Retirement community for mother, costs involved?

Question

My mother, who is not ill but cannot live without me helping her out financially lives with me. I think it is time for her to live in a community with other seniors so that she will have a social life and I need my space. My other siblings don't help me here and I was considering that it'd be best to have her in a senior community.

It seems the websites for these places don't list exact costs for this. We're in NY, so if anyone has any idea how much it costs monthly for a senior who is not ill to live in one of these places, please advise.

I have ordered brochures but thought some of you might have some answers for me today.

Viola F - I have talked to her about renting her own studio but she stubbornly refuses to take any action. Before you judge me, please note that I have helped her since I was a teen - working, raising my brothers and paying bills, even as I put myself through college. It is time for her to gain her independence and let me live my life too. But some people need to be pushed - I've done more than my share and probably more than you have for your mother. I have my own child and whatever is leftover of me, I owe my daughter, no one else.

Answer 1

Well my experience with them has been through my 2 grandmothers. They were both in the Housing for the Elderly and I can tell you they were both very happy because they maintained their independence until bother were 96 years of age. Their rent and utilities came to 1/3 of the social security income. Church was across the street and the supermarket within walking distance for them. They both had a little shopping gig and there was a big park at the end of their complex. All the tenants would take their lawn chairs out all summer and watch the kids play ball and swim as they all sat is a circle beside the laundry hanging gated area and chatted all afternoon, sometimes have their own little pot luck picket. The also looked after one another and were always their to feed and look after who was sick. It was like a Nunnery because most of the men died off...but they had their independence and each other. It was the best time of their elderly life. Get in touch with the Housing authority in your town/area and don't feel guilty about it...be prepared for the waiting list. The fact that there is one says a lot about these place. A social life will keep her well and active and well as living longer and happier.
Don't even think about assisted living...it is overpriced and lonely. They just don't have that sense of independence in those places...you are not free to come and go either.
Best wishes to all of you.

Answer 2

There are all different prices. many I found have what is called a "buy in " fee, you have to pay so much money up front to get in and only a part of it goes back to your heirs if you die or leave, then you pay the monthly rent. Buy in fees go anywhere from $80,000 up. I didn't find one that had a less then $80,000 buy in most were a LOT more. Rent is $1200 a month and up for one person, more if there are two people plus you pay for your own phone and some other things I can't remember what they are. You didn't say what part of N.Y. you lived in but these are prices for upstate N.Y. ( Plattsburgh, Saratoga etc ) That I had looked into last summer for someone. They decided to stay in their home . Look in the phone book , they'll send you packets . That's the only way you'll fing out how much it costs. Good luck.

I'm sorry your talking about government federal senior housing. They take one third of your monthly income here. It does not matter what you have in the bank it's only what comes in each month. There are good places and places not so good so look them over carefully.

Answer 3

I truly understand your plight and don't be swayed by those who wish to make you feel guilty. I do not expect my own children to keep me with them if it interferes with their lives whatsoever!

Independent living in senior communities can be anywhere from regular rent in a 50+ rental apartment building [with income restrictions the rent is somewhat lower than market rate] OR if moving to a facility that has gradations of care from independent to assisted, it can run anywhere from $2K a mo upward.

My mom started off in independent living in a high rise facility run by Hyatt...but then had to later go to more 'care focused' living. Her care at Sunrise started at around $3K mo and is now close to $7K mo!! It is very expensive to say the least.

What you may consider is finding a 2 BR apt. where a live in companion could stay with room and board included and a small salary ??

Wish you well! I know it is hard!!

Answer 4

I found these on the Internet, you might be able to get some idea of what you are looking for. I don't see any who are offering the cost, right up front.

SearStone >http://www.searstone.com/index.asp

Senior Communitie's Services>
http://www.seniorcommunity.org/index.asp?Type=B_BASIC&SEC={FA547D8F-A9D0-458C-8E2F-AAE8552CD4F8}

Smarter>
http://www.smarter.com/---se--qq-Senior%2BCommunities.html

Adult Retirement Communities >
http://www.seniorresource.com/hasc.htm

Senior Communities > DoItYourself.com
http://www.doityourself.com/stry/senior-citizen-communities

Answer 5

HI! well i live in ohio, but form what i can gather they are fairly expensive plus there might be a waiting list. it depends on how much care or independence she requires. i know its not much of a help, just some things to think about

Answer 6

if you are going to help her anyway why not let her have some input as to where she lives. I wonder if she ever "needed the space" when she was doing without to raise you. think about an apartment instead of sticking her is a home.(sr community)