My spouse had an affair. I Love Her. I always will. She hurt ME. How do learn to trust her again
2007-12-23 00:58:56 · 14 answers · asked by crackers 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The quote "The fidelity bank of trust is a tough creditor,You make a deposit somewhere else and they close your account for ever" which another person also mentioned to you is really true.Some wrong things cannot be made right and you are in one of those situations.I take it that you love your wife a lot that you have decided to forgive her.
But also remember to love yourself too.You have been really hurt during this process and do not forgive for the wrong reasons.wrong reasons being the fact that you cannot tolerate losing your wife.Forgive for the right reasons such as if your wife is actually really sorry and upset for what she has done and also has told you honestly why she has done it. Cheating happens for different reasons and after the anger and hatred stage is over those reasons should be openly presented on the table.After getting done with that which is truly a hard part,then you come to the stage where you are and want to try to trust her again.
This part i think is the hardest and takes the longest.Much time and much effort is needed on her side. It's not going to come to you in one minute that from now on your trust is back.She is going to have to earn it piece by piece until it's back but the crack unfortunately will somehow always be there. Let it come to you.
The thing is as Nietzsche says : “I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you” .
It takes time.Remember that You are very strong for wanting to forgive,not many would do that.And remember to let your wife earn your trust back again and don't make it very easy on her.Do not let your love for her blind your eyes in this situation as it is an important one. Take care of yourself.
2007-12-23 02:31:46 · answer #1 · answered by noosha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They say that time heals all wounds. That's a load of $%@*&! My wife had an "affair", sort of, with my brother. No sex but there was kissing involved. Even with that little amount of affection, it's been 20 years and I still won't trust her. I am still waiting to catch her. Yes I do love her, because she spilled the beans and told me everything, while my brother denies his involvement. Honesty at least helped a little. However, you may never trust her again. I will never get bitter and start a fling just to pay her back, but if she even looks at a guy again, she is out the door!
2007-12-23 09:15:39 · answer #2 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This takes so much time. Good people make horrible mistakes, I say this with never making this mistake but having someone do the exact same thing to me. When something like this happens its kind of up to the other person to show their dedication and remorsefulness. There is no easy way to just forgive. You'll be hurt and angry for awhile but eventually you will forgive her.
2007-12-23 09:02:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may never trust her again once a cheater always a cheater but if you must ry get a counselor and move to a different state so u know at least hes not around good luck!
2007-12-23 09:55:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
start small. unlucky for you thats a very difficult thing to do. she obviously isnt 100% happy in that marriage. its possible to forgive, but she has pushed the relationship off the cliff of happiness. you may land on a lower platform or you may fall to the bottom. no matter what, the landing will be hard and there's no way back up to the top.
2007-12-23 09:02:07 · answer #5 · answered by Chewyconor 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That ended my marriage of 13 years. He wanted to have her and me. That is the one thing I couldn't forgive. I was able to get over it by accepting part of the responsibility. I was not as loving as I once had been. I took him for granted, and there is always someone wanting what you have. If you had any part in it, such as I did, admit it. You'll start to feel better.
2007-12-23 09:06:57 · answer #6 · answered by rhonda c 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will take time. If you want to work on the marriage go seek counseling. If you never get to the point of trusting her than you will move on.
2007-12-23 09:57:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you already made the choice to forgive her,(which i wouldn't)now the long hard process will begin. I don't think you can ever forget. forgiving is so hard and only you can do it. Be prepared because it is not going to be easy.
2007-12-23 09:09:39 · answer #8 · answered by Trisha heart 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry dude...The bank of Fidelity is a hard bank to maintain your account on...if you make a deposit somewhere else...They closed your account....
If you are willing to forgive her...make sure she understand how much she hurts you...
The mistrust will always be in the back of your head......Go to counseling together or go to church together...that always help
2007-12-23 09:03:36 · answer #9 · answered by Burt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
forgiving is the easy part...going on from there is the rough part. because from experience , it is there every day. every time you look at that person. and living that way is almost impossible. Prayer is needed here...big time.
2007-12-23 09:05:03 · answer #10 · answered by ~just_jd~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋