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I am 29 years old and i have two twin girls who are 2. My husband and i take care of them but he is a doctor and he lately he has been at work alot leaving me to take care of the twins. and he brought up the topic of more kids, i just said i cant talk about this now. what should i do? i dont know how to say it. no smart *** answers plz.

2007-12-23 12:35:58 · 18 answers · asked by Have you got it in you? 4 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

18 answers

If you don't feel comfortable having more children, you must be honest and tell him. Really talk about.

I told my husband before we got married that I didn't want any kids and he was fine with that. These are things that need to be discussed.

2007-12-23 12:38:30 · answer #1 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1 0

I have 2 children and understand how hard it can be to do the majority of the child raising. I work a full time job, a part time job and take care of the family. When my husband mentioned adopting a third child in the next couple of years I must say... I laughed first and said 'your kidding right?'

I then explained how I do the majority of the child care taking which I odn't mind but that it is a lot of work. I am busy enought as it is and I am just too plain tired to have more kids. Then when he countered with in 2-3 years I mentioned the youngest who just turned 4 would be a bit easier and I wanted to keep it that way. Then mentioned if he wanted to try and adopt one on his own and step in and do EVERYTHING that I do in a days work then he could knock himself out and I would call him from the spa!

I think he understands the point and it came across as a real eye opener for him. I think he might even pitch in a bit more right now... HA!

2007-12-23 12:50:02 · answer #2 · answered by Uncertain_One 1 · 0 0

There really isn't an easy way to say something that you're pretty sure a loved one wants to hear. We like saying "yes" to people we love. Having said that though, your husband wants the truth more than he wants you to say yes. Really. If you have reservations about having more children right now, then he needs to know that. Let him know that you've considered his idea carefully and don't let the discussion degenerate into an argument about who takes care of the twins more. This discussion isn't about that. Stick to the topic.

Also, it would be a good idea to tell him that you don't know how you will feel about the idea next year or when the twins start school. Unless you've already decided that you don't want to have anymore children, he would appreciate knowing that you're open to the idea later and that he is free to talk about it with you some time in the future.

Whenever we propose an idea like having more children in a marriage, we are exposing ourselves to rejection and are vulnerable. Handling the question with sensitivity as well as holding the truth of your feelings makes your relationship stronger and shows respect for yourself and your mate. Good luck!

2007-12-23 12:45:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

You need to be able to talk openly with your husband! Why are you so hell-bent on avoiding conflict? There is nothing wrong with saying, certainly not more kids now, twin 2 year olds have to be an incredible, exhausting amount of work, and I can't handle having more kids on top of this right now. Saying no is easy! You put your tongue to the roof of your mouth, roll it forward, and say "No." Try it! I don't mean to be a smart-a$$, but really, there is no need to make a big production out of it. You say what you feel.

2007-12-23 12:45:23 · answer #4 · answered by eldots53 7 · 0 0

If you two can't communicate, then your relationship has a SERIOUS issue. Simply tell him how you feel, and why. This is something you two need to be honest and open with each other about...

You've got plenty of childbearing years left so maybe down the road you'll be ready for more...maybe not. If you both aren't ready for more, that should be the end of the issue...you can pick it up when (if) you do both want more.

2007-12-23 12:40:45 · answer #5 · answered by . 7 · 0 0

Honesty, honesty, honesty. Tell him (assuming that this is true) that you don't feel ready to have more children right now while your girls are so young, and while his work schedule is demanding. You can tell him that you can re-open discussion when/if he isn't at work so much. I'm sure he'll understand that you aren't angry with him for being at work, and making money, but that if you're going to be by yourself a lot, you think that the two amazing children you have are plenty for now. If he seems really upset about it, then just talk through it more, don't get angry, and I wouldn't play the "it's my body" card if I were you, unless you absolutely have to.

2007-12-23 12:52:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

This is your husband. Cant you atleast talk to him openly by this point? What is stopping you from telling him how you feel? im confused.

Just be honest. If you dont think you can face him or remember everythign in person.. write him a letter. Its childish.. but sometimes i have to do it b/c i get nervous and forget everything.

Again.. this is your HUSBAND. you should be able to talk to him about anything.

2007-12-23 12:38:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

This is a serious discussion that you need to have with your husband...being that you are busy taking care of twins right now....you most likely aren't ready to be a mother yet again so soon....

2007-12-23 12:41:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I think you must tell your husband that you need, not want, him to be more involved with the raising of your children before you can think about having any more.

2007-12-23 12:40:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

wow, he must not see how much you are struggling with what you are already handling so you need to sit him down and explain how you can't handle another child if he is not helping out, don't come off as nagging, but explain that you need help with the ones you already have, if he steps it up then bring up having a third... don't give in cuz its already stressful

2007-12-23 12:41:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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