Is it fair to blame the person outside of your marriage?

Question

My thing is women should appreciate their husbands. Most married women act all stuck like they are better than single women. Why do they get mad if another women sleeps with their husband. It is the wife fault and if she didn't do anything wrong she should have saw it coming

Answer 1

No, it's not the wife's fault if the husband goes outside of the marriage. It's his because it's his choice. If he's unhappy, he should leave and then pursue his options. He makes the choice regardless of her treatment so it's his fault if he steps out. If it's really so bad, why doesn't he just leave?

As far as the other woman goes (the one he cheats with), she is only responsible to herself (assuming that she's not committed to someone else). She is not in the marriage and doesn't owe him or the wife anything. However, if you are the other woman, beware that the wife is likely going to want to take it out on you and will likely come after you anyway, whether you owe her or not.

One more point, how does one know that he's being honest about the wife's treatment of him? Clearly he's a liar if he sees other women while married, right? How does one know she's the bad one? One is not there (at home at all times that they are together) to see how they both treat each other so how can one be sure that one is not just another notch on the bedpost?

Answer 2

It' funny that you posted this. Today I read something similar that I agreed with and I guess I will share it with you:
In the article the editor shared a story of a woman who was married and unhappy with the physical side of her marriage. She started a relationship with another man. As time went on she said that she was unhappy with that man as well. The editor asked who was the cheater?(thank you JK)

Your question falls within the same lines. People will look outside their marriage for a myriad of reasons and mostly not only for physical reasons. Many wives/long term girlfriends seem to not offer the emotional peace, the appreciation for the men in their lives. If a man is elderly the women isnot in touch with him emotionally, the list goes on. There seems to be an unspoken rule of "entitlement" when the relationship is solidified. Although because I am a female, I must admit my experience with the sense of entitlement came from a man....so it does go both ways

Blaming the third person would work wonders for the mind...and even the ego, but may not be the answer to your (meaning the person blaming the third person) own deep rooted questions.

Answer 3

Uh... no. If a married man sleeps around it's his fault, not his wife's. I know they like to make excuses that it's because there are problems in the marriage but the answer to a marital problem is counseling, not cheating.

There is no reason to appreciate a man who lies and sleeps around. He's putting his wife at risk for STDs, if nothing else. And if she can't trust him to be faithful to her then she can't trust him for anything else either.

I say this having been "the other woman" a few times in my life. I will never do it again. It is a dead-end kind of relationship and if the man really respected you he would get a divorce first and date you afterward. Rule of thumb: Whatever he's doing to his wife, he will do to you. I learned that the hard way. You're not special, you're not an exception to the rule, and you'll be the one he's complaining about five years from now to a new sweetie--and you'll be lucky if it takes that long.

Ditch the dork. Free up your time to find a man who really is good for you.

Answer 4

Sounds like your the outsider!! If you knew going into it no matter what BS he laid on you, you should have known better, so YES you deserve to be blamed. Don't kid yourself there is no good reason to be the other person. Think about how many lives you ruin by doing this. Are there kids, did they deserve to loose DAD cuz you couldn't find a single man?? Do you really know what is going on in the home between them and did the wife deserve to be treated like a pile of crap cuz you wanted a piece?? Get a life and GROW UP!!!!!! One day the shoe may be on the other foot,what comes around goes around, and then you'll know how it feels and you can answer your own question.

Answer 5

Well being a married women for 10 years ...I dont think you should blame the 3rd partry..I mean yes you know he's married. But he is also coming on to you...HE should know better and yes. if the wife was connected to him as they should be she should know from instinct that he is cheating..or thinking about it. Then they need to communicate with each other...The problem really lies in the marriage between He & His Spouse.. But the Other women should back off at that point...Most smart women do. But you as the other women should realize ...That yes The Wife is hurt and she may need to say a piece to you to feel better.. One day when you find the love of you life you then will understand her feelings and why she may still steam on you.

Answer 6

No, a husband's infidelity is seldom his wife's "fault." Even if there are problems in their marriage, both have taken vows to be faithful to each other. A husband who strays does so willingly, and a woman who knowingly sleeps with a married man could have avoided doing so. A wife who "sees it coming" has an opportunity to try to strengthen the marriage, but she can't do it all alone. If her husband is determined to play around, she can't, ultimately, prevent him. So stop blaming the victim!

Answer 7

No its not the wifes fault. Its his for being a cheatin lying @ss. People always want to blame the person that got hurt in the situation, not the liar or the whore that didn't care he was married or taken. You must be the other woman. A marraige is sacred.

Answer 8

i think you are that person outside their marriage. you are the third-party. well anyway, actually all of you could be blame. the wife, the husband or the third-party(you). but if we will think about who should be the victim, i should say that the victim should be the wife. why? because base in law/legal "she" is the one who has rights. The husband and the third-party have sinned against Law and God. this is my answer regarding your question if it is fair to blame the person outside someone's marriage.

Answer 9

You don't have to be in the marriage to be morally responsible, so yes it is fair to blame the person outside of the marriage but also the two inside the marriage

Answer 10

Hmm, sounds as if someone is trying to justify sleeping with a married man. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife also applies to husbands.
If it's the wife's fault if you sleep with her husband, whose fault is it if he gives you an STD?
If he leaves her and marries you, whose fault is it when he cheats on you? hers? and he will cheat on you too.