I am 32 years old. I have been best friends with Alisa for 10 years now. Over time, she has gradually just gotten meaner and more selfish. Little things here and there she would do or say that were just totally rude. Last night she again was completely impolite to me, after I brought her an expensive gift and everything...
I emailed her today just saying... "you know what? Lets not continue our friendship"
okay.. so my question is this...
Has anyone ever been thru a big "friend-breakup" and can you tell me when it stops hurting, and how you got thru it?
Sometimes you just have to move on from a friend, and leave them in your past- this is definately one of those situations.
thanks for your help!
2007-12-23 05:09:06 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
oh wow.
reading through all of these answers made me cry!! I can't tell you how much it means to me to have these words brought to me.
thank you
thank you so much!!!!
2007-12-23 05:22:29 · update #1
Sometimes for your own well being you have to let old friendships go. It's unfortunate, and as with death, divorce or any other severing of ties it can be very painful. This is especially true when so much time and energy have been invested into the relationship. I applaud you for having the courage to take such a difficult step. As someone who has been in your shoes I would advise you to try not to rush through the pain..it is a natural consequense, and though uncomfortable, it is often a necessary step in the healing process, just as pouring peroxide on a wound can sting, the stinging is a sign that the wounds are being cleansed and prepared to heal.
2007-12-23 05:19:34 · answer #1 · answered by god of thunder 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've been there, and it's not too far from relationship breakups too. Because you've been so close for so many years it can take a toll on you that equal to a relationship breaking up. To deal with it, seek friends and loved ones to be close to you. Only time will take the pain away. Talking about it, like you did now, helps a lot too. The longer it is and more you
But, as for your friend, I think there's something wrong going on with her. Usually when someone's behavior changes like this people think it's best to just accept it and walk away. However, there could be something more. It may have to do with you, perhaps she has some sort of anger or resentment against you. Perhaps it's your direction in your life or something that is gradually changing that she can't deal with.
Also, it could be something she's dealing with on her own and she can't allow you to get close and figure out what that is. She could be hiding a serious problem like drugs, stealing, depression, drinking, or even just a big slump in her life. She could be pushing everyone away and not just you. Insulting and ignoring you are the best ways to push someone away and get them to leave you.
It's possible she may need you even more, but I would stay safe and just keep your distance. It's possible this may not be an official breakup. It just might make her realize what she's done.
2007-12-23 05:20:14 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My best friend Bee and I were friends for 8 years and just last week ended it because one of her younger friends called our other best friend names and got in her face and Bee took the other girls' side so I told her she was a horrible friend who doesn't stick up for people who have been her friends longer and have always been there for her. Well we just recently started talking again after 2 weeks and decided we would talk and all but that really were just faces in the hallway. It wasn't so hard to let her go because like you my friend had changed and turned into a ***** the last 3 years and what got me through the breakup was all the stuff she put me through. You'll always miss your friend and it may never get better but you did the right thing. A wise women once said to me: Sometimes you must do something that's best for you even though it may hurt you.... or others. I now live by that. You can do what Bee and I do. You can still talk but not be Best Friends anymore. You could just be people who know each other. It will probally be hard but it's probally the best.
2007-12-23 05:34:20 · answer #3 · answered by AJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It hurts for a while, especially when you have tried repeatly. The last straw for me was last week when i was tolad that i am a backstabber. I have been friends w/ this person for 5 yrs. Was the maid of honor in her wedding back n March. Even though i am still good friends w/ her mother. I have decided to let her live her life. Told her she knows where to find me & how to get n touch w/ me. The ball is now in her court. You cry a little or alot just depends. Then one day u decide that u r not going 2 let this person bring u down. U pick yourself up & move on. Best Of Luck.
2007-12-23 05:59:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been through a big friend break up , but mine may have been a little different. My so called friend betrayed me, in the worst way possible . She and I were the best of friends,we'd talk everyday and when everything happend, I called her and told her that we'd never be friends again and to never call me . I was upset at her that I didnt think about her for days , then after the anger subsided I started to miss our routine , not her so much, just the routine. I got over that real quick though and you'll get over yours too. You dont need someone in your life that treats you bad. Allow some time to get past this, you'll be fine.
2007-12-23 05:17:19 · answer #5 · answered by that hot chick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been though this and I'm the same age as you. Similar situation. Been friends with this girl since high school.
She only needed me when she didn't have a boyfriend. I told her maybe it was time for me to move on.
The hard part is: My three year old loves her so much. It was hard..very hard. I spent most days with her when she didn't have a boyfriend. Then this new one came along in the summer...and she started spending the majority of her time with him.
I would buy her tons of expensive things, to show her my appeciation for helping me with my daughter. I never got anything in return. And she would also mooch money from me.
Took me three months to get over it. I spent more time with my daughter, hung out with different friends, even tried to make new friends.
Eventually, I got over it. But I do miss the good times. Now, I'm saving alot of money..and I actually lost some weight because I don't go out to bars every weekend.
Good luck to you, I know how hard this is.
2007-12-23 05:16:05 · answer #6 · answered by Smithy McShagwell 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, i have as well, and it lasted exactly ten yrs too. Its never easy doing this, and you have to give yourself time to get over it and move on with your life. The thing that hurt me the most was I never got any kind of an explanation, she just ended it. Thats the worst. I still think about her. I just moved on with my life by keeping busy and making new friends. It sounds like you made the right decision though, no one needs people that rude in there lives. Hope I helped.
2007-12-23 05:21:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its gonna hurt for a good while,try to do something to keep your mind of them and if you feel you have to or want to still be their friend then try talking to them,finding out why they act the way they do. Either it'll all get worked out or you will hurt more. Have you considered that maybe this was best?? I know it hurts and its not the happest time for you but it will wear off and you might possibly find a new friend. Go do something,try and meet new people. Its your life and i'm sure you'd be easy to be friends with. Good luck.
2007-12-23 05:44:31 · answer #8 · answered by Dark Mistress 444 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i so sad to hear about this..
cos it is really not easy to be best friend with someone for 10 years..
i was best friend with this girl for a few years but 2 years ago we graduate and both when to different schools..at the start we still keep in touch but soon we both just move on with our new life..
we are not in touch anymore.. she now have new friends & i just feel that she become very mean and her attitude just change completely..she was not the same like she used to be.
there is no answer to when it stop hurting cos you will still be sad whenever u think of the happy time u spend together in.. the past.
hopefully u guys could still try to reconcile cos its really not easy to have a good friend for so many years..
2007-12-23 05:24:25 · answer #9 · answered by jessica 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am in the same situation at the moment and its with my sister in law we share some many things together buy her presents and comort her when she is sad..when we go out i usually buys her a drink or two and not even think nothing of it..and she can be so rude to me and it so hard to understand... any ways she says don't go here or don't talk to this person and when some 1 calls me on my mobile she thinks i am talking abt her..we went to a bar 1 night and she went off to her friend and talk abt me and the girl told me to be careful..the next day i was still talking with her and she was rude to me again...i text her never respond so i left her and off line message to say thanks for everything and it best not to continue the friendship and haven't hear from her 3 weeks now...i am hurt but i will be of so will you you would be hurt anyway if you keep on being her friend with her rude remarks.
2007-12-23 05:24:21 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋