We are married 13yrs, with two boys, ages 4 & 7 and its come to this, where I need to make a "sex date" with her, so she arranges for the kids to sleep over at Grandma's.
I don't know what is wrong with my wife, but she won't have sex if the kids are in the house, even if they are in seperate rooms, sleeping. The only time we are able to "do it" is when both kids are at school and I'm off or "working out of the house". That is rediculous. We have sex about once every 2-3 months and were only 36/37. That is way below the norm and I'm sick of finding other ways to relieve my tension.
2007-12-23 01:42:09 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let her know that this is not working for you...
Then find a way to occupy your children without sending them to Grandma's house.
What is wrong with when they are asleep or at a friends house? School? Other activities?
How about telling them you and Mommy have to have a talk or you are taking a nap so it is nap time for everyone.
You must make this work especially if it is snowing outside :)
2007-12-23 06:29:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have fallen into the M&M Theory of a lot of women=Marriage and Mother Hood. I dont know why this Happens but Ive talked to Many Many men and its the same Thing--Even when You are a Very Helpful Husband- You take your turn with middle of the Night Baby feedings and Diaper Changes. Then you help with the Laundry-the Cooking and Dish washing+ Vacuuming and get told NO to Sex. It happens like this in most cases while you are dating her-Its Mutual Sex-In the car-on the couch-up against the stove-on the Back porch at night-Wherever-Then Marriage and Kids come along Then its No No No--Its too late-Its too Early--The Kids Might Hear-The Phone Might Ring-Somebody Might Knock on the Door!!!! I know that I didnt help you other than The FACT YOU MIGHT FEEL BETTER BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! The M & M Method is contagious and then Women wonder why their Husbands have thoughts and Ideas of Looking Elsewhere!!!!!!
2007-12-23 11:51:08 · answer #2 · answered by Ed P 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Send the kids to camp. Rearrange the bedroom or take her to a local hotel. Get some sauce warmed up. Play like you still like her, and not just the sex. Send her to a mud pack place and have her rubbed by complete strangers, get a facial, get some new cloths, not just a nighty, and maybe some new shoes. Go shopping with her, let her show you off. Does she have a nice wedding ring. Nows the time. If you try all this, and nothing works, get hurt, be sad, but don't screw around. If nothing works, remember, it must be her fault. Your only chance. try not to get despondent. That's a real toughy.
2007-12-23 09:52:10 · answer #3 · answered by Tacit Hue 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
making a date to have sex isn't unusual, but sending the kids to someone else's house so you can have sex is.
If she's worried about the kids walking in, then get a lock on the bedroom door and use it. Make a rule with the kids that if mommy and daddy are in the bedroom with the door closed, then they are not to bother you unless it is an emergency and they always need to knock on the door before they are given permission to enter the room.
Is she worried about the kids hearing you? Are your walls really that thin?
Has she talked to anyone about her sex hang up? There is a bigger issue here that either she hasn't told you about or that she thinks that she's dealt with. This is something that she is NOT just going to get over.
2007-12-23 11:05:49 · answer #4 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
How was your wife raised? - with very traditional values? She may feel guilty or ashamed to have sex with the kids in the house.
Otherwise, she is just not enjoying sex and trying to avoid it. If she was raised with a lot of repression, and was a virgin when she married you, she may never have explored her sexuality and may never have really enjoyed sex. She may have done it as a "wifely duty".
Either way you need to have a serious talk, and maybe go to a sex therapist, or your marriage will be on the rocks.
2007-12-23 09:58:55 · answer #5 · answered by zucchinisisback 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Have you talked with her about why she won't have sex if the kids are in the house? Maybe she had a traumatic experience when she was a child...
Have you gone to marriage counseling, or maybe more appropriately a sex therapsit?
It sounds like she has a mental hang-up she needs to overcome, and probably needs a professional to help her.
2007-12-23 10:01:45 · answer #6 · answered by Greenman 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
There isn't anything "wrong" with your wife. Most women wouldn't want to have sex with their children in the house. What if they walk in? They would be scarred for the rest of their lives. Instead of complaining about a special romantic evening, suggest that you take one more often. Make it really nice for her. Sex isn't just about you. Get a really nice hotel room and get a sitter. Take a luxurious bath together, give her a massage, order strawberries and champagne from room service. If you make it more about special intimate time together and less about your own personal needs, she'll be more inclined to do it more often and it'll make it more exciting for both of you.
2007-12-23 10:42:24 · answer #7 · answered by theatre_rat_7583 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Has it always been like this? Or did this start recently? I am thinking there is more to this story and you should have a sit-down with your wife and ask how you can help her with this. Has a child walked in on you having sex? Has someone else walked in on you? Are you or is she particularly LOUD during sex? See?? Lots of scenarios.....try being more compassionate about this. She IS your wife.
2007-12-23 10:51:35 · answer #8 · answered by that judi 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
What you need to do is have a serious sit-down with your wife and tell her exactly what is on your mind.I agree it is rediculous,but folks are strange when it comes to certain things.First find out what is at the root of the problem,then you can start to fix it.
2007-12-23 09:49:20 · answer #9 · answered by David H 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think you should talk to her, maybe she doesnt feel confident with her body etc. Try telling her how nice she looks etc.. But please talk to her. I am actually going thru the same thing, I am 23 and my husband is 35 and have been married for 2 years I have to ASK him for sex! and that has been making me sooo depressed so I completely understand you.
2007-12-23 10:15:25 · answer #10 · answered by ♥*´`*•. mommy♥*´`*•. 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋