Why am I even staying in this marriage? We are more like friends than husband and wife. Is it time to end it?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 4 and 1/2 yrs. We no longer sleep in the same bed and have sex like once every couple of months. I have asked him repeatedly why we do not have sex, if it is something wrong with me or if it is him and he gets very angry at me and will not give me a straight answer, just lots of different excuses. Sex is very important to me because I feel that it is another way of showing your love for the person you love but he says he doesn't see it that way. Am I wrong? I am very hurt and depressed over this. I same cranky and irritable and do not feel like he loves me anymore. The other aspects of our relationship is good but this one part is ruining it all. I know that he is not cheating on me but I am not happy anymore. I have tried to talk to him but all we do is end up arguing. I am on the verge of ending my marriage because I want a man that wants me sexually. What should I do because I do love him and want this to work?

I have tried the romance part of it and it has not worked. Yes, I can positively say he is not cheating because he works out of our home and we are together almost all the time. He says that he misses me when I do not work with him so we are together almost constantly. We have recently taken custody of my daughter's two children and have had alot of stress added to our relationship, emotionally, financially, and stuff. And yes that is him on my 360 page. I just don't know what to do because I have never had a relationship like this with a man unless it was a friend. I really need to know if maybe I am just wanting more than I should or if this is abnormal. I am very confused as to what to think or do.

Answer 1

Being a man, when you have a lot of stress sex is the last thing on your mind. Do not demand but try to help! Work with him to relieve the stress.
The business may not be what it use to be and he is trying to keep it from you thinking that he will appear less of a man if he asks for help or he is afraid he will disappoint you.
Let him know that you love him unconditionally. Tell him no matter what he will be a Hero in your eyes.
Failure is the hardest thing a man can go through. I would recommend seeking counseling for both of you but if he refuses to go, go by yourself and see if changes you make change him. "You cannot change anyone only yourself" Above all never take the easy way out. Divorce. If you love him and really love him you need to fight for him. Things you work hard for a the things worth keeping!!

Answer 2

Well... no.. you are not wrong to feel how you feel.. first and foremost. I would ask though... you seem positive he isnt cheating,, how are you so sure??
Ok.. now.. the most important thing to do at this point is to get some help. You two need to go to counselling..
A marriage/relationship counsellor...
You can go through your church, if you are involved in one, however, I would urge a non church counsellor.. they are better at what they do from my experience.. and without any "religious baggage" so to speak, which does not seem to be a part of your problem.. if it was I might suggest differently.
Getting him to go may be a chore, but I can say.. again, from experience.. whether the marriage works out or not.. it is one of the best things he can do... and I am a guy.. lol.
If you absolutely cannot get him to go.. then the last suggestion I have is to find a couple who are like your closest friends.. who you trust.. and whose relationship is good... solid and see if they would be willing to sit down with you guys.. on a regular basis.. and kind of "moderate" a discussion between the two of you.... offering their own suggestions and advice as you go along...
THis is basically what a counsellor does... although they are professionally trained to do so... as opposed to the friends.. but if that is the last resort.. then go for it..

Answer 3

Married to your "buddy" just doesn't cut it..being intimate with each other and sharing yourselves with each other should be part of a healthy relationship. I'm in the same boat and I am ending it, but try counseling to help first before making that decision. He owes you a straight answer. Depriving someone of affection is cruel...it's a basic human need. Could there be some reason, like stress at work, stress over money, or depression that could be the major factor in this? Some men give that sob story excuse of my wife "let herself go". Most of those guys have a beer gut and showering has become an option. If he's giving that as an excuse, it's his problem, sweetie, not yours. I've done my best to stay in shape, but the day my husband said "Well, you did have a double mastectomy", I knew it was over. There are plenty of men out in this beautiful world that are just waiting for someone like us to come along. And when you make your decision, I wish you strength and courage.

Answer 4

Wow....this is hard huh!
What is his age...since you said you both has just got the custody upon your daughter's children....
Because sometimes age will make the different in some people sex life...this actually more on the woman but can happen to man too.
Some people as their age catching up their sex's life goes down.
Maybe your husband is having problem with his sexual ability but afraid to talk to you......and maybe he is having other problem that you never know.
Try to find a good time with him and discuss this matter with him....how you feel and what you expecting from him...counselling is a good solution if he willing to do it.

Answer 5

He is not doing what a husband should. This is very weird for this early in a marriage. After the holidays maybe see a counselor together. He may be seeing someone else I would look into it is he on the computer alot or gone alot? You can find a man who cherishes you. Explore all your options don't allow yourself to live this way good luck!

Answer 6

How do you know he is not cheating on you? A man that does not want sex? Sounds to me like there is a lot more going on then you know about. Hard to say, but sex is a HUGE part of any relationship. End it and let the torture for both of you be over.

Answer 7

Have you tried just setting a romantic mood? Sometimes men (and women) have so much on their plate at work, bills and everything else crazy today that they unfortunately forget how to relax and live their lives. Try calling him before he comes home for work and telling him you are going to have a late dinner, but not to worry, he will get plenty, then hang up with no explanation, have a hot bath drawn for him with a note on the door telling him to follow a path you set for him to the tub, then leave a note on the back of the bathroom door telling him to follow the path again and lead him somewhere other than the bathroom and have a pallet out for him to rest his tired body, come out with just his tie on or something and start giving him a nice massage. Be creative and add your own to this. I do it occasionally and trust me, I get his full attention! Good luck.
Never give up before trying everything first...

Answer 8

Tell him that you're unhappy in your current situation, and you love him and want to work things out, but that he needs to do this with you or you're going to feel that you need to leave and move on with your life because your needs aren't being met, here.
Tell him that he's either going to have to go to counseling with you, or you're leaving. Don't give him the option to say no. If he says no, then leave. (You don't need to file for divorce yet.) Sometimes when they see you're serious, they'll change their minds.
Give counseling some time. You also might need to try more than one counselor, because sometimes it takes a few tries before you and your husband find one that you're comfortable with and can talk to openly.
Good luck to you. I wish you all the best.

Answer 9

Hello! I hope that you are able to work this out with him. Yes, sex is important. I agree. Obviously, if you are in separate beds there is a bigger problem. My parents have been married over 50 years and sleep in diff beds only because of comfort issues. (My father has to sleep with oxygen..) I recently divorced - we started sleeping in separate beds because of our schedules at first.

Please seek counseling before you make any rash decisions. If you truly love this man, please give yourselves time with counseling. If you both have a family doctor, sometimes they are good to talk to as well. Schedule a visit for both of you to go together.

Please also take into consideration that he may be having an affair. Men have to have sex. He may be getting sex from another woman and just not able to perform with you. Or, he is hiding something from you (like a erectile dysfunction or an STD)

GOD bless you! I hope it all works out for you!!
Lynn :)

Answer 10

Please tell me that's not him by the motorcycle on your 360! Yetch! Well, your not ugly, your not too over weight, You have fairly decent writing skills so you are not some dumb blonde. What's his big problem? Is it medical? I hate to medicate people on a whim, but, maybe it time to ask him to take Viagra? It is supposed magnify his desires, so who knows? Really this is weird! If you were some strange freak of nature I might offer some other advice but it looks like the ball is in his court. You can't "do" to much more! Good Luck!