How do you like my 2-line poem?

Question

You can say my style needs school, that's cool.
Then act like a teacher or you'll look like a fool.

TD...

I'm not sure if that was a compliment or an insult, so I'll take it as a little of both, maybe.

...I like the suggested change DIY Doc...

...but, either way, that change would still leave the line to be about my own perception. The way that was used might've over-stated that.

Answer 1

Just my two cents again.

First line tags us, and makes a statement to us about your expression, even inviting suggestions/critisism.

Second line "assumes", or even more blatantly STATES a personal opinion.

I offer this suggestion

Change to "MIGHT seem" the fool???

Certainly as I say so often, defining POETRY (Not in formal sense) is like trying to define LOVE. YIKES who can judge?

My 2 line offering,,,,as perhaps as analogous, or metaphorical, or "GET IT?" as yours.

"Love is.............
Even when it seems it isn't."

You and I have nudged back and forth a few times, and I gotta tell ya,,,when you ask "How Do You?"........ you obviously know that some will answer in ways other than what you might hope for?

Keep at it in any case. The "Mona Lisa" wasn't created in a single stroke.

Steven Wolf

Answer 2

It really doesn't say much. It seems that you are just putting words together to make them rhyme without much thought as to what you really want to say. Are you talking to teachers or students? If teachers don't act like teachers, then they will look foolish. If students try to emulate teachers, then they are not being themselves -- students, children, adolescents and pre-adults. In short, your poetry needs work.

Answer 3

Youre a renegade!

Answer 4

Hmmmm....
The intent is clear and the delivery is very contemporary.

Answer 5

How can you teach condensation to dew?

Answer 6

first line is really good.
not so sure about the second one though

Answer 7

cute

Answer 8

it sucks