Does splitting up the holidays aggravate any one else?

Question

My husband and I try to split up all of our holidays between our families. For the past 3 years we've always gone to his side of the family for Christmas Eve/Morning as they usually plan big events, whereas my family is more laid back and intimate. This year his mother told every one to do what they wanted, when secretly she meant she wanted us to come to her mother's house to see her brother we've never met. I'm ok with that except for the fact that she did the typical woman thing and said one thing but really meant another, and then got mad when no one was able to read in between the lines. So now the decision has basically been made for us that we are going to be there. I haven't been able to share Christmas Eve/morning with my family in a few years and now feel aggravated that I won't be able to again this year. My parents have been through a lot of hell this year...and even a near divorce. They are doing much better and I'm feeling disgruntled that we aren't going to be there.

I'm trying to be understanding and supportive because this is a brother that she rarely sees as he's out of state. But then I have no idea why he doesn't visit more often. He's an adult, he can get on a plane and come down any time and has a place to stay. Same with her. I guess I'm just annoyed that I've allowed myself to be manipulated into this when I really don't want to be there. To top it all off, her brother has a benign medical condition that requires a strict diet....so we are eating soup and salad and nothing else.

Answer 1

This has been an issue at our home for a long time. My husband's family lives in the same town as we do, so they tend to monopolize every holiday, event, --- ok, and every Sunday afternoon..
My family tends to be left out of holidays because they live so far away or they work on holidays because my mom is a nurse.

So I make plans far ahead of time, that way when my mother-in-law calls and asks about Christmas day, or Thanksgiving, I already have a schedule made out for when we will or will not be available.

Scheduling can be a lifesaver for these types of issues.

Since it is too late for you to come up with an excuse at this point, I would calmly and rationally explain the situation and do what you feel you need to do.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

I have not spent Christmas with my family in over 3 years because i moved 1200 miles away from them. But, If i was able to spend holidays with them i would. I would go one place Christmas Eve and have that family gathering. Then i would go to the other on Christmas day.

Another thing you may try next year is to have Christmas at your own house. Tell everyone at Thanksgiving that Christmas will be in your home and that you will want them to participate at your house. This way your parents and his parents can all join you at the same time. Leaving you plenty of time with your immediate family.

Good Luck! Merry Christmas!

Answer 3

Marriage is about compromise. But compromise comes from both sides. You're right, your MIL should have said what she meant instead of releasing you to do what you want when she didn't mean it. However, the brother visiting is a good reason to do it her way this time.

If it's important to spend Christmas Eve/morning with your family too, then agree to alternate. Next year, you spend that time with your family, and then go to his. Then, the following year, his family has dibs. Tell them far in advance that this is the plan. Your husband must agree to support you on this.

In the meantime, try to enjoy Christmas. While this is annoying, you don't want to let it spoil your holiday.

Answer 4

I hate it. We have a million places to go to. Really 6 places in 2 days. Plus my first child is from a previous relationship which makes it worse. I just want to enjoy Christmas.