Should kids be allowed to have a vote in major family decisions?

Question

I coach many kids and I give them all a vote on how we run our team. Ultimately the coaches make the final choice but the kids like having input. Should kids have the same input when deciding on family things like moving, school changes, major furniture purchases? Does it prepare them to be adults or are they being taught to be equals to adults? Let me know..doing a little research here....

Answer 1

I think the opinion of kids is very important and should be considered in a major family decision. I mean ultimately, only the parents can decide whether or not to move or change kids schools, but they need to take into account how that decision will affect their children.

As far as furniture purchases and things, my kids always go with us (mostly because I hate the idea of leaving them with a babysitter.) so they do have some say in what we buy. Generally we usually come to a consensus, but if we don't that ok (my husband would kill me if I bought a pink sofa like my daughter wanted! hehe). Generally speaking though, we ask our kids if they like something that we plan on purchasing, and if they don't then WHY don't they like it. I think it helps us get a better understanding if what will be best for our family, and also helps their cognitive thinking skills.

And by the way, What's wrong with seeing kdis as equals? I mean, I'm not going to let my kids stay home alone of cook a meal or anything like that, but I do believe that they deserve the same amount of respect and consideration that adults do. After all, everyone is equal. Just because you have a boss, does that make him better than you? I don't think so. I think kids should be treated as equals and given the respect and consideration that they deserve. After all, they give you respect and love, why not return the favor?

Answer 2

Yes and no. A team and a family might have some points in common, but it's not a fantastic analogy.

Parents are probably trying to make the best decision for their families (children included) when deciding on certain matters. Parents should discuss the issues with their children, but allowing a child to dictate and choose a decision such a decision as the family moving to another state to take a better job might not be the best time for a child to excercise their equality. Certain decisions need to be made for the family as a whole, not just for "the children" (thus society's "Child King" problem.)

As for furniture purchases, again that depends. If it's for their rooms, their input is normal and as isn't a life altering decision I would say "why not?" with the exception that their choice is reasonable.

Even for the family car, maybe the child could give their color preference -- a blue car over a red car, but asking them what brand of car or even the choice of two cars that differ greatly in gas mileage and how much power might not be within their comprehension level.

Sometimes allowing children to make their own decisions AND live with the consequences (without an adult fixing the problem) are better lessons than allowing them to influence all major family decisions.

Answer 3

Well, if a parent is getting a new job and the family is being transferred to another location, then, no, the kids really can't say yay or nay about it. The new job can mean more stability, and ultimately it's up to the parents to make that decision.

There are smaller decisions that the kids can be a part of -- the furniture purchase would be something to consider having them be involved in, as long as they are old enough to make a rational decision.

Answer 4

No not a vote in the decision but defiantly a full discussion on it where we are asking their opinions and thoughts on it and we let them know we take their feelings into account. We just moved to Europe and had many of these with our children over this move. I do not think that we are treating them as adults but teaching them to think things out as they see the process of making big decisions. It also empowers them which is very good for children you would be surprised at the issues that come from children feeling small, unimportant, unheard, and powerless. It is always in their best interest to participate in big decisions even if they do not have an actual vote, knowing they are being heard is enough.

Answer 5

i disagree with the majority. it's fine to give kids input, but not a "vote" on things that they still have no basis for evaluating. sure, i'd consider the impact on my kid of moving to a new school or new state, and I'd even ask their opinions if they were more than 5 or so, but i wouldn't give them a "vote". a kid is not going to "vote" based on whether the family is going to have enough money to put dinner on the table if they don't take the new job; they're going to vote based on whether the new house is blue or red or whether there were a lot of squirrels in the yard when you visited. kids are focused on the short-term. adults are much better positioned to evaluate the things that will serve the child's long-term interest. ultimately that should prevail when making major family decisions.

i once witnessed a conflicted mom asking her 2-year-old if she thought her mommy and daddy should make her a brother or sister. it wasn't an idle question, either ... apparently the kid was the tie-breaker between the spouses. give me a break! how would a 2-year-old without a sibling (or even with one) have any basis for knowing if they'd want a sibling or not?? that's an adult decision (for which, among other things, you take into account how it will impact the 2-year-old).

let little kids decide if they're going to wear the blue shirt or the green one, play blocks or play trains, take soccer or gymnastics. let the adults make the adult decisions (in the best interests of their kids).

Answer 6

Not furniture, unless it is for their room. They can have input on moving and school changes, but not the final decision. This advice also depends on how old your kids are. If they are teens, definitely let them voice their opinions and give them your reasons for a major family change. Not only will they be more cooperative, but you could get some valuable input for your decision making.

Answer 7

Kids should have input into anything major. Calling it a vote however puts it on an equal basis. For instance, parents lose their jobs, can't afford the home they are in, the 5 kids vote to stay where they are.... obviously mom and dad just got out voted, but the reality of the situation is that a move is necessary.

Input yes, vote no.

Answer 8

It depends on what age. I mean asking a 5 year old for input is really useless.

I would say that anything over 10 should be involved with big family decisions. And teenagers should definatley know whats going on in the family.

I think it makes it easier for them to understand why certain things they can and can not have if for example they know the family sitution. It makes them more prepared to deal with their own futures. But i do not believe in un necessarily burdening them with too much adult stuff either.

Answer 9

Yes i think kids should have a vote or input in family decisions. IE where to go on vacation, whats for dinner, what to wear when you do the family picture, definatly furniture purchases.

As far as moving and school changes no, i dont agree there. Those are desisions left to the adults who are actually paying those bills, and school changes have to flow with the home unless there is an issue at the current school.

Yes i do think it helps children to develope their critical thinking skills, i think that ie helps them learn what they will be faced with as an adult.

Answer 10

Yes. Children should be asked to vote. This surves the following purposes:
1. The childred become independent.
2. They start to think and would encounter a similar situation in future in a batter way.
3. The children gain confidence because they realise that they too have a say in the family.
4. The children associate voting with responsibility and are careful of doing things that might bring a bad name to the family as a whole.
5. The decisions that the children take are their independent decisions. They can't blame the parents later.

Having said that, children are children so they should not be the "veto powers." They should have their say and things should be done in their best interest. This should be explained to them.
Hope this helps. Merry Christmas!