I'm an 18-year-old girl. I know that some people think it's wrong to go to ex-gay therapy, but I seriously need it. I am attracted to women, and I feel as if it hinders my life.
I want to be able to live a life that is not scrutinized by other people all the time. I want to have a happy family with a guy, and be committed to him without thinking about other women. I am also a religious person, and liking women goes against my values.
Can anyone who shares my beliefs give me some tips about leading a heterosexual life. How does the general people live happily, while avoiding attraction to the same sex?
I say this because I know that only 10% of the world population experiences bisexuality/homosexuality.
I find it really weird that some people NEVER think about the same sex in a sexual way. Are there any reasons? Is there a way of thinking that can change my outlook on life?
2007-12-23 03:49:48 · 19 answers · asked by WOWZA! 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Well you can bring one of your girlfriends over and the 3 of us can discuss it.
2007-12-23 03:57:05 · answer #1 · answered by Ape Sith 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
While God made no mistakes and you're fine however you define yourself, its pointless to place a label on yourself. You are You. Period. That said, I'd answer your question with a few questions instead. Your answers may guide you.
Have you ever had sex? With a man? With a woman? It's possible to be "straight" and have warm friendships with others of the same sex, but there's a big leap from wanting to spend time with someone who is physically attractive and/or successful or whom we admire (or to hug and kiss someone) to wanting to have sex with them.
The idea/fantasy can be appealing, but when it comes down to the real deal, before you label yourself you want to "try it before you buy it." Does the thought of the actual acts involved in lesbian sex revolt you or appeal to you - whether receiving or giving?
You may find you're lesbian; then again, you may find that you can't conceive of being in those very intimate situations. We all go through some confusion in discovering exactly who we are; that's why there's so much sexual experimentation at the college age - young people are away from home and parental restrictions and able to act out somewhat without the fears they'd have in some other situation.
Good luck in finding yourself. Do not judge yourself regardless of your ultimate conclusion on who you are; remember that's only a small part of the whole You. And just because you may have had "bad" sex with a guy doesn't mean that you're not into guys; you just haven't found the person who fulfills your needs. Ultimately, we're all responsible for our own misery or satsfaction - and we all require love in our life. So, whether male or female, keep looking for the one who will return your love.
2007-12-23 12:24:36 · answer #2 · answered by L.G. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're only 18 so please don't worry about it. Were you a late developer? Maybe it's just hormonal and with a little more time you will lose interest.
What you're describing is not wrong and you should not feel guilty. I think you should speak with your doctor and ask for some counselling. If only to put your mind at rest and calm you a little bit.
But you are who you are. I'd avoid any religion based counselling. You haven't mentioned which religion but in my experience of religious organisations, there's always one person who manages to get into the counselling service (sometimes more than one) and they 'dish the dirt' on those counselled. I'm sure you know just who they are. They are usually quite judgemental and overtly pious. That's why I suggest you go outside your group. Not every counsellor will reveal your confidences but there will no doubt be someone privy to the information that just might.
I wish you every blessing and well being as you continue on this journey through life...
2007-12-23 12:17:10 · answer #3 · answered by Rob K 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing to fix. Everyone was made uniquely and the only thing you need to fix is your self-confidence.
Society doesn't look down on gays or bi's. I know it may seem like it, but there isn't...which is why we have things like the Gay Pride Parade and now legislation declaring they are equals.
I'm a Christian and a hetero, but I know it's often stressed in church that homosexuality and Christianity does not mix. The fact of the matter is...in the Bible, it says that everyone is made in God's own image. God loves all people, no where in the Bible does He specifically exclude homosexuals. He tells us to treat everyone ( Which means homosexuals and heterosexuals ) as our own neighbor.
We are often brainwashed into the idea of getting married and raising a family. It's what soceity wants us to believe...but God doesn't work that way. He works to make us have fulfilling lives. It might mean that we don't have a family, it might mean we're not heterosexual, but He made you the way you are in accordance to His plan.
The only thing we can do as followers is to embrace His plan and go with it, because He knows what's best for us...and that's all He wants.
The wonderful thing about mankind is we have free-will. This often leads us to trouble as we sometimes think we know what's best for us. So wo wander away from His plan and try to follow what the society has taught us or what we think is right.
Just embrace His wonderful plan for you and go with the flow. He will guide you to the place He has reserved for you. ^_^
God bless.
2007-12-23 12:08:31 · answer #4 · answered by lenardz33 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that more people think about the same sex than admit it. I'm married to a man but I had thoughts about the same sex. I never felt the need to act it out but there was curiosity there. I also think that although I'm heterosexual and love my husband very much that who you love is who you love.
I am also very religious but I have deep doubts about the idea that a person can have a natural inclination from childhood but somehow is in "sin". I think that people are too judgmental and hurtful. You live your life to please others and that is a life wasted. Does God want that?
I don't know the real answers but I can tell you that if you try to change who you are to "fit in", "to be normal", "to have a normal life" you will end up hurting others in the end of it. Perhaps it is a big deal and I validate that for you but then if you were my sister I'd tell you to protect your heart and do what makes you feel whole. I would never reject you or make you feel like you are "weird".
You are quite normal, it's others who want you to be like them who are weird. I know I didn't give you any advice. Listen to that small still voice in your soul. Be who you are.
2007-12-23 11:58:02 · answer #5 · answered by Creole38 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When you start denying who you are you will just become depressed and tired of the lies, to yourself and everyone else. Religious bigotry and jaded morals aside, it's not a bad thing, infact it's completely natural. Believe me the percentage of people who experience bi/homosexuality it a lot more then 10%.
All the therapy in the world will not change your sexual preference, it will just leave you a self hating, depressed, broke *** mess.
Stop worrying about what other people think and be yourself, it's the only way you will be truly happy. Anything else and you're living a lie.
2007-12-23 12:07:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
For the reasons? Look back, darling and try to see if there were events in your life that led you to liking people of the same sex. Some aren't bisexual, they just get 'attracted' to the point of obsession because they want to BE that person.
Well, I think you should try getting a boyfriend so as to take your mind off the same sex. :)
2007-12-23 12:06:17 · answer #7 · answered by mariel 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
1) I don't think attraction is a problem as long as something doesn't happen. Sometimes my mind wonders off with same-sex f*cking but I'm not bisexual. Maybe your mind just wondered off too?
2) "Don't ask. Don't tell."
3) Unless or course, your lesbian side dominates then I don't know.
4) Religion is written by mankind but Nature ALWAYS wins. Keep that in mind.
2007-12-24 00:41:00 · answer #8 · answered by Michael the Psycho 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you have to do is get saved. No one is born this way. The Bible(KJV) teaches that it is wrong for a man to lay with a man & a woman to lay with a woman. God calls it sodomy. Read the Bible where it talks about Sodom & Gommarah.Ask the Lord to save you, repent of your sins, believe that Christ died on the cross for your sins & that He saved you when you asked. Get into a Bible believing church. Get a King james bible when none of God's words are taken out. Start reading it & pray. You won't have to worry about the life you are living now. You will be a new creature in Christ. Old things are passed away, and behold all things are become new. Get a KJV Bible & read 1John 1:9. Do as it says.I pray that you will listen.
2007-12-23 12:06:53 · answer #9 · answered by S W 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Play Yu-Gi-Oh and you will not be a bi. Your one love will be Yu-Gi-Oh, just like me. You will not love boys or girls, but Yu-Gi-Oh forever. NOW LET'S DUEL!
2007-12-23 11:53:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋