My husband won't accept marriage is over ?

Question

After 10 years of unhappy marriage, I want out.... but my husband won't leave or do anything. I can't stand it, I feel so trapped, it is really doing my head. I feel so angry, he has no repect for my feelings at all. There are 2 children at home (12 & 9) 1 is his, and all we do is argue and fight in front of them. He swears, and has in the past been violent to the property and has kicked and spat at me.We split for a year, but then I stupidly went back. Now I don't know where to turn. I don't want to leave my home, as this is my kids home and I have pets that I can't abandon, as he wouldn't look after them. I have nowhere to go...... I have asked him to leave but he won't.I just can't face going into another year with him, as I just can't live with him any longer.(we went to Marriage Guidance last year, and he didn't take it seriously)

Robert C - my daughter chooses my avatar picture...my husband has 2 children to his first marriage. I have just about 'kept' my home finances running for the last year due to his change of employment. How dare you compare me with your past history.......

Answer 1

file for divorce while you are still living in the home and with the help of your lawyer, you can make it so he has to leave at least until a court hears your case and decides what is BEST for the CHILDREN, not you, not him, not the pets, but what is best for the children.....

Answer 2

I left an unhappy marriage after 12 years and 4 kids. My husband too refused to accept that it was over...he told me that sticking together for the kids sake was the thing to do - but i felt I would not survive mentally if i had to spend one more day with him. I left, taking the kids, as he refused to move out. My own father intervened at this point, telling my husband that his children should have a roof over their heads, and to be a man and face up to the truth. He moved out, and I moved back in with the kids. He kept the keys, and called every day. He took to following me when I left the house, and at one stage broke into the house when I was out shopping, telling me it was his home and as far as he was concerned, he was still married.

I stuck to my guns, even when everyone was telling me that I could not raise 4 kids alone. They are now all grown up,and I finally got my long-awaited divorce last year.

Can you go to a women's refuge when he gets violent; can you report each incident to the police? At least keep a diary of his behaviour. You may have to leave...I did it to force the issue, and took the risk that I might lose my home. Can you agree to sell the house even if he won't leave so that each of you could start again? I don't know if you are working or could get a mortgage. When it happened to me, I was working part-time, but in no position to be able afford a place of my own.
What you need now is mediation, which is different from counselling, because the mediator takes the realistic view that this relationship may not be salvageable, and works out a plan for you to separate with dignity.

I feel for you; it was very hard to live through, and I don't know where I got the strength from to keep going, but it was the best decision I ever made.
Good luck.

Answer 3

I am really sorry you are feeling this way. The best thing to do is get some authorities involved (courts, lawyers etc).
If he won't leave by you asking then you might need to be proactive about it and take the next step. If he is voilent with you call the cops and get a restraining order.

You know if he doesn't leave...you just might have to. A house is not reason to stay...really neither are your pets. A healthy home for you and your kids are most important. Call a friend, a family member anyone. A house is a house...a family makes a house a home. So anywhere you are with your kids will be home.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Go see a lawyer discreetly. Most of them will allow the first visit free of charge as a consultation. Based on what the lawyer tells you, I would bet you have rights; you have a child by this man, and you say he has been abusive and profane. You will need someone else's word that this is true; it will be your word against his. Gather evidence and witnesses; if the kids are over 12, they can testify if they also want away from this man. I am not sure if you can force him to leave; it is his home as much as yours. I would guess (but talk to the lawyer) that if you are the one that wants out, you will be the one to have to leave. You may get the house back upon the issuance of a divorce decree, but for now, it looks like you will have to do the leaving. See what the lawyer tells you. Be discreet; he sounds somewhat unstable and might do something rash if he finds out you have gone to see a lawyer. You are in my prayers.

Answer 5

Why shouldn't he stay in the home? If you want to end the marriage, then maybe you should leave. The kids can stay in the home with him - at least his child can.

Why is it when a woman wants out of the marriage, she thinks she should get everything and the man should pay for it all? Even if the woman has committed adultery, she thinks the man should be the one to leave.

Keep in mind that since he has 2 children from a previous marriage that you will get little in the way of child support. The court will deduct the support he pays for those children from his net income before calculating your support. The first kids come first, sorry.

Answer 6

If the house is in both names, you really can't force him to leave..... It's his house too, sorry. So you have some choices... 1. stay, but partition the house, (call a contractor) you have one side, he the other, separate entrances, yadaddyadya) or you leave, which you said you are unwilling to do or 2. you leave.

{BTW, you are doing your children no favors by staying and allowing them to see the sick, inner working of your marriage.... rage, resentment, fight, swearing, kicking spitting... eeeeee gods..... truly sick. This is child abuse, hon. Your sons learn that it is okay to treat women this way, and your daughters learn that this is what they ought to expect in about any man they marry... ya gotta get them away from this..... sick.}

As my dad once said, "A divorce is a nice thing if you can afford it." I'm assuming you can't, cuz if this were me, I'd be outa there, have friends look after my pets and be renting a place with the kids..... you may be surprised that they are not as bonded to that house as you.... from the posting you have, it doesn't sound much like a 'home'... more like "a torture chamber and we are too young to leave and mom won't get us outa here".

I'd urge you to reconsider just staying and taking it and hoping he'll leave.... he won't.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

I am so sorry to hear this. This is more of a legal question in fact. I would find out my legal position is and save as much money as possible without him knowing. Talk to bodies like Citizen Advice Bureau etc. to see if there is other option.

Also, get support from friends or relatives who may be able to put up with you in case anything violent happened. they can be your witness too.

Start collecting evidence in case you two need to separate in front of a judge.

When you sit down with him to talk it over in a civilised way, if it helps, get somebody (a friend or any counsellor) to be with you in the meeting. So he will take it more seriously.

I dont know if it helps, has he got anywhere to go? If he hasn't, it's more difficult for him to move out.

All the very best and take care.

Answer 9

You say you want out but are erecting roadblocks at the same time...worry about the pets, don't want to leave your home, etc.
You have to make a choice. If you can't do anything else go to a shelter and stay there until you can get situated. I don't know if they can help with the pet situation, but you may have to consider yourself and your children before you worry about them. Home is just a house, you can find another.
If you are employed, a second solution would be to start looking for a place to live, rent it and start furnishing it. When you feel it is ready, move.

Answer 10

i so know where your coming from i was unhappy for 12 years, we to split many times and i took him back mainly because he never left me alone an kids were upset, he begged an promised to change but each time he just went back to his old ways.i so wanted to leave but like you had no where to go eventually he blew his top over nothing an got very violent the police was called an they was brilliant, they warned if he came near the house he would be arrested an could only pick his belongings up with a police excort. you need to see a solicitor who will order him to leave, dont feel sorry for him as he never felt sorry for you whilst using you as a punchbag. its not going to be easy the kids might be upset at first but eventually you will wonder how easy it was an why you didnt do it years ago

Answer 11

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