And told me that he was going to be in the area at christmas to visit some friends and family. He asked if he could stop by on christmas to visit my daughter( shes 3)
I said fine, but I don't know if it would be best for her, I mean he raised her since she was a months old, but no him coming back into her life again I dont know if its the ideal situation.
what do you guys think.
2007-12-23 08:27:19 · 32 answers · asked by Lucia F 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He isnt her biological dad.
2007-12-23 08:30:46 · update #1
OK so you guys know.
I was with my ex Bf, I had my daughter he was an a$$ and left.
I married my husband, he raised her.
Then her bio dad wanted to be a part of her life again, I let him back in slowly to visit her.
Then I had a miscarriage, which contributed to the failure of my marriage.
He left for California, not me so its not one of those bitchy ex wife tales.
2007-12-23 08:37:02 · update #2
He left about 2 months ago
2007-12-23 08:38:53 · update #3
Yah totally let him see her. Sounds like he treated you two well and im sure she'd love to see him. Im sorry to hear you are getting a divorce
2007-12-23 10:41:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
when is the last time he saws her? Did he move far away? What is his reason for not seeing her? Is there another reason why you don't want him to see her? If it has been a few years it might not be the best but... there are other questions that need to be answered first. Ultimately it is your decision unless the court steps in but you need to ask yourself these if he lives very far away and transportation and financial issues have prevented him to see her and it has only been less than a year than I think you probably should but you should have regular visitation set up even if he lives far away, you two should half the expenses and atleast do it for a few weeks in the summer and maybe another time as well. He should make an effort to come up during the holidays to visit with her as well and possibly other times of the year. But if he raised her since she was 1 month and left when she was 6 months or before she was 2 than I think you need to have a talk with him about the effects this might have on your daughter in the future. Maybe get her a good thereapist and seek one yourself.
statistics on children of divorce
http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com/statistics-about-children-and-divorce.html
EDIT: I have to respond to Jami's post there is a difference between a father and a dad just because someone isn't someones natural father does not mean that they should not be able to see their children, I know a guy who still talks to his ex step dad and he still does things for him, he never had any other father son relationship except for this man. Also if I should ever (which I'm sure we won't) split up with my children's dad than I would want him to stay in my sons life (he is my daughters natural father) and I know he would want to as well.
I do not allow my sons biological father visitation because for the first year I seriously begged it is embarrassing. My son has been through 4 surgeries in his life and he hasn't showed up to visit or anything even once. About a year ago he called the child support agency and asked them for my address, not phone number this creeped me out. Other reasons that I do not let him are because his girlfriend has made threats early on of what would happen if I tried to pursue visitation and his mother and girlfriend both pretty much ran me down blocking me to get in my vehicle one day yelling and stuff for no reason, it was so embarrassing. They didn't want it then and showed it with great lengths so now that we are happy and my son has the greatest dad why should we cause him problems now.
DEFINITELY LET HIM SEE HER!!!!!!!!
2007-12-23 08:36:26 · answer #2 · answered by littlemisscontroverse 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I am in a difficult divorce situation too. That's a long story though. Going through a divorce is never an IDEAL situation and it's even harder with children involved (as you know).
With your daughter being so young it's hard to explain to her what's going on. No matter what (if he visits or if he doesn't) she's probably going to ask you where daddy is at some point. When she asks, she's ready to know the answer. It will be up to you to explain it as best you can to her.
I suppose having him visit would make it harder on her (and possibly you too), but this is purely your choice. If you think your daughter might be able to understand if you explain to her, then try talking to her before he visits. Again, I don't know your daughter or the whole situation.
Best of luck and have a Merry Christmas!
2007-12-23 08:36:43 · answer #3 · answered by Kari 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Hard but sin-sable question. My opinion only is that it would be hard to keep him away knowing that he I'm sure, got attached emotionally to her like a father and daughter, but I don't know the full story. If he wants to see or be a part of her life biologically or not the father he needs to put more of an effort than just a well I was in the neighborhood visit. Child of any age doesn't need a part time mommy or daddy. Hope you find your answers. Merry Christmas...
2007-12-23 08:37:52 · answer #4 · answered by The Crypt Keeper 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Very delicate one that is...
I noticed the first three answers.
Divorce is not a nice thing to go through, and indeed crucifies most people that go through it.
I would suggest that despite him not being the biological father, he is probably the father with the greatest bond your daughter would ever have, and that he shouldn't be prevented from keeping that bond, or that you deny both of them that.
However, nasty things can and do happen.
A lot should depend on the circumstances of the break up, age, maturity, and trust.
The phrase "Love is a battlefield" is very true, and very few win.
The children tend to be those that suffer.
In his position, if you are suing for maintenance, I would demand I could see the child.
From yours, I'd opt for an amicable and realistic solution.
2007-12-23 08:40:47 · answer #5 · answered by MikeD2 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Is that actually his daughter or he's just been her father figure since she was little? It really just depends cause if it's her father then it's important to have him in her life as much as possible until she's at a mature age to make that decision for herself. On the other hand if he's turning out to be this guy that's just kind of passing through her life and has no real intention of being there for her then keep him away. He can't just come and go on holidays and "special occasions" and think that's going to be sufficient enough.
2007-12-23 08:36:34 · answer #6 · answered by Jamie J 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I would let him come by. Just because he isnt with you anymore doesnt mean that he doesnt still love you daughter that he helped raise for a little while. Be happy that he cares.
2007-12-23 08:41:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's only a visit. Do u want him to be a part of her life? Figure that out and then make you decision. A good father is a terrible thing to waste.
2007-12-23 08:32:00 · answer #8 · answered by Sunday's Best 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
He's her father and has the right to see her. If you dont want anything to do with him its fine. But let your daughter have a chance. If he screws up and doesnt see her again or sees her whenever he feels like it atleast you were never there to stop a possible relationship and she will never be able to resent you for that.
2007-12-23 08:30:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
I don't see any harm in allowing your soon to be ex to visit his step daughter....Is he the only father that she knows? I actually think it would be cruel to not allow him to still be a part of her life...as long as he treated her like a daughter and provided for her...
2007-12-23 08:32:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋