My wife has been invited to Christmas eve at her sisters house 30 miles away. She comes from a big family and people are coming from all directions to the strong sisters house. She is the leader of the family and everyone seems to love her and what ever she says pretty much goes.
This year she has decided that I should stay at home and my wife should come alone. She does not like me and has told the rest of the family that they should hate me too.
Should my wife attend her Holiday Celebration without me, or refuse to attend? (If she pushed the issue maybe I would be allowed to go along but of course it would be painful) Your thoughts?
2007-12-23 06:09:48 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Holidays ➔ Christmas
Some of you have said I should force the issue and come along. I may be able to force myself into the house but of course everyone would ignore me or roll their eyes every-time I spoke. I can see the "what is he doing here look" in their eyes.
My wife is not strong enough to push it and feels like if the family cuts her off she will have no one (other than me).
I have not been cruel or mean to anyone, just different than they are. (personality clash)
2007-12-23 06:29:35 · update #1
If you can't go then your wife should not go. She shouldn't give in to her bullying sister. Maybe after a few times of your wife not going bc of this rude request, maybe your sister - in - law will change her mind. Your wife should stand by you. Good luck.
2007-12-23 06:18:00 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your sister-in-law needs to get a grip and stop being negative. She should be more concerned about if you're making your wife happy, providing well for her and the kids (if you have any) and are a positive influence. Your wife loves you, or she wouldn't have married you. Have her stand up to her sister: either big sister accepts that fact you are family as well, or big sis needs to take a hike. Or give sis-in-law the usual line if she's uber-religious, "God doesn't like ugly". If she asks what you mean, repeat it and hang up.
---------
Or if that is a bit much, go with plan #23B: instead of going to the big family shindig, spend it together, just the two of you. Afterwards, call over and wish everyone a merry whatever and go back to snuggling in front of the tv. You two are FAMILY afterall, you don't need the rest if they're only going to talk down to you.
2007-12-23 14:24:10 · answer #2 · answered by TigerStripe 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. My mother-in-law decided one year that my husband would be invited to Thanksgiving dinner,but not me. He refused to go without his wife. The day before thanksgiving, she called and said, well I guess your wife can come too." I didn't want to go after that, but went anyway, to keep the peace. Sometimes that is just what you have to do. I don't know why your sister-in-law doesnt like you, in my case my MIL was mentally ill and possessive of my husband. She tried to break us up for the first few years of our marriage. You're SIL shouldn't invite your wife without you, you are part of the family. And your wife should never go without you on a holiday, she needs to stand by you. If she wants to visit her sister any other time, that should be fine, but one should never leave a spouse alone on a holiday. And, maybe, that is how she should explain it to her sister. Tell her that she would love to spend time with her,but holidays need to be spent with her husband,either at home or with the family. Then she can make time for her sister later. That is not a threatening way to do it, and will not make your wife look bad to her sister. I know it's hard. Good Luck.
2007-12-23 14:24:02 · answer #3 · answered by bpsgirl123 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
All right, I had to wait five minutes before coming back to this so I wouldn't say something that i would regret later. The way I see it is that you can consider two options.
One: Go. This will probably be the most painful route, and diffrent things will come of it. You might spend the entire party listening to the sister's whispered griping, and you know if you say anything against it, you will end up being the one that seems to be in the wrong. However, if your wife fights for you to go, it shows your sister-in-law that you two won't stand for nonsense.
Two: Don't go. By far, this is the easiest route. Of course, that just raises the question that you have obviously already considered. Should your wife go or not? In my opinion, she should definatly not go. For her to go alone is showing subbmission to the 'alpha' of this family, thereby making it okay for this woman to spread as many rumors as she wishes about you. Remeber, humans aren't that diffrent than animals. One show of subbmission is all it takes for an 'alpha', in this case, your in-law to become impowered.
So, it is ultimately your choice: To go or not to go. Going is a show of strength and defiance, however if could end up with worse relations between you and your wife's family. Not going is also a show of defiance, as long as your wife stays home with you.
What I would personally do (if I was a man in this situation) would be to stay home with my wife. When the family asks why my wife wasn't there, she or I would answer 'we don't go where we are not wanted'. That way, you two would be standing firm in your marriage and show the family that when they think of you two, they should think of you two together, not as singular people.
Hope this helps!
2007-12-23 14:32:30 · answer #4 · answered by Geena h 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey sorry to hear about that evil sister lol. Butt i believe that you and your wife should spend a nice Christmas at home together. Your wife and you are grown and if her family can not see that then the best wishes upon them. So just order some food from your favorite restaurant or both of you enjoy making a warm holiday meal in the kitchen. Who know it could turn into a better Christmas present for you both. ; -)~
2007-12-23 14:36:36 · answer #5 · answered by Mz. Honey 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yikes! sounds like that could be a sensitive issue. Being a woman, but not a wife, think I'd let your wife decide if she wants to go and then let it go. She may decide not to go because of the sister's attitude and poorly expressed wishes. I'm assuming you and your wife have discussed this issue more than once? In the event that she does go, I'd like to encourage you not to begrudge her this time with other family members there - and see it as more than just her selfish sister trying to control everyone else.
AND...don't let that stop you from having a nice evening out with your own friends...or get a few movies and snacks and relax. Make arrangements ahead of time so you have something to look forward to as well. :)
2007-12-23 14:26:26 · answer #6 · answered by ziggy 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First you have to get past the hurt that this must cause you and your wife. My first reaction is to show them that you are better than they are in your attitude toward them, but that would only make your feelings toward them tense. The sister is very wrong to even say this unless you have done something unbelievabIy evil. ( I am not sure how she is SO loved if she pulls stunts like this!) I would be very hurt and upset if my spouse went without me. My thought is for you to go and show them that you are your wife's husband for a reason. She loves you and there must be very good reasons for that. Show them why she loves you by being friendly and helping everyone have a wonderful Christmas eve! God bless you!
2007-12-23 14:25:52 · answer #7 · answered by hez 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think you and your wife should have gone away for the holidays. My uncle stated they would rather my husband not come with me for a holiday. I can say I no longer see or speak to them. I can also say that my husband did not do anything wrong and I no longer speak to them. Your wife needs to put her sister in her place. As far as the rest of the family goes they need to grow up.
2007-12-26 13:14:02 · answer #8 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife should definitely stay at home with you. She should let her sister know that if you are not welcome in her house then she is not welcome there as well. You are her husband and she should stand by you not leave you by yourself because her sister doesn't like you. If all the in-laws in the world stayed home because they we're not liked by their spouses family everyone would be alone. The sister needs to put her feelings a side and learn the true meaning of Christmas and your wife needs to let her know that.
2007-12-23 14:24:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would tell your wife that you are insulted that your sis-in-law has not invited you to her house for the holidays. I would think that if you were not invited then your should not go to her sister's house. I have not always gotten along with my brothers-in-law but I would not tell my sisters that they were not invited to my house as these men are still married to my sisters and they are also my family too. Sounds as if your sis-in-law has a beef with you and hope you can work it out for your wife's sake. Good luck and Merry Christmas
2007-12-23 14:18:19 · answer #10 · answered by katlvr125 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋