Serious answers only...men from 38 to 50..I'm getting ready to jump back into the dating pool. I'm a woman in

Question

my early 40's and a recent breast cancer survivor. I'm posting this looking for honest opinions from men as I don't have a lot of male friends to ask. I have scars and implants now. What do you men look for in a woman? I have kept myself in great shape and take good care of myself, have lots of interests and friends. And I do know how to treat a man. How soon should I reveal the fact about my cancer? Would you still consider a woman to be sexy even with the scars? If I didn't immediately tell a man about the cancer, would he feel like I hid something or somehow lied to him? And one more ?.....it's been a long time since I was on a date. If I invite a man in for a drink or coffee after the date would they think they were automatically going to be invited to spend the night? Thanks for your honesty and please, no jerks.......

I posted this here because I'm not yet completely divorced....sorry.....I haven't been with anyone else, so please, no comments....just need honesty...thanks scott

too bad CA is so far away

Cute, pux phil...no im not looking for arrogant men....and the implants were done when reconstruction was done immediately following the removal process....not out of vanity...it took a long time to be reconstructed, and several surgeries.....and i don't think it shows insecurity....but thanks for your input

thanks space cadet....the blue eyes get me every time....haven't been with anyone in over 15 mo.---not even a kiss....being "hot" into someone will be no problemo

thanks pux......have a merry christmas babe

Answer 1

First of all, congrats on your recovery. Since everyone is different, I can only go by what I look for. I just turned 45, so I'll give you my opinion. I don't look at your chest like I did when I was young and dumb. A nice face, a pretty smile, and a great sense of humor get me going. There are a lot of ways to be sexy, without it being all about physical things.
At some point, after you are comfortable with someone, you are going to have to say something, it's only fair. Hopefully, he's not a jerk.
And just because you invite him up for a drink, that isn't an invitation for a horizontal mamba!
I hope things work out for you, you deserve it!

Answer 2

First of all any man that knows what you went
through can see that you are a survivor. A man
that is truly a man for a woman, looks for the
character of that woman and how she treats him.
Scars show what someone has gone through and
has survived. You are recovering from an ordeal
that many people have gone through and in life
struggles are what makes us strong. Once you
know a man and see that he is interested in you
then you can gradually talk about your recovery
from cancer. It is best to take things slow as you
want to find the right man for you. If you have a
good and descent man and you invite him to your
home for coffee or a drink, he should respect
that for what it is and not expect anything else
until you let him know when the right time is.
It would be better to meet him in a public place
to drink coffee or a drink and once you get to
know him better then you can invite him to your
place. Remember you have already went through
trying times with your cancer and you do not need
any man or men troubles. You seem to be a
strong person and self independent and that
alone says that you deserve someone to treat
you with respect and dignity as any woman
deserves that. So take it slow and be strong and
you call the shots and since you know how to
treat a man you need a man that knows how to
treat a woman. Glad to see you have recovered
from your cancer and hopefully you will recover
in finding the right man for you so that your
happiness will be complete. Good luck.

Answer 3

i'm 46 and can only give you my own view.

what i look 4 in a female is thuthfulness and honesty, and their ability to know the difference and practice both religiously. everything else is just 'window dressing'. my first ex had a nasty long scar from a gall bladder removal, she was still the most sexiest woman in the world 2 me...while i was married 2 her as i am totally committed 2 the preson i am with. the scar didn't change who she was.

i can't speak for any other men as 2 weather or not scars would b a turn off 4 them, but honestly isn't that a bit shallow if they do, i mean everyone almost everyone has had a surgery of some sort and prolly has scars 2 go with it...do we just toss them aside as possible bf/gf material without looking deeper...i was not raised that way nor were a lot of others.

i do believe that any man u wanna date will have a very interresting question 2 ask as i do now...ur married now and r looking at jumping back into the dating pool after a divorce...y r u divorcing.

Answer 4

You don't need to say anything on your first date or later. You will need to say something if you feel the relationship is moving toward a commitment. If you invite a man for coffee or a drink, he will be looking for more than that. He knows you are not a kid anymore, there are no games to play. He will be angry if you don't. If he asks you for a date, than you have the choice. Scars are not sexy and never will be, your "hot" desire for a man is. He can forget about the scars if you give yourself fully to the mood, I mean, put it out with gusto, make him want more, until he can't live without you. How would you feel if a guy wanted you bad you could feel it? Even if he had scars, he wants you so bad he can't see straight! How would you feel. Hope this helps. Good luck Yes, you are still a full woman don't ever forget that. Comment on avatar if any. I usually do not come back here once answered.

Answer 5

Tell him right away (not your first words). A woman with scars from surviving cancer, shows determination . This is an attractive and sexy quality. As is staying in shape. It shows pride. A woman with implant scars from cosmetic touch ups, shows vanity and insecurity. Replacing something that is lost is not the same as trying to gain more than you ever were.
To be honest; good guys in that age bracket, seeking a partner, don't put physical appearance at the top of their list.
Some guys would think that the invite was an 'invite' but you aren't looking for the arrogant ones anyway. Are you?

Damn. You said no jerks. Sorry.

You're so right. It doesn't show insecurity in your case. I admire your courage.

Answer 6

I am not a man but I will tell you this I have lots of male cousins and I can confide in them also I been dating for over 8 years here is my conclusions,

Men in that age group turn into teenage girls they are very insecure getting older feel very ready to settle down.

Usually women are leaving them after so many years of marriage and the men are blind sided like "What the hell went wrong"!

Your not going to find that young love where you are calling each other every five minutes but you will find a companion.

At that age looks are not as important as a women who will be able to communicate with them and make them feel safe again.
You must walk with confidence and know your the most beautiful thing in the world.
Don't tell anyone about your ordeal or your scars they have no business knowing until they know you better.
You don't want to freak anyone out. I mean it is not the scars men may be afraid of you getting it back and them loosing you.
Remember at this age you don't have to tell your life story on the first date.
But really you have a good chance of finding someone just with your attitude and confidence.

OOOh and by the way men will always expect sex it is up to us women to say no or yes if he really likes you he will wait
Good luck!

Answer 7

Congratulations on your recovery, and here is to your continued health. Your cancer is part of you and you should tell who you want when you want. I wouldn't go blurting out immediately upon meeting someone. Just take your time. You are going through a lot with your divorce. Get yourself together before you start back out there. Take some time for you. Anyone that is worth your time wouldn't be upset however you decide to handle telling all about you. Anyone you invite over for a drink or coffee shouldn't assume anything. Have a Merry Christmas and good luck.

Answer 8

Hey sweety. I look for a woman who is honest, who takes care of herself, who is reasonably independent, and who knows how to function in almost any situation. (i.e, we can get drunk at the harley hang out, but make that one martini last at the company party at the bosses house.)

I'd wait untill you were comfortable enough with a guy before telling him. Wait untill you're sure you can trust him to be discrete. I suggest this for 2 reasons. First, it's none of anyone's business. And second, some guys can be real idiots when they know personal information about a woman. A real gentleman won't care about scarring, because he will be interested in you as a person. The scars are nothing to be ashamed of, and not something you would hide, just not something that was any of his business until you decide it is.

If he is fortunate enough to be invited in for coffee, he should be expecting coffee. Some guys will assume that you want more. Be careful. Take your time and be sure that the guy is sincere before you allow yourself into a potentially compromising situation.

You'll weed out a lot of a$$holes before you get a keeper, but we are out there. You sound like a pretty good catch yourself, so welcome back to the dating pool.

Answer 9

If a man no matter what the age is that superficial that a few scars bother him then he not worth the time of day. Any man worth anything will look past that and look at the person you are inside. I applaud you for winning your fight against cancer. I think that shows more about you personally than any physical appearance issues.
Good luck in your venture into the dating world.....

Answer 10

justlim, I believe in honesty right from the start. He has a right to know from the start before it becomes a waste of time for both of you. I have a friend who recovered from a brain tumor. People
who have been through chemotherapy have lower fertility and a lower chance of getting pregnant. She was honest with her husband from the beginning. He loved her so much he still wanted to marry her.
Honesty is the way to go.