My family consists of about fifteen people, children,g-children ect. They all are meeting Christmas day at my oldest daughters house. All of my children live a distance from me..an hour or two. I am planning to drop in to give gifts, my e-wife that practically lives there, will be there. My girlfriend is invited but refuses to go . My girlfriend says that if I go there and my x-wife is there , she is going to break up w/me. It is rare for my family to be together at one time. It's Christmas.....whats an hour with my x-wife there going to hurt?
2007-12-23 03:23:06 · 20 answers · asked by Tom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She feels threatened, the ball is in your court.
2007-12-23 03:34:31 · answer #1 · answered by joe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as if your girlfriend is intimidated by the possibilities of what might happen. Consider the past history with her and the ex..is alot of drama possible on that day? If so..in anycase.. drama is the norm for high holidays no matter what part of the planet you live upon.. so.. if she cannot take the heat..best she stays out of your kitchen anyway.
Sounds like it is a good thing for you to know this ahead of time.
2007-12-23 11:33:07 · answer #2 · answered by BelieverinGod 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not, especially since it appears the two of you have decided to be at least civil with each other, which is good for the kids you share....it shows them that even tho you two can't be husband and wife you respect each other and that means alot to kids,even adult ones......besides the gathering is at your daughter's home and she has a right to invite anyone she wishes, especially her Mom (doubly so since you indicate they are particularly close....very cool for Mom's & daughters to be that close)
Sounds like this GF is immature.....insecure....and controlling.
She has no business or right to dicate to your daughter who her Christmas guest list includes....which I don't think she's doing here...she doesn't want you to go so she's aplying the pressure to you, making it a choose them or me thing......
....Honestly, if she truely cares about you she won't begrudge you a few hours with your family, especially since these get-togethers are rare with most family in attendance. The presence of the ex is just an excuse to keep you from spending time with them...a shame. Why she's refusing to go, I'm not sure, perhaps she feels like an outsider or is threatened by the close relationship your ex shares with your daughter & family....or maybe she's just threatened period.....some people become very jealous over any past relationships their guy/gal had with another, they don't like to think that their special one had at one time been intimate with someone else....here again very imature........
I would go, Hon. if your GF chooses to give in to her insecurities and be a Grinch, so be it. She'll only be doing what my Mom calls 'cutting off her nose to spite her face'.
I doubt if she'll take a permanent hike from your relationship but if she does, frankly, you're better off as she'll pull this senario over and over with family Holidays, birthdays, and weddings....what you can do is tell her you are going to spend some time with your kids and family on Christmas, but not the whole day....and as this is your daughter's home you have no right to tell her she can't invite her Mom. Tell her your daughter has also opened up her home to her, if she wasn't wanted she wouldn't have gotten an invite...so it'sup to her if she goes or not. Then offer to take her out or spend New Year's Eve exclusively with her, and however she wants to spend it. if she continues to be hardheaded maybe you should re-think this relationship...no one should be separated from their family over another's insecurities.Good Luck.
2007-12-23 12:13:15 · answer #3 · answered by The Original GarnetGlitter 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is very selfish and only thinks of her own benefits. She's using the ultimatum on you to control you, and so that you will follow whatever she says like a puppy. Women who gives you the ultimatum like this is usually bad news. You have to be firm with your own stand. Do what you KNOW is right. Follow your plans. If she wants to go, she will. Until then, have a great and safe Christmas.
2007-12-23 11:31:33 · answer #4 · answered by Hanna 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she posted a question on this subject too. My friend if she cannot see how good a dad you are for choosing to spend time with your kids over her, and that your kids take top priority over anyone, It is best if you let her break up with you. she does not deserve you.
Christmas is a season to be spent with kids. reguardless of who is there, it is suppose to be the one day a year when no one fights, argues, and everyone has a day of peace. and your girlfriend who has children of her own doesnt seem to understand the value of a father being active in his childrens lives due to insecurity's of her own. I give you 100 thumbs up for making a stand for you kids reguardless of who is there for Christmas
2007-12-23 12:58:53 · answer #5 · answered by john d 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She is trying to put herself ahead of not just the ex but also your kids and grandkids. This is a sign of great selfishness. I can understand that she has some insecurities, lots of people do. But to give you this sort of choice?? Man, choose your kids and make her keep her word of breaking up with you. You will be better off in the long run.
2007-12-23 11:38:16 · answer #6 · answered by chinamigarden 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your girlfriend is acting like a selfish, spoiled little girl (and even worse.. she's a grown woman!). If she wants to throw a fit about you spending time with your family, then I say.. call her on her bluff, and let her leave! You aren't doing anything wrong by going over there. You even said she was invited, but refuses to go. That's so immature.. Sounds to me like you need to find someone who actually knows how to act their age.
Go enjoy your time with your family. :)
2007-12-23 14:28:55 · answer #7 · answered by arkiegirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she's got some insecurity issues.
Is she the jealous type outside of this particular situation? My guess is yes.
She has to realize that you aren't still in love with your ex, and that you love her (thats true, yes?)...and she probably DOES know that on some level, but just hates the thought of you being near another woman that you used to love.
2007-12-23 11:28:16 · answer #8 · answered by Puzzle Box 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you going to be spending the whole time with the ex?
Girlfriend wants to break up if you see or talk to the ex?
No female is going to break up over something like this unless their is alot more to the story.
What are you not telling us?
2007-12-23 12:09:27 · answer #9 · answered by Emptiness 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bluntly, your girlfriend is being petty and selfish. It is a good thing to remain cordial with your ex wife, she is your children's mother and your grandchildren's grandmother, and they deserve to have you both with them for Christmas. If your girlfriend can't hack it, let her go, you're better off.
2007-12-23 11:30:38 · answer #10 · answered by LoFlo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Man that's evil for her to do. Just explain to her rationally and logically that it's wrong for your current girlfriend to make you "choose" between her and your ex-wife. Tell her your ex is NOT going to steal you or something like that.
2007-12-24 00:58:35 · answer #11 · answered by Michael the Psycho 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋