
2007-12-23 13:11:43 · 44 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This guy is bad news... he loves himself, not you or her...
2007-12-23 13:42:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a warning sign. Not that hubby would actually proceed with the gesture. Seven months is a short time for hubby to be thinking of straying. You have two choices 1) you can court your husband like you did when you first started dating. 2) Annul the marriage and move on. Demanding: I want an apology, tell me I am the only star in your eye, only you can validate you.
2007-12-23 14:18:04 · answer #2 · answered by Titus12 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess there is a difference between having these feelings and acting on them, I get the impression that some men have things that go through their heads that would horrify women if they knew. Your husband has told you what is going through his silly mind and you should tell him that if he acts on it he will lose you. This does not sound like a pleasant marriage to be in. Even if he doesn't act on these feelings it is probably only a matter of time before he shares another disturbing revelation with you. I can't imagine that you would ever be "validated and heard" by this jerk.
2007-12-23 13:22:23 · answer #3 · answered by Brenda P 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well first of all maybe you need to look at this from a different perspective. Put yourself in his shoes. He did come to you and tell you how he feels instead of lying to you and he hasnt done anything wrong yet. If you do not trust him to do the right thing than you should not be with him. If you are not making him happy enough not to need to fullfill his sexual desires than maybe you shouldnt be with him anyway. You could try and spice up your love life, you should become his fantasy not some other woman. Remember that he did come to you with this information, if you treat him badly than he will not want to tell you things in the future. Good luck -Alan
2007-12-23 13:18:44 · answer #4 · answered by qualk23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im 25 now bt when i was 21 and 22 i had a thing with my boss. he was married and his oldest wasn't much younger than me. he did kind of act like a father figure and all that at first but then he told me this sob story about how his wife wouldnt have sex with him and he was lonely. i am not saying this is what's going on with your hubby or that what i did was ok but these things happen. good luck. and i think u are right in feeling the way u feel.
2007-12-23 13:16:25 · answer #5 · answered by cajunbaby 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Someone wants their cake and ice cream. He wants to play with this young female and have you in his other corner. I would say get out of this marriage. I wouldnt waste my time. He is basically saying he wants to be with a younger woman. I hope he gets what he deserves, the grass isnt always greener on the other side. You have been validated and heard, the decision is up to you. Why are you still with him? 7 months of marriage and he is pulling this sh*t?
Sister, couldnt be me. I would have put his *ss out and filed for divorce, better yet I would have packed my sh*t and left him high and dry. You deserve better, dont settle for that!
Drop the 0 and get yourself a Hero.
Men like him make it hard for good ones.
2007-12-23 14:04:43 · answer #6 · answered by Tru_New Orleanian 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't leave him just because of this, maybe he just likes her personality, ask him what he likes about her, i doubt he is being sick.. You should know him better than that unless you married too soon, but you have a daughter together so I am betting you know him well. He already told you he won't cheat and you should trust him unless he has given you a reason not too, I am a jealous person and my bf of three years took two years to get me over being jealous of girls that flirt and talk to him... He never lies to me so I know i can trust you need to talk to him.. if he says anything that you know is not true maybe you do need to reassess the situation but talk to him first
2007-12-23 13:26:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like hubby's having the classic mid-life crisis. It generally hits us around our early forties and wears off by 50 or when we break our neck bungee-jumping with the blond college co-ed we pick up in Vegas. It's also a possible reaction he's having to your marriage. If his expectations were different that the reality of day-to-day life in a full time relationship, he might be looking for the next fantasy to chase after. Neither of these possibilities sound good and I'm sorry about that.
The good news is that with counseling and assurance that you love and accept him, he might not act out his mid-life insanity and figure out that he's behaving hurtfully and foolishly.
I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this, but men can sometimes be difficult critters to love. Best of luck and remember to take care of yourself. However you decide to deal with your husband's behavior, remember to make your decision deliberately and with consideration for all your options before you make a decision that can't be reversed.
2007-12-23 13:22:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is out of control. Do you have a minister or trusted person to confide in? You want to save the marriage if possible, but if he is not willing to let lusting for the girl go, then you may need to end it. Does his daughter know how he feels about her friend? Maybe she can help, too. This is wrong on so many levels. Let him know you are willing to make the marriage work if he is willing to cut the crap!
2007-12-23 13:18:01 · answer #9 · answered by the Goddess Angel 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Better to know,than to not know!He feels that he really needed to tell you how he feels,what makes him feel this way.Most men wont or don't even fess up to something like this.What he's going through(age difference) of what he felt like at that age,living a memory.Sit down with him and see what he feels about you,good or bad.the root of it is,you want him to feel happy about you in a way that is different from others.Take him some place for the two of you and find out.
2007-12-23 17:46:29 · answer #10 · answered by PeDeBeeD 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have already tolerated this way too long. See an attorney immediately and arrange for a separation. Do not go back with your husband unless he breaks all ties with this woman. You cannot afford to put this off, because every week you put up with this will make him bolder. You have to catch it now, hopefully before it gets physical.
2007-12-23 13:37:58 · answer #11 · answered by Terri J 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋